Another rant derailed by RDJ

Hmm… Not sure what it was I did wrong last night.
Was it too soon after the “less than zero” episode or did I not watch the right clips beforehand?
Maybe real life finally got in the way and my mindset was nowhere near where it usually is.

Overall, though, The Futurist didn’t come off the way it has the past couple times.
A great deal of the reason why I wasn’t feeling it amounts to two things:

My mind was on the job fair tomorrow, which we’re going for my sister’s benefit more than mine. I just figured that it made sense for me together, god forbid I get another lecture about not wanting to change.
Despite the fact the music wasn’t on my mind the entire day, it had been one day short of a week since my last session with it…

Whether I’m ready for it or like it or not, the lyrics are starting to solidify and find niches in my brain to make their home… the memorization is kicking in merely from the fact I’d hear it at least once a week, if not twice at times, since I’ve gotten it.

Another way that I may have screwed myself over, aside from the whole job fair thing as well as trying to adhere to the music as if it was about me more than him (god awful mistake…), I watched the Jonathan Ross interview where he’s promoting this album. And like always, I’m unable to bring myself to skip over the clips where he sings… simply impossible cuz I enjoy it so much.
One thing I discovered, despite how much I LOVE the recorded version, his performance here of “Man like me” had some brilliant moments in it. Which reeked of the reasons why RDJ fascinates me so much.

Oh shoot, maybe I know another way I went wrong…

Suddenly I had an inkling and decided to search YouTube for a movie called “One Night Stand,” which stars Wesley Snipes and RDJ plays his old friend Charlie who has HIV and later dies. He was talking about it a little with James Lipton, so I guess I got curious about it. Seeing as his character had an impact on Wesley Snipes’ character.
Perhaps the greatest downside is that the whole movie wasn’t uploaded. It’d been there for six months, but parts 2, 3 and 7 (of 7) had been removed. So I may have missed out on a scene or two where RDJ isn’t in the hospital. From what I can gather, Wesley Snipes plays a guy who moves out to LA and becomes a director for commercials, and at one point he meets this girl and has a “one night stand” with her. They meet several times throughout the movie and when they see each other again, it’s in Charlie’s hospital room, and she’s married to his brother.
He on the hand is married to the girl who does the voice for Mulan.

Yeah, I feel bad that I may have missed out on some scenes, but it may have made the rest of it easier to endure. In Part 4, we flashforward to one year later and Charlie had greatly deteroriated. I could be wrong on this, but what I suspect happened was that he and Wesley Snipes had that kind of relationship and when he left, Charlie was so upset that he slept with another guy and that was where he contracted the disease.
Conversations come about in the movie about homosexuality, guys kissing guys, promoscuity, and I picked up the sense that Wesley Snipes wasn’t taking too kindly to some of the things that were said.

It was a little easier to endure this time around because I think I knew he was going to die anyway. If given the chance to get to know him before he gets too bad, maybe it’d have been harder. Like I really need to put myself through those paces again.
And I can relax in the fact that this was unavoidable. It wasn’t like an addiction that he couldn’t quit. Disease is disease and if promoscuity was the cause of it, I didn’t dwell on that all that much.
In the words of Les Grossman: “It’s a cold, harsh world. Shit happens”

Need I say, though, that his acting was absolutely amazing… granted, he was really ill in a hospital bed, but I believed it through and through.
There’s one scene in the last hours of his life where Charlie tells Wesley Snipes a story about this father and son. And the father tells his son “life is an orange.” Never saying what he meant by it. Then we got forward and the son asks his father on his deadbed “what did you mean ‘life is an orange’?” With his last breath, the father says “I have no fucking idea”
Yep, even in the most dire of circumstances, RDJ manages to bring his sense of humor and a smile from the audience in his presence, both the actor and the people watching.

It’s a possible reason, but I don’t think I can blame my lack of energy for the album on that alone.


I’ve seen the Jonathan Ross interview a couple of times, but I believe this time, I laughed the hardest. I don’t know what it is about that bloke, but he’s frickin’ hilarious. He was asking Robert about kicking his addictions, which have now included smoking and drinking coffee. It’s a running joke throughout the show about the coffee. Jonathan Ross keeps trying to rationalize it and Robert keeps trying to talk him out of it. Then later on while he’s backstage, Jonathan Ross thinks Robert’s drinking coffee and Jane Krawoski supports him in saying that its tea… doesn’t stop him, he’s saying that she’s enabling him by hiding the fact he’s drinking coffee.
It’s 2005, so Robert’s there not only promoting The Futurist, but he namedrops three movies. A Scanner Darkly, Fur and Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, which he doesn’t get to talk about (despite him being really excited about it) cuz Jonathan Ross is questioning why he keeps rubbing his eye (“it’s the coffee”)

It’s pretty ridiculous saying this, considering how wide the gap is… but if the possibility came up, I would pay top dollar just to see RDJ sing. That’s how amazed I was by that performance, despite how solid I am to the recorded version.
Meanwhile, I have Prince on my other side, whom is a terrific, gifted musician in multiple displicines… and I’m not saying the same thing about him. I’m waiting for him to get his butt over to the east coast to an area within driving distance. Crazy as it sounds, I’d go out of my way to see RDJ where he was, even LA if he were there having a concert.

Which I don’t really see happening, considering he’s an ACTOR first… and these days, he’s letting Indio take the reins as far as writing music. He said on Regis & Kelly while promoting Due Date that Indio is so good in his band that it’s not worth trying to keep up with him musically… though I don’t doubt that he’s still songwriting in whatever leisure time he may have.


I swear I came into this under completely different pretenses than another rant about Robert Downey Jr. Not that I need incentive for that. It just happens, I con’t help it (and I mean that as in the british ‘can’t’)
Quick aside here:
“Dancing with the Stars” was amazing last night. It was up there with American Idol last week where every performance, I thought was really good. Heck, I could get used to the couples dancing to classical music every week.
Plus, I had my fair share of Paso Dablos, my favorite dance. And I found exactly what I was looking for in Hines Ward’s dance… it had all of the elements I love in the Paso, the choreography was amazing and beautiful and the music was AMAZING. I’m not sure what it’s called but it’s the first track on the album by this girls’ string quartet called Bond. My favorite dance of the night and perhaps my favorite Paso EVER.

Yeah, I believe I came in here ready to discuss possibilities for my future.
Career changes and all that stuff.
I figured that maybe if I mapped out my strengths and weaknesses, like list my talents, where I’m knowledgable and what I’m passionate about, I might be able to narrow down possibilities.
I feel horrible in saying this, but I may end up abandoning any endeavour relating to my degree because obviously I can’t do much with it in Pennsylvania.
I most likely wouldn’t have this problem if I went to HPU. Hawaii is all about the marine biology stuff, so I would have been well off. But because I wanted to stay closer to home, I went to south Jersey for college.

Not saying I regret it completely. I had so many experiences there that I’d never give up for anything. Least of all the friends I made… they alone are the reason I don’t want to go back in time and redo the whole experience at HPU. Because I felt it was the right choice for me. I didn’t want to go to college because I didn’t want to do more school, but since it was not an option to opt out of it, I had to make a compromise with myself.
If I was being forced to commit to something, I might as well do it at a place I like. Something about Richard Stockton College just felt like home. I walked around campus that first orientation and it just felt so right. I guess I also could use a little bit of that, which is why I’m going back this weekend. Must remember to bring my camera so I can take pictures of the place so I can remember why I loved it so much when I was going.

It’s that old fashioned debate about whether I want to get a job just so I’m working or I want to get one that I enjoy… I understand the importance of working, I won’t make light about that.
But it wouldn’t hurt to enjoy what I do.

First I need to figure out what I enjoy. What I’m passionate about, and even what I know a bit about already. That’s half the battle.
And of course the 2nd half is finding a place where I can do it.

Chances are that the only way I’ll be able to do that is to carve my own niche… and that might be more difficult than finding a job with my degree in Pennsylvania.
Carving a niche means that I have to be resourceful and I have to take on a great deal of responsibility. I don’t know how to even begin to do that.

Perhaps I can go into editorial or entertainment journalism.
Heck, if I were really intelligent, I’d set myself up as a local movie columnist… well intelligent and resourceful.
Maybe there’ll be something in journalism or entertainment at the job fair…

Then there’s that other thing at the back of my mind. That idea of working at a rehabiliation center for youths coping with addiction… I believe you need special education for that to start with and I doubt there’s even a place like that around here.
Of course this is all in thanks to having Julian in my head.

You know its really bad when his name comes at the most random moments. Jillian Michaels was on Rachel Ray this morning and when I said her name out loud… well, you can guess what happened. For some reason, he’s weighing heavily on my mind this morning.

On the positive, I did get a couple more paragraphs out of him yesterday. Though I’m not sure if I’m even on the same grounds anymore. Even talking about the same character.
Heck, I don’t even know what’s going on with mine. She’s ridiculously sympathetic about his situation to the point she feels so bad for him that it leads her into making out with him. She can’t explain it anymore than I can.

In more ways than one, it might be a complete mistake. The people that know her will probably think she’s throwing her life away, when there’s no telling if he’s going to return to his old ways the next day. Two years or two months doesn’t seem to make a difference, he’s unstable at best.
And I’ll admit while listening to the first track of The Futurist, that situation came to mind with the chorus. All the more to make me stumble over the fragile timeline… I’m thinking of Julian with this line that’s coming from the mouth of 40 year old RDJ.

Uh huh, he’s weighing heavily on my mind this morning, and clearly was last night if the first couple songs had me thinking about him. Perhaps it was my mind fishing for inspiration for what to happen next in this really weak storyline.

All I have right now is a little character development. And since when does it make sense for two people, who’d only met one other time, to be all over each other. Particularly the one who didn’t have the problems going into it… do Diane’s predicament and actions say more about her personality than his? Perhaps… she’s a ridiculously sympathetic individual and in the two weeks they didn’t see each other, she thought about him everytime someone came into the hospital with some measure of alcohol poisoning or a car accident involving drunk driving.

Is two weeks and two meetings enough to really establish that sort of relationship?
Eh, why not? One night stands are called that for a reason… and sometimes those situations blossom into something more. We see it in movies all the time.
Maybe I’m afraid that the situation is too simple. The characters only have one thing going for them. Diane accepts the fact that she wants Julian in her life and can’t seem to keep her hands off him… for whatever reason.
Julian is still fighting the urge to return to his old ways, even though two years is a really long time to still be in this battle, and while he understands Diane’s feelings for me no more than she does, he appreciates the time she’s giving him.

He and Blair had a fling or two when Clay was away at college, but she was more of a support system for him than a lover… other than that, though, I don’t believe he had been with another woman in quite this way. Certainly not while he was high and dealing with those issues.
Perhaps in the book, he was more promoscious. I don’t know that for sure. Though I do know that in the book, he was not only using, but he was dealing as well. Which in turn makes him a less sympathetic character.

The movie probably did away with a lot of things about the book, but that’s why it works, according to most critics. RDJ brings a brilliant performance because he seems to be cut from the same cloth as Julian… as he said, living the same lifestyle he was at the time he auditioned for the movie. Suppose he was a dealer as well as a user in the movie, I’m not sure if I’d be as sympathetic or wrapped so tightly around his finger as I am at this moment.

So I guess I’ll have to discuss my strengths and weaknesses some other time. Once again I didn’t come out with the entry I went to so I had to do a very rare title change… don’t know what it is about this guy, but he has a way of derailing many of my rants.
The job fair was more or less a bust. It was very overwhelming with all kinds of stuff going on, and it made me glad for my degree. It at least gives me a sense of direction.

More than anything right now, I just want to go back to watching some YouTube clips, lol

Also watched “Phantom of the Opera” this afternoon, the first time I had in at least 3-4 years. It was on HBO a lot when I was in college. It’s so timeless and amazing, and never fails to be a tear-jerker. It always seems to catch me by surprise. I suppose it was around the end where they’re at Christine’s grave where I really started to lose it.
But unlike some other recent episodes, it was a good cry… cuz I was able to control myself after a couple minutes and its one of those things that reminds me that I still have emotions and whatever else makes me feel things.
Also had to reread the sequel I wrote to Jonas’s story because I was inspired by the 2004 movie to the point that I had all of my characters carry out a high school production of it. Considering that the rights to it have been given to a high school recently, it’s not too far-fetched an idea anymore. Such amazing music… maybe I’ll be able to set it to my keyboard.

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