Farewell at aLexus

Note the spelling.

one thing I will say… I never expected to develop an emotional attachment to an inanimate object.

Basically this is my history with the car in a nutshell:

First of all, I didn’t learn to drive in our Lexus E350.
We started with the RAV4… not because I had trouble with the stickshift (mostly the MPG)
I learned on the PT Cruiser, which handled pretty well, although the turn-signal switch was tempermental while trying to move over in the parking lot to turn

But when I got my lab tech position at… the lab, which I will not name, god forbid the people who run the place find my blog and hunt me down for bad mouthing them…

I had to learn how to drive all over again on the Lexus… which is probably the best car you can learn on. They’re A-U-T-O-matic, run great, very hardy…

So while commuting, we encountered:
a dirt road which I almost spun out of control and gotten into a wreck with a tree
a few times where I had some tight right turns to make and I had to be wary of the opposing traffic (had to back up once to avoid a collison at 5 mph)

Oh yeah, and there isn’t a scratch on it…

unless you count two encounters with the garage in which the car lost…
ugh… I hated pulling into that garage cuz its hard to judge on the right side if im too close (the dent suggests I was undeniably close)…
and pulling out, i was too close on the left and the car “got away from me”

and three little notches in the paint from that one rear-ending incient where I wasn’t even going 1mph at a traffic lift seconds away from turning green… which took $319 out of my pocket

I’m not a perfect driver, never bragged that I was… but the Lexus and I had been through a lot together in that year and change.

Heck, I put more miles on it than anybody else. The dealership was asking why there were so few miles on an 8-year old car… sheesh, guys, don’t judge us because you drive greater distances in that time…

The final count was 89,216 miles, I had to ask

So let’s see…
I’ve heard it mentioned briefly a couple of times recently that it would be traded in for a pick-up truck… which all denotes to storage and trunk-space…
we have a Mazda (my mom’s newest acquisiton last year when I couldnt pick a car) and a BMW only 3 years old…

the logic on trading Lexus in is to the following:
a) why get rid of a newer vehicle (BMW) that’s perfectly fine? and
b) supposedly the A/C was starting to go and it was in need of a front-end alignment

Yesterday my folks were out shopping all day… and there were a few factors that led me to suspect something was up.
I can be pretty intutiive sometimes, but most of the stuff I investigate doesn’t result in my best interests

a) they were out for several hours the day before vacuuming the inside, cleaning the outside
b) they took all of my CD’s (and our Enya CD, denoted as “Lexus music”) out of the car
c) {pas de resistance} our roll of TP for emergencies that is in the trunk was on top of the dryer
d) they had been gone almost all day for only a couple of items and called me around 1pm to say they wouldn’t be back until 3

So much for my theory that, mentally, I’ve already reached the age of 25…
because I don’t believe I’d blubbered this much over losing something since Dodger died. This wasn’t nearly as dramatic as that…

In the long run, my dad’s pretty good with a lot of things. But when it comes to breaking news, he could approach things a lot better.

His first word cut like a knife… technically speaking, though, I was coming to realize at that moment that I had lost what had become a good friend and didn’t get a chance to say goodbye or take one last drive in it. I think my last time was taking my sister to see the new Pirates film.

The first 10 minutes afterwards (b4 I learned it has Sirius/XM radio), I felt like a hole had been punched through my chest. Not nearly as crippling or debilating as when Edward left Bella in “New Moon” but that was the image that came to mind with how I felt

For the foggiest reason, he couldn’t understand why I was in pieces.
“What do you think?”
“I have no idea…”

:rolls eyes:
there is an unbelievable amount of things that sprang to mind for me at the moment.

One of them certainly wasn’t that I “didn’t need a car”… seeing as, again, not working, blah blah blah…
obviously its going to be very hard to get sympathy if I ever plead my case that I don’t know what the hell I’m doing with my life, what I want to do

The only times I had used it was to drive to the movies and the one time I drove to campus to see my friends recently… :sigh:

All kinds of things came to mind later on and today as well when I took the time to realize what this means for me.

Ultimately I’m stuck here until someone hires me…
there will be discussion about getting a car once that happens and the money in my account will go towards it

I’m stuck in another sense. It’s either getting hired or being stuck.
Grad school is officially off the table because I can’t afford it AND a car… chances are that I won’t get hired without a Master’s degree in whatever scientific field I want to go into…

OMG…
that whole argument came to mind mere hours ago.

 

I didn’t believe for a second that the reason this ultimately went down was because I had no ambition and the whole “my needs are greater than yours” spiel…
from another POV and the long-run POV, yes, it makes sense for the switch.
Just didn’t seem fair that I had to be targeted because I… shoot, I can’t even finish this sentence without tearing up…

First and foremost, it was the notion of not getting to say goodbye to the car that shook me the most. It happened really quick so I was expected to adjust immediately.

Next came the lack of freedom and independance. Not that I go out all that much, but I’d like the option.
“It’s no fun depending on other people for rides”

I think what he found most off-putting about my reaction was that he was proud of his purchase… really liking the truck…
it’s nothing against the truck, I mean, it looks AMAZING… so gorgeous. But I came to realize that I wouldn’t have anything to drive.

Even if I was allowed to, the BMW might be too much for me to handle. Too many horses under the hood, if you know what I’m saying
And I didn’t really want to drive the Mazda because it just wouldn’t be the same.

That whole thing I went through the day after we went to the dealership to shop around… when I was crying at the steering wheel during my commute at the mere thought of having to say goodbye to a sweet ride and not have anything else that I’d like quite as much.

My overall notion of an ideal car right now is a Toyota… oddly enough I’d been considering that I might invest in a Prius for the sake of better gas mileage and fewer trips to the gas station, less money spent on gas… even though I had a thing against priuses, it might be worthy of consideration.
Corolla is something I’ll definitely look into, seeing as the same people made Lexus and I like the compact feel of the car opposed to the Honda Fit, which I felt uncomfortable with how roomy it was inside. Like I wouldn’t be able to judge where the car is while in traffic, that sort of thing.

 

In essence, Sirius/XM “80’s on 8” made everything better… I loved that station when they played it at work… I don’t believe I’ll get sick of 80’s songs for a very long time. I think it would take a good week or two before I got tired of that stuff

It’s nice to know my way around some of the better stations on that device…

 

With time, I’m sure I’ll be completely over the loss of Lexus… I’m already feeling pretty good about the replacement. Though I’m not sure if I could imagine driving it myself when I turn 25 and the insurance will cover me with leased vehicles.

what else is going on?

I’m looking into getting a haircut soon.
Can’t help but think about Lady Gaga’s song simply called “Hair” where she repeats how she wants to be as free as her hair… something like that.

Because it’s probably the only part of my outer appearance that I can control… at least easily. Better than all that facial stuff for acne and crap… I don’t mind foundation every now and then to cover things up but I’m not a make-up type of person. Strange for a girl to say that, but I believe in seeing people beyond appearances.

The fact I want my hair straight is more that it just looks and feels nicer than that.
I’d given up the practice of straightening after hearing the Pop Life lyric “don’t you know straight hair ain’t got no curl”

But man, I need a change in appearances just for that.
There are things I’d love to do with my hair, colors I’d like to dye it (anything but what I have)… but the only thing I’m allowed to do, bar none, is straighten it.

I mean, I’d dye it red or blonde and that idea is thrown out immediately. Mostly because of the chemicals and some “permanent” damage that might occur.
For a reason I can’t fathom, guys seem to like girls with long hair so I’m not really allowed to get it cut super short.

I’d like to try Alice Cullen’s pixie hairstyle (see “Twilight”… not the sequels)
or even Alexis Grace’s short haircut… but that might be a little too short.

seriously guys, if you like long hair so much, grow your own…

Sometimes I even consider having my hair dyed jet black… like the Asian girls have it thanks to their genetics.

Technically speaking, Japanese girls are probably among the world’s prettiest. This coming from a culture that looks to perfection for a lot of things.
I envy them, although some probably would say they wish they had my curls.

A lot of people would kill for my curls and my long eyelashes… or so I’ve heard. I promise this is not a vain attempt to boost myself up.

Last night was a bit of a blur between a couple of things.
An interesting crowd at the bar, golfers from ages 30+ were doing shots, chugging beers and doing push-ups… let’s just say the place, owned by the township, has gone to the dogs because what they got away with (being behind the bar is a biggie) isn’t even illegal

Had two glasses of Pino Grigio, my go-to happy hour wine… which I do well with most of the time, but depending on other factors, I can have some hard nights with the stuff, that foggy that descends that’s somewhat like drunkness, but not quite there.

Because my folks were out all day, I took it as an opportunity to get through as much of Kingdom Hearts II as possible… seeing as I have to play through 6 days of game time as Roxas before getting to play as Sora, I wanted to get to play him while the memories of the first game were still fresh in mind.
The transition with the look and Haley Joel Osment’s voice changing was a bit easier to handle because of that. But I more or less retreated from humanity (except my sister who likes to watch me play my fav. video games) yesterday, especially after getting the news about Lexus where I had to get away to avoid the questions sure to follow. I didn’t want to have that conversation.

It was kinda along the lines of “it was like somebody died”… that was my mentality.

Because of a number of factors, I only had time for one RDJ clip and it was his discussion of The Soloist.
boy, Steve Lopez was an excellent characterization that he did… and its one of those “art imitating life” moments. He was so brilliant in that role, but I’m being a little biased. The movie is through his eyes, but its more about Nathaniel Ayers than Steve Lopez

Charlie Bartlett and The Futurist, which I chose to indulge this week Wednesday and Thursday, were excellent choices in the long run… but damn… I really let myself go after all was said and done with them.

They weren’t quite “crying myself to sleep” nights, but when I took the time to reconsider my position in this world, I couldn’t handle it. My position in the world is depressing… unmoving and unchanging… and I didn’t know what I could do to change it.
The Futurist came off really good this time as it did the week before… now it’s becoming a regiment all over again. gotta listen to it once a week.

This time was kinda different because I was actually getting visuals coming into play with some of the songs. Like scenes of him performing the first one… bits and pieces of Kiss Kiss Bang Bang because the song was in the credits. I talked myself out of the visuals halfway through that 2nd song…
after that, I dunno… I let myself swirl around in his world for the rest of that half hour…

Little Clownz always seems to bring forth an emotional response from me.  Short lived because the song that follows is more upbeat and has… what’s that word… unity (tee-hee)

All kinds of things come to mind with the last three… Details is very profound, along the lines of Little Clownz emotionally but its more of a personal take on the subject rather than encouraging those who are in need of hope to hold onto it

I’m quite liking the “Born this way” album, though I seem to have trouble seeing any of the other albums from that same POV… not just a bunch of songs put together, but they all have personal meaning for the artist in question. Truly reflecting who they are. “Born this way” is definitely a more personal album… so many great things about it that I can’t even go into it without making it another whole entry.

And yes, “Judas” is one of the biggest pieces of why I love the album. Even if I’m not feeling the first three tracks as much, it automatically makes everything better.

 

I had the most interesting dreaming experience last night… it had me thinking about “Inception” a little bit because I had dreamt this one outrageous dream and I was talking about it with my mom in the next dream…
then I realized, as much as I’m looking forward to seeing it premiere on HBO on the 18th, I realized that we’re going to be at the shorehouse that weekend… dammit, I hate when that happens, I really do.

Well, better “Inception” than whenever Iron-Man 2 comes to HBO… where the hell is it, people? I’m still waiting!!

It was probably one of the most vivid dreams I’d had in a while and I’ll try to get as much written down as I can about it before I completely forget.

Yeah, I’d forgotten how to not do run-on sentences too.

I was with a group of people who were in this situation… we had a couple of bad people we had to worry about. I don’t know what they were after or why they were after it. We were probably learning how to fight or combat them over an amount of time

Then the situation came where we were dealing with one of them on the 2nd floor of a building… which seems to be under construction because all I remember are metal support systems for the walls and the stairs and such… some random abandoned building… we were dealing with one of the bad people and I can’t remember now (nor could I several hours ago when I was in the 2nd dream, talking about it) what he was like or what weapon he had.

The first thing I remember about the dream, as of right now, we dealt with one person, and a piece of metal fell from one floor to the next. And I believe we saw one of our comrades as a skeleton or a burnt corpse.
The person we were dealing with on the ground floor was equipped with a flamethrower, but a part of it was strapped to his back, like a tank or something… and he was the one we really had to worry about because he was the most dangerous.

Not sure why he was setting fire to everything or why he wanted to destroy us. It was something out of a movie the way it was all set up.

Then I remember a situation where I come face to face with him. He was a big, muscular guy with a scary expression on his face, sinister and such. We were holding hand-held lighters, but they were devices that launched fire. Kinda like the device that burns the sugar-crust of Creme Bruleees but my dad uses it to light his cigars…
that came to mind because I could never figure out how to make it light up. Too many buttons to push at specific times. I was face to face with him, not as scared as I should have been, given the situation. It was like a stand-off because he was ready to “fire” his weapon at me… by my luck, it wouldn’t lit. Neither did mine. He dropped his on the ground to swap for something better, I pick it up and after a few tries, I get it to work… I’m launching fire or something at him to ward him off

A few things happen…
the next thing I remember, the guy isn’t as muscular as I thought he was… he was this scrawny, tough man who was probably in his 50’s or 60’s… I dunno, kinda of a cross between Clint Eastwood and Willem DaFoe (as he was in the Spider-man trilogy)… what ultimately happened, was that we hooked him up to a device, mechanical in nature, to hold him in place while he was next to some realy flammable materials. And we lit the fire quickly and we incapacitated him when the flames engulfed him.

By the time the police came to take him away, he had all those burns all over him but he was still alive and as sadistic as he ever was, though his expression wasn’t nearly as intimidating as it was in the initial stand-off…

so yeah, very strange. I dont’ believe I’d dreamt about anything like that, dealing with criminals and such that were really dangerous. I just couldn’t believe how brave I was in the dream in that stand-off. Almost as if I knew it was a dream and therefore, he couldn’t hurt me… that kind of logic came to mind later but that was probably why I felt that way.

Even stranger was me discussing that dream in yet another dream… I’d never done that before, never had that kind of lucidity

Oh well, time to work on straightening my hair.
We’ve got somewhere to be later… yet another great family gathering, to be sure 😎

One more thing I forgot…
in the 2nd dream, I kept referring to Sherlock Holmes as “Sherlock”… affectionately, actually. I guess my dreams are trying to tell me something. To start reading up on Sherlock again, because my dad’s trying to get us to read his Lee Child books because he’s very good with the deductive reasoning as well.

I doubt anyone can do it as well as Sherlock.
Yeah, I guess I do have somewhat of an affection for that brilliant man. Fictional or not.

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