Celeb hysteria: IMBY

You know that whole acronym “not in my backyard”… not sure how it came about, but in this case, that IS the case. Except that my backyard is more like my high school.

Well, I took a trip down memory lane these past couple days. I have three Word.doc about the same person, the same experiences, but all in different formats.
Though not quite to the points of different where I wrote three accounts of that weekend I spent on campus with my friends.

1) all of the “raw” data… all of my original notes, sometimes on a day-to-day basis, about progresses in musicals as well as synposises of plays I worked on for an hour or so after the fact
2) a rough narrative that covers most of the major events, almost in diary-format, though not to the point of 1.
3) a fictional account of the same events with a few major and minor changes

It’s quite interesting sometimes to reread some things I’d written years ago that I haven’t seen in a while.
But this is probably one of the roughest things I’d ever written. And I’m not saying that just because its about me being in a romantic relationship with a guy that happens over a couple of months, which seems a little unrealistic given some circumstances… and the fact that he is gay in reality, so therefore the relationship I create with him is impossible.
this is one of those cases you read about where experts suggest that you write in 3rd person POV because… how is it written in the book… can’t find the passage in my copy of “Master Class in Fiction Writing” but I did see something in there about not writing in 1st person with characters that are autobiographical

which I’m guilty of on a few accounts…

One thing about my character that I’m sure would be a turn off for a lot of people is her negativity, her insecurities and perhaps her perception is slurred on a lot of things.
Doesn’t say it aloud but it’s apparent she believes the world revolves around her on some accounts, worries about being forgotten about… is overly concerned with having a boyfriend or wanting a boyfriend… which is not too far removed from my slurred teenager perception.

Kinda annoys me how the two factors resulting in a relationship never came together:
I’m never interested in the same guys who are interested in me and vice versa.
Must make me sound like a pretty weak person because I had this idea that I needed someone else to be happy… the fact that nobody wanted me in that way is reason enough for me to not be happy with myself.

I’ve heard it said many times that unless you believe in yourself and or happy with yourself, you cannot move onto the next step and expect someone to believe in you the same way.
That’s my biggest issue. And usually within a couple of months (or an entire school year in some cases), I break down and confess my feelings to a person, suspecting that they’re not interested in me the same way.

Kirby seems to be the only proof of my patience on that issue. I’m working on that friendship, making sure that it’s good, very close… because my hope is that the person I spend the rest of my life with is in fact a good friend to begin with. That makes things a lot easier on my part. I know the person well enough to trust them and they can trust me the same way.


So let’s see… I’m rereading this, remembering some part of it more clearly than others about what happened during each part of putting the musicals together…
This story could do really well with a transformation of point-of-view. It’s one thing for your protagonist to be a little insecure about themselves, but after a while, I’m afraid nobody’s going to sympathize with my character… might get very sick of her and some of the ways she puts things.

Not a lot of the ways I associate myself with this guy are that far from how it really was. I had this undying devotion to him that I had to see everything he took part in, went out to see all of the drama shows, had to be in the musical companies to see him work and the whole thing come together over time.
And yeah, there were times where he knew pretty well 😉 that I was crazy about his talent. Of course, those were those classic high school moments where I would literally rehearse lines in my head about what I want to say for hours, even days beforehand… I’d agonize over it, actually. He might have thought I was a real creep at some points… I drafted a website for him for God’s sakes. To me, he was the sun and moon that was the gravity holding me down to this planet. Like the earth, I revolved around him physically and mentally.

Even more ironic, his name was the only name I didn’t change to “protect the innocent”… I may have drafted a story about him where his pseudonym was “Sam” but it doesn’t have the same oomph.
Zack will always be Zack.

Finally last night I had a moment of weakness and decided to google him… again. Just to see if I could find anything.
Not quite, not exactly true. I did it to find the website I drafted about him because I didn’t completely remember the address. One of my three angelfire sites that I’ve let go over the years.

I was a friend to his MySpace page but I don’t think he ever responded to me.
Hilariously, when I checked back there, there was one blog entry that dated back to 2007 where he was really tearing down Anthony Fedorov, who I had voted for and was backing up on American Idol, Season 4. He finished in 4th. I’m on Google Alerts and have been for a few years, just dying for him to release an album.

He has been in millions of productions of The Fantasticks and Joesph & The Technicolor Dream Coat…
Chris Trousdale is more likely to have an album out before Anthony.

So on his blog, Zack had read an article about him being in one of those productions and started ranting and raving in a most unflattering way.
Hilariously, I could hear his voice in my head as I was reading his words… he’s very passionate on stage but I hadn’t the slightest idea how he was in writing. He was ripping this guy a new one.
First off, it’s clear he doesn’t like American Idol… and he says that Anthony finished in 4th so that means next to nothing.
Then he actually wrote something that I found intriguing, REALLY intriguing…

Anthony graduated from my high school in 2003. He was a senior when Zack was a junior and I was a sophomore… I never saw Anthony in high school because I never thought to look for him. Heck, my best friend from middle school had all of the yearbooks and he wasn’t even in our NHS yearbook.
Secondly, he said that physically, Anthony had nothing going for him

he would know, I’m sure and bits and pieces of what he said, can’t remember right now, were more evident of his sexuality than I ever picked up throughout the duration of Oklahoma!
I found Anthony good looking and heck, I loved his Clay Aiken-esque voice. That got my votes more than the fact he had a sob story. It is miraclous that he is able to speak and sing again after a time where it was doubtful, but that wasn’t why I was voting for him

According to him, he was a recluse in high school, didn’t really talk to anybody and didn’t really appear to be taking his talents seriously.
In fact, I think I saw a flicker of jealousy and frustration on his part… saying that Anthony never went out of his way the way he had with the musicals, putting his heart and soul into them… never got involved in a single production.

Taking all of that into account, despite the fan I still am of Anthony after all these years, I disgress.
Although it never took much for me to argue that Zack was the most talented person in my high school’s performing arts department… I had living proof of my resolve. I saw him perform in all discplines with such finesse and such dedication and those memories will stay with me a long time. I may have to look them up on my documents every now and then, but there are some people you can never forget in his life.

also know this for a fact because in drama class, we did one scene together… it was in the “phone call” unit where we would stage phone conversations. Our scenario was that we were a couple ordering from a catalog and the operator had a hard-to-decipher accent.
Actually I read in my 2nd set of documentation that he was out sick the day we were supposed to do it… and the teacher asked if I wanted to wait for Zack to return or get it done with… I elected to wait because there was no way I was passing up a chance to work with him one-on-one once…

I was nervous on a couple fronts… the fact that I was acting alongside someone I heralded as a celebrity, and the same old stage fright I never did overcome during class…
but there was one point I remember a switch turning in my head and I was feeding off his energy and delivering a few good lines in response to our different operator on the other side of the phone.

good times 😎
one of the funniest things, though, is rereading some of the times where I keyed myself up and rehearsed for hours/days in advance and managed to have short conversations with him. And despite this being several years after the fact, I’m getting nervous and remembering my nerves each time I did so

and I remember the hysteria in my mind after the fact.

Aside from getting through three rounds of SAT’s, fighting to stay above water in my honors courses, and relaxing in Physics class (since it was my easiest of my 4 majors), my junior year revolved around the seniors, enjoying their work on stage… my god, did it blow me away. Still does.

They had their own circle, but they were a bit more accessible popular kids than the athletes.

Sheesh, the fact I put Zack on a pedestal and in fact, he never left in my mind… upping him to celebrity status in my mind, speaks volumes of my warped personality.

I used to know “My Fair Lady” like the back of my hand… and had at least a good 4 years after the fact.
Now my mind has chosen to forget bits and pieces of it. All I know is that the whole production meant a great deal to me because it was that much fun. Especially to see the seniors work.

I’m reading about what I’d written about “Oklahoma” and my mind is blank… I’m reading song titles I don’t even recognize. I only remember the storyline and more specifically, I remember a scene where Will Parker steals his bag of presents for Ado Annie to the peddlerman Ali Hakim… and the senior that year (when the seniors were juniors) who played him was HILARIOUS. His line delivery was ridiculously hilarious, especially when Will suggests he has $50 but Ali says “No, one dollar short”… this guy did it so that each word was at the top of his voice and it was in staccato

Some things you just never forget, especially the things that make you laugh the hardest and things that make you cry the hardest.
Laugh so hard that you’re crying, lol

I’m rereading my raw data, not remembering too much about the specifics. Oklahoma was a good 8 years ago.

One thing I always did was watch the musicals off-stage because I didn’t want to miss a beat from any of these guys. Everyone was really good, cannot say that enough.

I made sure to get my folks tickets for the nights Zack was in the cast, but it didn’t work to the advantage of Oklahoma… the Thursday show wasn’t nearly as good as the night before with the other cast. Even I had to concede the seniors did a better job.

Despite my concerns that I was scaring him off with my showering him with compliments and such, but he never seemed to mind. In fact he was appreciative of it… unless that was him being polite to not hurt my feelings.

In midst of googling him yesterday, I found something else vital. An artist profile. He’s part of a performing arts company in New York and had actually done some stuff since high school 😎
I picked him for Broadway the first time I saw him perform, but he just get there someday. I still believe that without a doubt in my mind 😉
Also found him on Facebook and left a message to let him know who I was… I’ll see for sure when/if he replies whether or not he thinks I’m this crazy person or he liked what I did for him. Despite the fact I admit to letting his website go into disrepair… haven’t updated it since he graduated, lol

Yeah, I’m just gonna get lost in nostaliga so no point in really getting down to it.

It would be kinda cool if I could get together some sort of story because on him,  but something that’s a bit more realistic. I’ll have to see what I feel like pursing later on. Everything’s worth revisiting every once in a while.


Don’t remember much, but had some interesting dreams last night.
One was a little odd because I was watching TV waiting for them to show the top 10 “teachers on film” but they did another list. Next thing I know, I’m talking to the Nostaliga Critic, trying to figure out why the schedule was changed like that (strange in the fact that he doesn’t do his thing on Reelz Channel, he has a website)…

Then there was another where Robert Downey was a major fixture.
While I lost myself in nostalgia last night with my documents, I decided against watching or listening to anything related to him other than the YouTube shtick. And Wednesday I usually do that cuz I have the extra time after the primetime programming.

I think he appeared on Regis & Kelly and he was on a couch next to Natalie Portman… kinda the way he did in another talk show in Britan, but he wasn’t next to her or getting interviewed with her in particular.
He had the Tony Stark look going for him and my God, he was handsome, but I don’t remember a word he said. Don’t think I heard him speak, actually. So maybe that’s my mind playing tricks on me, seeing as I don’t accept any way that my dreams are interpreting him, so it makes more sense for him to be there and not say anything than say something that’s inaccurate.

Woke up to a helluva storm this morning with thunder and pea-sized hail.

There was a Viennese Waltz on the dancing show last night that was to a David Cook song that was really good… but it’s not on my album.
But it just might be the motivation I need to actually listen to it. That way if I like it, I can get the next album and it’ll be sure to have that song on it.


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