I woke up this morning, feeling a little depressed for some reason. I listened 2 The Gold Experience for what would be my 7th time (at least) the whole way thru in the format I see fit (w/o “Now” or any of the NPG operators, I dislike them telling me what is coming next when I know very well what is).
I thought back to the most unnerving part of last night. It took me until the end of “The Most Beautiful Girl in the World” to relax and trust where Prince was taking me. I duplicated the experience I had with my 2nd listen. I’d lay in bed on top of the covers with my headphones on, letting the whole thing go through me with nothing else to think about. Doing so, I think, reminded me of my 2nd listen when Endorphinmachine gave me a shock to the system. That reminder left me so untrusting that Shh wasn’t quite enough to bring me to renew the trust I had in Prince. Then again, I hadn’t listen 2 or thought about Prince much in the past 24 hours, so it was like bringing him out of the closet once again like he was brand new. I was familiar with the tracks, yet unfamiliar with them, so I had this issue of trust that finally dissolved in the area in bold.
I guess I felt guilty that I didn’t trust Prince as much as I had in the past. I know him better now, I trust him a lot, but I was somehow against it. Those two tracks, Endorphimachine & Shh, I find to be very seductive, about a subject matter I’ve never experienced, but by now, I should be more trusting.
Then I thought about “Dolphin”, a track I newly connected with Prince on while listening. It was something we had in common. Thru it, I could hear him say “we’re a lot alike”. I immediately cheered up after that.
On the road tha’d eventually lead me back to my college, I listened to a few random tracks from Aly & AJ. “Speak for Myself”, I almost thought that it meant ‘I speak for myself, not even Prince can speak for me’, but it was really agreeing with his message to me last night, that I should make my own destiny. Each song that came up in the sequence seemed to be connecting to Prince yet again. He’s “Never Far Behind”, I should “be every color I am” regardless of what others say, between us “Chemicals React” like in the song “Dolphin”, and he changed my life “In a Second”.
I picked up TGE and listened to it again. This time wasn’t as bad. I trusted him by the end of “Shh” when he whispered in my ear “sex isn’t all eye think about. It’s just all eye think about u”. I felt him stroke my cheek and kiss me b4 my headphones went silent at the song’s end.
I came to realize that after gaining my trust, “We March” was just a story he wanted to share with me about his life. P. Control, We March, 319, Billy Jack & Eye Hate U were stories he wanted to share with me to make me laugh or happy. “Eye Hate U” is mostly about heartache and I really felt his pain, I felt on the edge of tears becuz I felt so bad for him. “Gold” brought a tear to my left eye as it always has. It’s my soul tattoo because it’s his way of saying “Eye’m here with u wherever u go”.
I’ve grown very fond of “Billy Jack” after today becuz it’s pure fun.