Female Enpowerment and Male “swooning”

Swooning being in place of male bonding…

now I’m having second thoughts about writing this entry because my mind’s in one place and my heart’s tugging me in another

One thing I’ve found kinda odd recently in the past several  months is how much more I’m responding to female influences than I have in my entire life… I’d gotten along quite well without being among my sex, the fairer sex. Aside from my aunts, I never really felt a camerarderie or need to be with a bunch of girlfriends.
Never had that true female bonding experience and probably one of the few things I find I’m lacking in life.

You know it’s bad when you can count your closest female friends on my fingers and I’m not keeping touch with four of them… maybe five… that I was close with back in elementary and middle school…

with the guy friends I’d have over the years, I can at least get to my toes when it comes to counting them… but with the two combined, all of the friends I’d had in life are so few and far between that I might not need every finger and toe to count them.

It might be to compensate, me saying ths, but it might have some truth to it… that I think quality is better than quantity. And I especially feel the need these days to be more honest and open with my friends, not taking them being there for granted… because I’ll have my periods of depression where I need to talk to somebody and that sensation that I’m not entirely alone in this world.

It’s my own fault that the ones I really relay on happen to be the ones I can never get in touch with… for the most part.
and its my luck that now I feel the need for the female bonding experience these days and I can’t get in touch with the girl friends I’d like to do that with

it would be in my best interest to take what I have instead of asking for what isn’t readily available.
but if I make enough of a point that I need to talk, that might be all I need.

so at long last yesterday, I got around to watching the extended cut of “Suckerpunch”… which again blows me away on multiple levels.
this time I made sure to really note where the different levels of consciousness were and tried to consider in spots what happened in the actual mental institution in place of what went wrong in the brothel setting.

there were at least four scenes I could specifically place as brand new and that I hadn’t seen before… two were rather short, one where Rocket tells BabyDoll about her cleaning duties as the new girl and about the significance of “the closet”… which is only briefly alluded to towards the end when Blue has Sweet Pea locked in there after Rocket gets killed… another where Mme Gorski quotes Mark Twain…

then the two longer scenes were on opposite ends of the spectrum. Granted, they were both great scenes and I loved their inclusion in the extended cut. But in the long run, I didn’t see the point of this huge musical number where Blue and Mme Gorski cover a song that sounded very briefly like the David Bowie track from “Inglorious Basterds”… but I think it was called something like “Your Love is Just a Drug”… I know it wasn’t the same title as that Kesha track

all of the dance numbers in that were really incredible looking… but in the long run, it made no sense to the rest of the movie. It just gave the audience a look at the type of setting this world is… it didn’t really do anything to show off the main characters, except u get to hear the two sing

once again, the killer soundtrack won me over and the love affair kinda took off from there… I am nuts about this movie. but I immediately get the sense its one of those movies I don’t want to overexpose myself to for multiple reasons (one huge one being that it’ll lose the spark that pulls me in every time) and that I need to be careful on my timing with watching it…
because it stays for me for hours, even days afterwards. There was a bit of a numbness that came along with it, but it was something I embraced without question… my situation isn’t as dire as it is for the girls, but all the same, I wish I could escape into that alternate reality just as badly. Because at least there, I feel like I have a chance at happiness, the freedom to be who I want to be…

from those girls, I draw from their strength.

then the other additional scene came towards the end and really put things into perspective with Babydoll’s situation.
after she puts on a show, creating a diversion for Sweet Pea to escape, she gets taken into one of the rooms by the high-roller…
who ultimately doesn’t seem as bad as he’s made up to be. The entire movie, everything that happened was to avoid seeing him, knowing that he was coming… but despite the business he’s in, he comes off as the world’s nicest guy. He says that he doesn’t want to take advantage of her unless she freely gives herself to him… which she ends up doing… heck, I’m watching this and I’m in the same boat. I find myself wanting to, figuratively/metaphorically, get into bed with this guy because she’s ready to surrender.
Perhaps finally knowing that her life was for a greater purpose than her own freedom… it was to be an angel to Sweet Pea, giving her the chance to escape and providing her with the courage and need/want to live for all the girls… of which she was the only one who really stood a chance in the real world

after Sweet Pea escapes in the regular version, you skip right ahead to the doctor performing the lobotomy and saying that she gave him the strangest look, like she wanted to him to do it

this time the movie stuck with me in a huge way afterwards… that not only drove me to post Emily Browning in that first fantasy world on my desktop for a couple hours, which I had to look at while I played Free Cell to my remaining folder of “gifts” from one person who was extremely generous with these Prince tracks… and I spent close to an hour drawing my first sketch… which I’ll admit looks pretty good, not completely on point, but close enough for my tastes…
I could literally erase and re-trace a sketch for hours cuz just one little detail isnt quite where I’d like it to be… that’s my -ish of OCD

which is why I usually like to make a point of getting it right the first time before I have to erase.
I’m at least given a break here cuz its not the first time I’d sketched someone wearing the Japanese schoolgirl uniform (got my start in 8th grade with Sailor Moon and had quite a bit of time getting Kagome from “InuYasha” just right)

after having some ample time to let everything take its course (though I found it interesting how a remix of Prince’s song “Good Life” felt like it worked with my mindset after that movie… made for an easy transition), I changed my wallpaper back to what it was and I moved on…

unfortunately I wasn’t freed to dream on last night cuz insomnia got me once again…

naturally my next method of action is to read up on any movie that ceases to fascinate me to no end. Turns out that Amanda Seyfried and Emma Stone, two of my favorite young actresses at the moment were first cast choices for BabyDoll and Amber.

While it would have been nice to get some faces in there that are more familiar than just Vanessa Hudgens (I had seen Emily Browning and Jena Malone in other films before but they were either so-so films [Lemony Snicket’s for Emily] or it was before this current age where I remember the names of my favorite actors [Jena was in “Step-Mom” one of my favorite movies of my strange choices in favorite movies, lol])… I wouldn’t have changed anything about the cast at all. Everyone was so amazing in this that even more familiar faces might have taken away from the overall effect.

Right now I’m torn between two notions:

I’m geared more towards female artists in music because I seem to be more in touch with those issues (unrequited love, loss & loss, etc. etc.) at this moment than listening to a guy and dreaming about him day & night as a result.
but on the other hand, there are a couple guys in my life that make me swoon, make me forget that I believe I’m in some kind of pain (all in my mind, I promise that much).

I wanted to revel and just linger in the numbness and the sadness of “Suckerpunch”… the usual effect it has on me, and I consider myself kinda lucky that I was spared the tears that accompanied me the last time. Was in bed for maybe 10-15 minutes, wallowing in silence while I let everything sink in. Afterwards, I listened to the rest of disc I of Emancipation, which I had started listening to earlier that day.
It’s one of those moments where crying’s okay… it helps dispense emotions in an orderly fashion and once all of those hormones & accompanying chemicals have their run, your mind is free to calm down. That’s probably the greatest luxury of it all. Once everything is out and done with, the calmness that remains is incredibly welcome.

Heck, I should try that combination again over two nights back to back… the movie & the record… which twice after doing so, I’d had nights like that… and I was able to get a restful night’s sleep.
That’s something I’d probably kill for right now.

Ugh… had I not gotten a good night’s sleep since the dream I had last Tuesday that set me on this path of self-destruction? As much as it stinks to say, I think it might be true.

I have tried a total of three methods to get a certain someone’s attention… 2 voicemails, a Facebook wall post and much longer msg… :sigh: like I was writing down a goddam novel.
if he doesn’t have a clue already, he might have gotten something from that. Like I let something slip without actually coming out loud and admitting my true feelings.

my attitude the entire time I was watching my soap, I was waiting for the phone to ring and actually brought the oddest scenario to mind in the process… I was in a period of discontempt not wanting to be interrupted… then next I know, he’ll probably call at the worst possible time… which is ultimately anything that wasn’t this morning.
I have this weird thing where I will want to reach out for help and via msging, I do… then hours go by, I have stuff to preoccupy my time and I’m not interested in the help, should it come.

[still haven’t heard back so don’t jump to conclusions]
I thought seriously of saying something like “you have the worst timing, I don’t want to talk to u right now” and saying that if he hasn’t read my fb msg yet, I’m not interested in talking… like I could honestly give him the cold shoulder, in some way it’d be playing hard to get… and I’m expecting something out of a movie where if I answer, say I don’t want to talk and hang up… and expect him to call right back

it’s pathetic, isn’t it?

but it might be a good change of pace for me. I never lose my temper with Kirby or give him the impression that I’m truly upset or disappointed with him… I keep a brave face and pretend nothing’s wrong… the same faking I do with my family and the people that know me really well. For once in my life, it might feel good to resist any advice he has for me… cuz there’s only one thing I really want in life right now. And it’s for my writing to get noticed and for that career to be my career.
And it’s been ultimately reduced to waiting to get an email back from one of the agents I’d sent a query to. I count in my special gmail folder 10 queries I’ve sent out… and of those 10, I’d only heard back from 3… one saying it wasn’t for them, one saying it’s not a right fit and the one I was most anxious to hear from, Stephenie Meyer’s agent, said that they had an overwhelming amount of queries to get through

so I’ll see how all of this goes at a later date 😕 I dunno… I get the feeling that all of these people (except for the most recent 2-3) passed me over and didn’t have the deceny to reply. Or they just had one too many queries :shrug:
the one thing I really dread is the notion that my story’s plain not ready for any sort of consideration. Even though I’d been working on it for 8 years

no matter how much material I have in my writing folder(s), my heart is set on this being the first story my readers hear from me. Because it was the first truly original story that came from me.

there are also some times where I wonder if I’m submitting the right story at all.

speaking of female camerarderie…
I just got through listening to the album “Speak” by Lindsay Lohan
ah, and stop reading if all of the same conclusions keep coming out.

I don’t know what her situation is and I really don’t care as long as things get better before they get worse (as in Amy Winehouse, etc, etc. worse)… I just know I can’t really get my news or updates through actual news cuz everyone’s like the TMZ, they’re literally out to get her, thinking she’s never going to change.
I’m one of the few that believes she’ll one day grace the silver screen again.

But if I’m being purely honest, the most recent film I saw was “A Praire Home Companion” and “Bobby”… neither of which were all that great. I saw part of “Georgia Rule” and mean to see the rest on principle.
I loved her first slew of movies “The Parent Trap” (I saw both versions and prefer the newer one because I hated the fact the parents didn’t get back together in the original), “Freaky Friday” (still haven’t seen the original, don’t really plan on it or reading the book… which was hard to understand oddly enough), “Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen” (which I still love even though I’m not part of the target audience anymore) and “Mean Girls” (by far the best and my personal favorite)

I think I even went to the movies to see her in “Herbie: Fully Loaded”… even though it kinda sucked
😕 I think Justin Long was her mechanic, so it might be worth another look-see

anyway, I’m getting kinda off topic.

I have said that “Speak” was like the soundtrack for my senior year of high school and it speaks volumes of my idea of unrequited love.
Because I’d been so gaga over Gaga and checking heavily into the most recent music from my favorite artists (Maroon 5, Katy Perry, Taylor swift), I haven’t really enjoyed any other music. I was actually shocked that “Fearless” took a while to do me in as it used to… like all the time… because I was just outside the target audience.

Then there was David Cook and Lifehouse, with two new albums that I not only didn’t care for, but I felt between nothing and horrible afterwards. David Cook in particular seemed to hit me really hard on the points of myself that I mention on a daily basis, my flaws. Reminding me that I have no plan for my life and I’m miserable… music is meant to be an escape from reality, not bring it crashing back in

even though I graduated high school 6 years ago, the realm of coninciding ideas being 2004-5… which goes back 6-7 years… I still listen to “Speak” when playing through a specific part of Jak & Daxter… Misty Island and Sentinel Beach (if I’m really lucky, I get through the Fire Canyon by the last track)… which it might not have helped me get through Misty Island unscathed (I think I died at least 3-4 times), part of the reason why I listen to music while I do my video games cuz my game usually improves when my mind is preoccupied…

not only did I still love the music, but it had me thinking positively on a couple of grounds.
Firstly that it still has personal relevance for me. I tweeted that it speaks volumes about my “unrequited love life” and “different guy, same story”

and, I dunno… one of the tracks has a lyric “I can’t keep something that I never had”… it had me thinking about actually confessing and moving on, resigned to the harsh reality that is most likely my future… that it truly is unrequited love that nothing can be made of.

I’ll just clarify a few things real quick:
the majority of the songs were written by Kara DioGuardi and/or John Shanks…
John Shanks has collaborated with Michelle Branch for “Spirit Room” and Ashlee Simpson for “Autobiography”… so that’s already pretty huge in my eyes.

Kara, many know as an American Idol judge for two seasons, has collaborated with more artists than I can possibly name. Pink and Gwen Stefani are huge ones that I really don’t listen to 😕
but along with Lindsay, she has collaborated with Ryan Cabrera and Ashlee Simpson.
naturally I was excited to see her coming on to the show, as she writes for my favorite artists, but clearly wasn’t good enough for the show or the viewers

I only wish the best of luck to her and to keep doing what she does so well.
(the strange thing is that since her time on the show, Kara has become a really popular name… there’s a trainer on The Biggest Loser of the same name, and of course, there’s Cara Castillo on “All my Children”… who I’ve come to deem as one of the most beautiful women I’d seen on the series, almost to the point where I’d kill for that gorgeous hair, that exotic skin and those beautiful eyes)

I have mentioned this story several times before and oft dismissed it as something nobody is going to see. In part of that whole, I’m ashamed to show it to anyone because in hindsight, if I knew me and I was reading this, I’d think I was a person who was very conceited and inconsiderate of others…

I mean, people write books and screenplays about girls stealing boyfriends all the time. But should anyone I actually went to school with caught wind of it, let’s just say there’d be too many things flying around that it’d be impossible to keep track of who threw mud at who

the story’s nothing more or less than me living a fantasy:
I have the biggest crush on a guy I deem to be the most popular in school or at least the most popular one I could possibly have a chance with… except that he has a flock of sheep following him everywhere that I want to be a part of but I’m afraid of not being allowed to belong to, and he has a girlfriend…

time passes, I daydream of what could have been, fits of jealousy keep on erupting inside me, which ultimately results in me developing a case of split-personality… everything that I want to be in the “realm of light” is what she is, she’s brave, daring and takes chances I scarcely dream about.

it gets to a point where this other personality can’t stand by anymore and insists on taking over, that she’d make all of their dreams come true…
then for the strangest reason, he starts to have doubts, starts to pull away from his girlfriend and in her own jealousy, she dumps him cuz clearly he wants to be with me… this alienates me from his friends and while he insists he doesn’t mind losing their faith or the fact he’s choosing me over them, the other personality starts to develop a conscience… seeing her actions weren’t in everyone’s best interests (and at some point, I believe I say that I don’t want to meddle with his affairs… a confidence that ends up getting broken cuz its all or nothing)…

When I thought my feelings for this guy were getting really serious, I heard “Speak” from a completely different perspective. I think I heard it once that fall for the first time (I checked, I’d had it for close to a year b4 listening to it once) and was immediately put off by the punk/rock flavor that it had.
Only when I believed I was in love did it start to make a lot more sense.

Some of the thoughts that came to mind while listening to a couple of the songs are still with me.
“Nobody ’till You” is one of my personal favorites. In the movie that plays in my head while I was writing the story, I heard this song play at least twice, maybe three times… it was a reoccuring theme throughout. Pretty much about this being the first guy that made her feel invincible, loved and wanted.

While listening this time, I was picturing ending credits for the movie. Which would play out like your stereotypical teen movie… kind of a mix between “Mean Girls” and “Never Been Kissed”… I picture the screen getting darker, the couple slow dancing while the credits scroll upward on top of their siluhette (which’ll be more defined than figures cloaked in shadow)

So really, the story plays out as a combination of my living out a fantasy and being an album fic of “Speak”… all of the songs are relevent to certain parts of the story.
I even wrote down the order in which they “appear” on “film”.
To add to the madness (lol), I had a couple of songs featured twice… where they’d be presented as remixes, but in actuality, I’m listening to my CD player and I have my headphones half plugged in. It was a little something I found by accident years ago that had  me in a panic cuz I thought there was something wrong with my CD player… I was only hearing certain vocals and notes…
but I have kinda played around with that, and it remixes some of my songs in the most interesting ways.

I did it first with Dream Street and more than once, I’d done it with “Speak”…
the remixes serve as nothing more than reestablishing certain themes, sometimes in a different context. My tracking order according to “appearance” goes like this (if I remember right):

  1. Symptoms of you (3)
  2. Disconnected (8)
  3. Nobody ’till you (2)
  4. First (1)
  5. Speak (4)
  6. To know your name (9)
  7. First (“remix”)
  8. Rumors (11)
  9. anything but me (7)
  10. over (5)
  11. Speak (“remix”)
  12. something that I never had (6)
  13. last moment in time (10)
  14. nobody ’till you (“remix”)

It kinda starts about the symptoms of being in love, how it feels to be around that person.
“Disconnected” is full of paradoxes lyrically, but I think of it as a reference to possibly knowing a bit of the existence of a duo personality.
“nobody ’till you” celebrates the first substantial interaction me & him have and daydreaming begins
Jealousy starts to set in where I have “I wanna come first” attitude… not wanting to be part of that flock of sheep that want to be with him, not like every other girl who wants him…

The title is where I start to take some liberties… cuz in it, she’s screaming for a guy to be honest with her, but this conversation goes on in my head… the other personality trying to get a word in, convince me that I need to take a chance or she’s gonna step in in  my place… which comes to pass anyway

it gets very sketchy after that… track 9 refers to people wanting to know the name of the guy she’s being seen with… as she’s a celebrity and that’s fodder for the paparazzi… in my case, everyone’s curious to find out who the hell I am cuz I’m being seen with this guy… he’s popular and I’m a nobody in comparsion.
It takes on a different meaning, but the “remix” of the first track is eluding me when it comes to me placing it. I think it was a last minute addition that I made because I put more emphasis on certain lyrics the time around, which vary from the previous

“Rumors” is where it starts to get a little on the darker side of things… people starting to suspect foul-play on my part cuz I broke up the relationship between him and his girlfriend, who were apparently a really solid couple

“anything but me” is more from the POV of the other personality… starting to see the error of her ways, that because of her, I’m not being myself… the person I really should be, which isn’t the meddling type who shakes up the status quo

the main event that the past couple months have led to was a Spring Fling dance… I get everything I want, where I’m his date and we’re slow dancing together, coming up to where “Over” figures into the mix. control starts to shift back to me… I spend the song, some or part of it, considering how to break things off… ultimately saying that he’s meant to be with someone else and how I’ve seen the “error of my ways”

things really start to get complicated and tables turn with the “remix” of “Speak”… like a very stereotypical movie scene, I run out of the place they’re holding the dance and collapse outside in the rain… meanwhile in my subconscious, I’m having quite the interesting conversation with the other personality… pretty much adding sarcasm to every bit of advice she gave me in this song… how she pushed me into breaking through my walls when everyone would have been just fine if I stayed in my place

as if it’s possible to feel sorry for me now after all the destruction I caused…
time elapses… I return to school the following Monday (the dance was on a Saturday night), walking with a bit more confidence than before while the song plays in my head how “I can’t keep something that I never had”… and I resign to the fact we were never meant to be together

…then it gets a little bit sketchy with my explaining… somehow I cannot see the idea of me seeing him again at school… I never figured out how to write that… so I botched things up a bit, wrote that he had taken ill and we don’t see each other again until prom… which is a whole month later.

Perhaps in this rewrite, I’ll put down that he somehow got mono during spring fling and was hospitalized for over a month

I’ll have to edit and tighten things up a bit.
I make amends with the people I wronged in my trying to gain popularity. Somehow they’re easy to forgive despite all the destruction.. well, at least some of them are easier than others. I think I got on the right side of the girlfriend because I came to my senses.

But I write a fairytale ending that really has no real life legitamacy…
at prom, the crowd parts like the Red Sea… he asks me to dance, giving me the slow dance I always wanted… I put in a lot of BS because I don’t see it happening after all the havoc I wrecked over the past couple months… but he’s easy to forgive, believes I wasn’t myself… and maybe I can add something about my not having to try so hard and that I am capable of being loved on my own terms… just a matter of finding the right guy or the right guy finding me.

so I ultimately get sage advice from him at the end of it all… for once in my stories, I don’t get the guy at the end or the guy doesn’t get the girl at the end… however you want to put it.


Year after year, whenever I listen to “Speak,” the overall message never changes.
Although maybe not to the same degree, but certain songs have lyrics that echo my sentiments about love & loss.

“Nobody ’till you” for starters… naturally I want to come “First” in his eyes… there’s the notion that I might not be able to keep him cuz I “never had” him… the “symptoms” almost never change, and of course, the end-all, be-all of my lovelife’s existence… “Speak” [the title track] is about daring to go out of your comfort zone and really putting yourself out there

this complicated web of emotions I’ve weaved for myself varies from guy to guy…

long before Taylor Swift came around, those 11 tracks were my life’s soundtrack for the time I had a crush on this guy named Drew…
then “Teardrops on my guitar” come around, his name is mentioned in the song and the same sentiments echo from a different vocal.

Although my affections for Drew had come and gone (as he has from the market of “male seeking female”… still on the “male seeking male” market), my guess is that these songs will always have some kind of relevence for a guy I have eyes for.

Drew’s easy cuz his name is one syllable… Kirby has two, so it’s harder to put that to a song

but there seems to be a lot of similarities on the emotional level.
Although the situation has a lot of hugely obvious differences.

With Drew, I was always on the outside looking in, wanting to be “in”… we were never really close friends (I believe the last time we spoke was a little before his appearance on Wheel of Fortune’s college week, on which he won $100,000… and that was fall of 2008… I remember quite well because I had a test in Invertabrate Zoology that day and made sure to get through it in time so I could get back to my room and see the show, lol… and I might have run into a certain someone on the way back)…
with Kirby, I feel like I at least stand a chance. We’ve spent a substantial amount of time in each other’s company (just the two of us and with other people), know more than a couple things about each other… it wasn’t his popularity that drew me in as much as my overcomplicated subconscious with all the dreams or the fact things came really easy…

yikes, there used to be a time where he was the easiest person to be around. we’d talk, I wouldn’t have any sort of nerves and there was that short time I felt I could be myself around him as he brought out the best in me.
naturally my mind overcomplicates things when I dream about these guys as frequently as I do…

all I can say to conclude the comparsions is that if the Almighty has a hand in painting the dreams we have every night that all this isn’t his idea of a practical joke. I don’t like being jerked around with what-ifs and possibilities of having things that were never in my reach…
not that it would have come to this anyway cuz I’m me, but that idea was planted in my head and when things seem dark, it pisses me off nothing comes out of it.  

As I age and the music still strikes a chord of me, I believe a day will come where I can rewrite the story so it doesn’t literally sound like I’m my character, who is in the business of stealing boyfriends and going to any lengths in the pursuit of love and happiness no matter who gets hurt in the process…
I want to look at it and be happy about what I wrote because its a reflection of some really strong feelings and imagery. The fact that none of those things disappeared after all these years speaks volumes. I could just as easily work things out and I won’t have to worry about losing anything

in the realm of celebrity and impossibility, there are two guys that rule my world on different days, hours and wavelengths.

While its frustrating that I have few options to get my nightly fix (ah, I could always watch the Elton John video tonight, that always makes me smile), I still find that there are moments that still grab me about this guy. On a trip to IMDB today, I was scrolling down to check Entertainment news… I see a picture of this really cute guy and it takes two seconds for me to say “oh yeah, that’s Robert” (lol)… I appreciate when he comes out of nowhere, but Prince probably has that institution won by a landslide

cases in point: Tavis Smiley, Jay Leno and George Lopez… those appearances came out of nowhere, they did a good number on me on my otherwise tired-out rapport with him…
my predisposition when it comes to Prince is that I can’t do things in major strides with him… because I’d overexposed myself and don’t feel as strongly as I used to.

But there are some things I can’t control, one of them being his ability to make me speechless. I will watch the screen and have moments where I have to remember to breathe cuz he’s just that much of a dreamweaver… spellcaster as it were.

Last night while listening to that last folder of bootlegs from that overly generous individual, I found a couple of gems… among them was a couple versions of “Somebody’s Somebody”… which I will deem as the most overlooked Prince track of the 90’s… among 36 tracks on a three-disc album, you find it as the third track on the first disc of Emancipation…
I love everything about it from the simplicity of the notions of the lyrics to the twingy sitar to Prince’s beautifully various vocals.
its songs like that that remind me of how there was a time I was incredibly in love with Prince and his music… that genius has never completely left my subconscious and on occasion I enjoy listening to him. I think its about finding the right songs at the right times… if I can’t find the will to put myself to sleep tonight, I could put on one of his albums on my iPod. Not that I’d condone falling asleep to any of his songs, but it just might be what I need to do. That missing ingredient.

Then there’s Robert on the other hand, the other side of things.
every now and then, moments come along where there’s something in the news about him… new things going on in his career and his movies.
there’s also the occasional time where one of his movies or something featuring him will be on TV that slips under the radar. a movie I wasn’t looking for is usually the case… between that and news that comes out of nowhere and usually greets me when I get up in the morning (thanx to that article about the “Avengers” I started yesterday off on a good foot)…
this case being “the making of: Sherlock Holmes” on HBO… which I may have seen once or twice… either online or on actual TV… I looked through the movie channels and saw it was coming up, so why not, I couldn’t resist.

as much as I believe I’m tiring of the film and just about every interview he’d done (with or without Jude riding shotgun), this more or less confirmed that that’s not entirely possible.
I suppose I might be able to hold off on watching the entire movie again until late November-early December prior to the next one hitting theaters.

as I’m watching, I’m completely fascinated, despite all the familarity, been here, heard that… but it was like breathing, being able to breathe again quite easily in fact.

phfft… Prince takes my breath away and Robert Downey Jr. puts oxygen back in my lungs… opposites seem inevitable with these men in my mind.

it was a little between being fascinated at seeing all of those scenes shot behind the scenes… like with the camera and crew visible. I wouldn’t mind seeing that movie… what the crew saw while shooting this and every little bit in between.
I don’t believe I was ever this into seeing how movies were made before this guy came into my field of vision.

As Sherlock would say, “most engaging”

and I guess it doesn’t hurt that he’s very suited for Victorian England with those clothes, that long hair and that English accent.
While I don’t believe he is nearly as interesting and amazing as the literary character, I will buy into his interpretation because its just another way of looking at things.

he has said that this experience was similar to doing Chaplin, where the more he researched, the more he was intimidated and couldn’t believe he could pull off as brilliant a performance.
is it mere coincidence that both of these figures required a British accent… and he was lucky enough to get the same vocal coach [Andrew Jack] he had for Chaplin to play Sherlock Holmes.
In fact, I dare say his accent has improved so much that I could almost listen to it all day as much as his own voice. I’m still trying to find one behind-the-scenes featurette, where he discusses his vocal coach and he promptly discusses the English vowels phonetically… lapses so easily into it that I’m not only doing a double-take, but I’m just captured… where I’m pretty much saying “lock me up and throw away the key”

boy that comes off really messed up, all this talk of bondage…

upon seeing the footage, I missed one quote I saw in the book
in response to “how did you know that was there”, he says “because I was looking for it”

for the moment, I’m feeling a little more than okay, so I’m going to take it down to the end here. Stop rambling.
I watched a Q&A last night of Robert and Jon Favreau on “Iron-Man 2″… maybe the third one cuz they were talking about him moving on, bringing in Shane Black and “Cowboys & Aliens” got a plug. Downside was that I couldn’t understand much of what they were saying, but there was one moment where Robert was quoting Sherlock 2 or starting to… that British drawl came in and I’m mentally flipping out…

I’ve got enough to distract me so I’ll see how long this lasts before the depression takes me over again.

perhaps one of the strangest phenomena going on right now is my contemplating violence… two cases in particular.

nobody on “Hell’s Kitchen” ever wanted me to fly to LA just to kick their ass the way Elise has this season… and she’s one of the more local candidates (Pittsburgh is a lot closer than Tenneese, Kentucky and Florida)… keeps running at the mouth, repeating the same ish over and over about Carrie… I’m stunned that neither of them went home last week after they were put up for elimination.
Apparently I’m not the only one fed up with this feud.

And who is she to talk… she’s a line cook… that’s next to nothing compared to the executive/head/sous chefs that are competing… she even gave lip to Andy, the red kitchen’s sous chef, really get on her badside…
I might not remember much of my karate, but I’d love a chance to… like I said, complimenting violence

the second case was yesterday watching the film where I wanted nothing more than to break Blue’s nose with the palm of my hand… just itching to get a shot at him

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