Surrendering for a night [attempt 1]

Usually, and I mean this going back 3-4 years ago, it would take a lot for me to surrender anything regarding Prince. Giving up an entire day of not listening to his music… wouldn’t exactly call it torture, but at the time of my overexposure to him, it was pretty close to that.

The trick is that I didn’t really miss him until I let him go… didn’t experience the void left in my life without him until I unknowingly gave up a couple of days to resume a somewhat normal life. Not that my life was ever normal.

After I turned 13, I started to realize that I never really did lead a normal life. Or so that became the norm after I became 13 and my writing took off that winter… and I found solititude and isolation in my own world of my writing. Mostly about someone who would accept me for me and would see only me.
It’s pretty shallow to go through life believing you’re not complete without a man, that you need to be accepted in order to feel whole and complete… it’s still something I struggle with, among many other things.

I may, in time, comment a little more on what happened to Amy Winehouse and the strange effect her death has had on me. I kinda dismissed her as a hopeless case, but the fact she has joined the “forever 27” club… and also the fact that the things that ailed her had taken the lives of other people and most certainly could have left me in a world without the possibility of any new RDJ films…
granted, I would have found something else or someone else to keep me company during this difficult time in my life of finding myself, but his being around has made it all the more easier. There are occasional moments of pain…

yikes, almost like I have to have him around or else there will be that pain of loneliness to eclipse my being…

strangely at the moment with my headache (brought on by 9 drinks of White Zin and sangria combined) and in my tired state where I’m unable to write anything other than about myself, I’m starting to seriously consider surrendering, handing over the reins of my subconscious to Prince for the rest of the night

between Ally McBeal this morning and maybe 1/2 an hour+ of Sherlock Holmes tonight, I may have gotten my fill. At some point I’m sure my folks are going to realize I’m rewatching these episodes on purpose… well, duh… I’m sure my mom’s going to make that comment in a day or two when we see him performing “River” by Joni Mitchell…
strange how the guide says the episode after Christmas will be tomorrow and the Christmas episode will be Wednesday… when they are listed in reverse order… not that it really matters at the exact moment.

Simply extraordinary that I might give myself the ol’ switcharoo… RDJ for Prince on a night like tonight…

I believed I suspected something was missing those couple days I didn’t listen to a single Prince song… but when I heard “Kiss” on the radio, a song I didn’t really care much for, everything went back into perspective… simply had to keep listening to him because I feel like there’s something missing without him.
I carried that philosophy and my iPod with me for a solid couple of years… until I had finally had enough. I listened to “Last December” near midnight come 2009 and decided around that time that I would stop listening to Prince, give myself a break until I felt the need to return… after that, things weren’t completely the same “between us”… and I use quotes as to not insinuate that an actual relationship takes place… same applies to the supposed “rivarly” between Prince and Robert for my affections…

I’d already kinda decided that for my completely outrageous birthday present… I believe earlier I was asked by one of my aunts what I wanted… I suspected it would come to this, so my mind went to the most obvious choice at the time.

Being the somewhat knowledgable/realistic person that I am, I added stipulations like “except for the fact that he’s currently working on a film, he’s married and he’s old enough to be my dad”… but yeah, crazy as it may sound… I openly admitted, but I believe my mom’s the only one that heard me say that I kinda wanted Robert Downey for my birthday…

totally crazy, right?
Taking all of those realistic obstacles into account, it’s highly unlikely.
But its good to have those moments where I realize deep down I can be a very sensible person and I know my limits 😉

a similar question came up when I was months away from having back surgery to correct my scoliosis… there was nothing/nobody I terribly wanted at the time.
had my affections for this man came from that time, that could have been a potential disastrous proposal… it was December of 1999… he could have been filming Wonder Boys or Ally McBeal at the time and had been just getting out of his latest stint in rehab.

As crazy as I am about Larry Paul, I don’t think that would have been a good time for our paths to cross… even if it were possible and yeah, completely ridiculous.
I was only 13, I only wanted a gameboy at the time so I could jump on the Pokémon bandwagon

And in hindsight, I believe Prince is in Europe at present so that also seems a bit unrealistic to ask to go to a concert for my birthday… no such concert to get to at this time and place.
Ideally, I might get more out of having a conversation with Prince than the other option :shrug:
an intellectual conversation would be good for me, certainly

I pretty much got that my aunt was asking if I wanted Brad Pitt (which I probably wouldn’t mind all that much, except that he’s also married and he’d have to come as his character from Inglorious Basterds, accent and all, lol)… and my mom openly said that Robert was “a cutie”

that’s a little inapproriate, don’t you think?

Anyway, with the show today, I pretty much had a ball, but I probably went through so many cases of bipolar disorder that my head was spinning… and I was the bipolar one.

I was trying to decide where my feelings lay with this guy… I took notes about this and that… surprisingly, he was in 7 scenes in the entire episode… and it kinda helps that Ally hired him as her lawyer for a case… ironically opposed to the same woman RDJ was in bed with in another movie… fellow cocaine addicts, except his method of choice and his debts were more explosive and led to more self-destruction

speaking on that, I really am starting to feel bad about Amy Whinehouse… and I more or less made a vow earlier that I wasn’t going to take another case like hers for granted again… it was fictional, but Julian died because of his addiction and his destructive behavior… and that kinda had me guilt-ridden for months, literally trying to find loopholes to save his life… which I managed to do. But in life, there aren’t always that many second chances.
I really oughta thank God more that Robert managed to beat his addiction so I can enjoy his acting genius in this day and age… although I admit I did a lot of that thanking and praying in the first couple months of my preoccupation with him.

Yeah, ridiculously bi-polar… at first, I was literally on fire thinking about him, looking at him… then I’d think that things were cool “between us” until he arrived back on screen… then as I got used to his presence, the magic started to disappear… starting to panic a little bit… then finally when he and Ally decided to go out and get together, I was back to where I wanted to be. I scribbled down a few ideas, so I’m hoping that tomorrow I’ll start to draft the first chapter or two. I have somewhat of a rough first chapter on hearing the news of his return…
I might not have time to get a huge start with the show coming on around 11am… and because I’d had so much to drink today (I’m kinda lucky that I’m able to type as well as I am at the moment, even with this headache), I might just sleep in until 10-10:30…
also in part to me getting up early to see “Top Gun” at 8am this morning… hey, it came out in theaters 25 years ago, I’m turning 25 on Friday, I gotta see it sometime this year and I might not get another chance anytime soon.

Great movie 😎
and I guess cuz of his work with RDJ, I kinda like Ice-Man a bit more than I did the first several times I saw the movie I’m so ridiculously fickle… giving all of these actors a second chance/look cuz he worked with Robert at some point in their careers…

me filling out an entire notebook page and the margins with notes is always a good sign with this guy. I’ll have plenty to write/think about… when I get around to writing about him.

I might be able to find a single short clip on YouTube, but after that, I can hand the reins to my subconsicous over to Prince for the rest of the night. I don’t doubt that it’ll be good for me to get a little bit of a break.

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