Harsh realities vs. outrageously ridiculous fantasies

This isn’t entirely unfamiliar territory for me… wanting to spend more time in the fantasy instead of really living…

I think if you were to give the scenario of my back surgery to any psychoanalytic type, they’d say that my dreaming and need to write about a relationship or friendship with someone who… quite obviously… doesn’t exist is some sort of coping mechanism.
I mean, it’s my first major surgery… only major surgery in life, so of course the traumatic could lead to such a coping mechanism.

I didn’t realize until it was too late (for one friendship at least) that once I was back to school and stuff, recovered and everything, I had to return to reality.
I don’t believe I ever completely did and I’d escape from it in my writing.

The only time I really lived in reality was during our family vacations, when I was in college studying and working those two jobs

Watching the X-Factor tonight, I was really enjoying myself because 9 times out of 10… or maybe… how many did they do… maybe 12-14 acts… out of that many, I recognized all of the songs except for maybe 2… which is pretty impressive.
I feel like I’m definitely in my comfort zone when I’m well aware of the music.
I’m also well aware that lately my folks have been aware that I have been grooving to music whenever I hear it. I was doing it at tavern trivia yesterday and one of our team members was wondering if I was wearing earbuds (which I was not, lol… they were playing this song from the 70’s that was brought up a couple times in “Invincible”… another good groove was “Urgent” from Foreigner)
I got to thinking that I ought to listen to them as well as Richard Marx again… those albums had some old soul type of stuff on ’em… i.e. not really poppy pop music

a couple of performances had me thinking about other songs. Stacy sang “Purple Rain”… which had me needing to cue up my video of the Brit Awards performance (that specific performance of that track was on my mind)… I have to ask Simon how many strings he pulled so they could use that song on the show, my god…
the only other cover I heard of the song was, I think Aretha Franklin at the Prince BET awards tribute… and Stacy made the song still worth listening to even without Prince’s guitar

the beginning or the musical undertones of one song had me thinking about a Nelly Furtado song (which had me playing a bunch of tracks from her “Loose” album… great stuff on there)
the opening of “I can’t get no satisfication” had me thinking about Gaga’s title track for her “The Fame” album

and so on…
makes me really wish I was the performing type because I really do feel a connection to music sometimes. Lately its kinda been where I have to hear it or groove to it in order to feel alive… it’s like a different kind of oxygen
ain’t nothing wrong with groovin’ to music and singin’ as a hobby 😎

a little bit of a newsflash:
I finished the last book of the Harry Potter series today… I’m gonna do an entry going through the entire series, but I need to at least calculate how many days it took me to read each book (wow, it’s almost midnight already?)

Sorceror’s stone: 5 days
Chamber of secrets: 7 days
Prisoner of Azkaban: 8 days
Goblet of Fire: 13 days
Order of the Phoenix: 11 days
The Half-Blood Prince: 11 days
The Deathly Hallows: 10 days

I guess I averaged about a book a week until they suddenly got as long as 700 pages… the Order of the Phoenix is the longest book, and I thought I was taking my time with the Half-Blood Prince… strange… anyways, more on that later… it’s been a blast 😎

a few different subjects have come to mind and I hope I’ll be able to cover all of them within the hour…

first things first… I guess 😕 I could have seen it online, but what would the fun in that be? I love being surprised. Hollywood Dailies on Reelz was going to show the first “Avengers” trailer… which I would have missed cuz we had to leave for trivia around 5:30… they usually repeat the same show the next day around noon… between the application, going to Wal-mart, I consider myself lucky I was able to see it in its entirity. No surprise, it was the very last thing they did on the show

hahaha… my god, it looks fantastic… HE looks fantasic… a few really good Tony Stark quotes examplifying his… qualities, I guess is a good general term… he has 3-4 quotes I remember
Captain America (played by Chris Evans, but I swear I will learn his alter ego’s name in time) asked Tony what he had left after the suit was stripped away… “genius, billionaire playboy, philanthropist”
Thor laughs at that remark

guess that means he was building bricks for baby hospitals by this time (lmao… a little something he said to the reporter “Ms. Brown” at the beginning of the first Iron-Man film)

he said “I don’t play well with others”
something about “avenging” the nation… we will avenge them, sure as hell will avenge them, something like that

so cute…
and at the very end, he was talking to Mark Ruffalo (aka: Bruce Banner aka: The Incredible Hulk) and said he’s a huge fan of his, how he grows into this big green monster when he gets angry (cue transformation scene)… he replies “thanks” rather sarcastically

seeing all of those stars in one place… amazing, so can’t wait. and of course, Sherlock 2 is only a couple more months away… wow

they also did a little special edition of their show “Naked Trailers” where celebrities picked their favorite movies and they showed some older trailers
Kristen Bell- Ace Ventura: Pet Detective
Matthew McConaughey (lol… as he was saying his name, he said “Matthew… McConaughey“… as if more emphasis on his last name the way I have been lately) liked “Raising Arizona”
Justin Long liked “Back to the Future”
Kellan Lutz (aka: Emmett Cullen) liked “Fight Club” (dude, I totally gotta see that)
Evan Rachel Wood (who supposedly is a huge Charlie Chaplin fan according to the narrator of the show) liked “Edward Scissorhands”

ah… great Halloween/Johnny Depp movie… but damn that Danny Elfman score, just hearing one hint of it is making me wanna cry

I believe last year I saw the movie and 9 times out of 10 when I see it, I am a wreck by the very end… I just can’t help myself (great, I’m starting now… control yourself)… I find it so sad that he has to go back to the mansion and his lover (also his g/f in real life, Winona Ryder) says that he died in order to protect… I guess it was the fact she was the old woman narrating and said she couldn’t go back there cuz she wanted him to remember her as she was. to top it all off, she said that since the day she met him, it had always snowed (in surburbia where it hadn’t snowed before he came)
and its noted that to this day, he looks the same and is still very much alive

…ah… now I’m starting up…
and right afterwards, “Sweeny Todd” was on another channel and had just started… how I love that movie… ugh… next time we go to Target or wherever, I’m nabbing myself a copy. It’s about time I did… I mean, I own the bloody soundtrack, wanted it this version specificially and had to go through the relatively painless “gift exchange” process… I really hate it when I ask for something for Christmas and its not the version I wanted… something about that just puts off my whole vibe the entire day…

even worse, I have only listened to it twice since I got it… all that trouble (not really, FYE had a copy of the version I wanted) and I never listened… nevermind, it’s October, I’ll find time to listen to it. That’s a promise

which brought up quite the interesting scenario earlier.
I guess it might have had something to do with this dilemma, but my mom was under the impression that I developed a thing for Johnny Depp… much like I had for everything else I’m really crazy about… Pokémon, Dream Street, JMac, Haley Joel Osment (thanks to Kingdom Hearts, lol), and most recently, of course, Robert Downey Jr. (tee-hee)

It’s hard to really explain, but I really didn’t go through my usual bit of craziness with Johnny Depp that I did with everyone else… sure, he’s cute, he’s very talented, he has a great singing voice and so on… but I never thought of him as anything beyond a brilliant actor
so much that I wanted to see as much of his work as I could get my paws on

but I never fell head over heels. I never really fantasized about him, had any real desire to meet him (though given the opportunity, I wouldn’t mind a chance to spend time with this insanely talented Gemini) and I hadn’t really gone beyond the actual acting…
I sure as hell didn’t go on… whatever it was with Robert, that full disclosure thing where I pretty much ruined a lot of illusion, developed so much of a taste for the actual man that most of his characters seemed like medicore human beings by comparsion. In the way that I didn’t care to spend 2 hours with them in their movies.
I guess cuz only a handful… a few small handful of his characters have sex appeal

so my mom pretty much gave me what she thought was a really crucial dilemma… if I had a choice to be in a room with one over the over, who would it be?

just for the sake of completeness, I guess… I’m gonna check out Johnny’s Imdb profile to see how many of his movies I’d seen
geesh… he’s been nominated for three Oscars and hasn’t won yet either? WTF, Academy?!
seriously, they gotta recognize the real talent in Hollywood, all those really versatile actors that can play all kinds of roles… you know, the ones really good at playing weirdoes and not just the psycho-killer kind
whoa… he’s got a LOT of movies in production…

I finally got to see Richard Roeper’s fall movie preview yesterday… most of the movies are already out in theaters… the very last one looked AMAZING… its this fantasy 3D flick called “Hugo” and Jude Law looks like he has a small role in it (ah, I love Jude Law he needs to be in more movies I’d actually be interested in seeing)…
Johnny Depp is going to be in it too, but it might be another small role cuz he wasn’t mentioned during the trailer

“Nightmare on Elm Street” kinda counts… although I only saw it once and didn’t really have time to really notice him in it… too much creepiness going on
“Platoon” another small role… didn’t remember him either, lol… I was too numb after Willem DeFoe got killed that I didn’t really care to look
Edward Scissorhands was the first time I saw him, but I didn’t really recognize the name until the “Pirates” movies… that was when I started playing attention, lol… love him as Captain Jack Sparrow
“Sleepy Hollow”… finally saw a year ago… had wanted to see it cuz he was in it

Robert said he liked him in “Blow”… sighted it as the only other movie (other than “Charlie Bartlett”) where you are rooting for the drug dealer… although maybe it was because Johnny’s “great hair” in that movie (his words, not mine, I doubt I’ll ever see this movie… any drug-related movie after “Less than Zero” might be asking too much of this girl)

I still haven’t seen “Chocolat” which I wanted to see because of him… and Prince’s “Mr. Goodnight” is yet another reason… shoot, I gotta get a list together of movie I gotta see and move on those

all four Pirates movies…
Finding Neverland (great movie!)
The Corpse Bride
Charlie & the Chocolate Factory (he was… strange… in that one… I prefer Gene Wilder’s Willy Wonka by miles and miles, lol… he’s the Willy Wonka I grew up with, why not)
Sweeny Todd, I mentioned
Alice in Wonderland (I saw that last year specifically cuz he was in it, lol… not sure if I’d want to see it more than 2-3 more times, though)
and of course, Rango, the most recent… had to see that one… but I figured it had to be a good movie cuz he was involved… it wasn’t quite what I expected, I’ll say that

so the grand total is…. 14… saw part of Public Enemies cuz… another Johnny Depp movie, but I was bored to tears so I only stuck around for the first 10 minutes

meanwhile with Robert, I have seen… (counting… dammit, I should know this off the top of my head… I believe I’m close to 20…)
28?! no way… I guess I’m including movies that feature him too… Weird Science features him as does that one scene in Lucky You…
supposedly up to pre-production of Iron-Man 3… I guess he and Shane Black are slaving over the hot script as we speak or rather as I type

I guess I wouldn’t mind seeing more of Johnny Depp’s movies to get a bigger scope for his acting capabilities…
yet I can’t seem to bring myself to watch too many movies with Jude Law or Leonardo DiCaprio… both really cute guys, but they just don’t do the type of movie I get excited to see…
Jude is in a lot of really poorly reviewed movies or just some strange ones (“Closer” was definitely strange… I stuck with him until he slapped his g/f… one little act of domestic violence finally turned me off from his character… at the very end of the movie…)…

Leo does a lot of period films, epic-type pieces… the kinds of movies I have trouble sitting through because there isn’t much comedy or enough entertainment value to keep me… well, entertained.
I’ve seen him in Titanic… he dies so I refuse to see it ever again
saw The Aviator, he’s good in that, but that’s a little too periodic… that’s the type of movie that Chaplin oughta fall in with… the Oscar-type movie/period movie, you can only see once in a lifetime…
saw parts of Gangs of New York… fell asleep halfway through, it’s a long-ass movie, over 2 hours…
until Inception came along (and thank god for that), “Catch me if you can” was the only movie I liked him in that I’d consider seeing more than once… :shrug: but there wasn’t enough for me to stay interested, I guess cuz he was portraying an actual person who was a notorious criminial in his day

what stretches I’d go to for my favorite actors, some and not others…
yeah, I know…

I got kinda lucky with Haley Joel Osment where he was in movies (oh shoot, I just remembered that Jude Law had a small role in “A.I.” which I had seen twice… so I gotta see it a third time… its been quite a few years) I got into a bit…
The country bears and a couple Disney sequels were no trouble at all.
Secondhand Lions was really good, though his southern accent kinda distracted me from what I was listening for (Sora’s voice)
The Sixth Sense, I saw a 2nd time just to see him (and of course so I could really nail down how the ending computed, I swore I saw him interacting with his wife or Cole’s mom at some point in the movie)…
and I’d been kinda “hunting down” that independant film “Home of the Giants” just to see him… was a decent movie, but wasn’t excellent…

fewer movies to choose from too…

anyways, long story short… Johnny Depp & Robert Downey Jr. (c’mon, put them in a movie together!! lmao, I’m just gonna keep on doing that until a director/casting agent finally gets the hint) are two very talented actors with a wide range of abilities… but the way I feel about each of them is completely different

I’d had about a week to cool off. That “Avengers” trailer was the first bit of… whatever… I’d had since I believe last Friday or Saturday…
I know for a fact that I had gone to hell & back when it came to Robert… and I probably will continue to do so with fewer ventures in “hell”

Johnny Depp… my god, he’s talented… lights up the screen… the unfortunate thing is that most of his movies are more “friendly” in the eyes of wider audiences… they’re more mainstream, therefore get more coverage, more popular and whatnot

Robert made his career as an independant actor and only recently with his franchises (Iron-Man, Sherlock & whatnot) has he managed to solidify a place in Hollywood… kinda makes him the underdog of the two

but yeah… there’s more sex appeal when it comes to him and… wow… what else can I say really that I haven’t already

moving on…

yeah, there’s fantasies and there’s blatant unrealities
I can get pretty out there when it comes to some of my blog entries, but after rereading my own material, I have reason to believe that most of the crazyness I used to have has long gone

first just gotta say that Taylor Swift looked amazing on Regis & Kelly this morning… she does kinda have an old-fashioned way about her.
I would definitely agree that she’s a role model for a lot of people, me including… supposedly her fans are calling themselves “Swiftys” now… maybe I oughta add that under my belt along with Little Monster, Veteran JMac Fan and Prince devotee

I’m quite surprised I didn’t dream about it last night… between reading my fanfiction and whatnot…
I might have mentioned that on the Pokémon 2000 movie there was a special feature that was part of the reason I wanted to get the DVD set (that and the fact I wanted this specific movie on DVD so I could watch it whenever… only watched it once so far, lol)… people on the soundtrack performing live. It was pretty cool that the girl behind one song was picked in a contest and she was only 12… very talented, although I don’t know if she went on to do anything after she recorded that one song

strange, I noticed that I still have my copy of Dream Street Live on top of my small TV in my bedroom… and I’m not really planning to see it again in this span of time

I think I had meant to listen to The Biggest Fan today but didn’t have the time… and tonight, won’t have the energy between this entry and the 2006 Brits performance

I watched them perform “They don’t understand”…
first it took me close to a minute to get myself under control, I guess I’m still waiting for that other shoe to drop…
then when… omg… just had to say how ridiculously young they all looked… they were so tiny they were barely recognizable

well 😕 Chris was somewhat, although… he actually looked like among the youngest… oh wait… duh, he’s the youngest of the guys born in ’85… of course
firstly, I was a bit disappointed that it was a shortened version so not everyone got to sing… or rather… everyone but Matt got a chance to sing…

Jesse & Matt share vocals on the 2nd verse, Greg gets the 3rd verse and Jesse gets some backing vocals in the end… Chris & Frankie share the first verse…
but they sounded just like they did on the record, which made me feel kinda bad… I always did prefer the record to how they sounded after their voices changed (damn puberty, lol)… in all honesty, after all that, when they’re singing the songs, it sounds beyond cheesy sometimes coming from those voices

Dream Street has a lot of cheese in their lyrics, most of them really don’t mean anything concrete or at least doesn’t try to go too outside the box to really explain emotions

I think when I heard “It happens everytime” the first time in ages last Saturday… I was ready to crack up at the first line “you are the one & only and I’m the lost and lonely”…
that’s so cliché! at least that’s what I was saying to myself… but maybe I had written it in one of my works recently… or perhaps it was cuz I read that in my fanfictions, I don’t know!

Feel the Rain has a lot of concrete lyrics that say what they mean… I could list dozens of reasons why I’m still kinda crazy about that song (oh great, they dont understand is my head)

then Jesse came up to sing his piece to take the song to the end and I was literally trying to stifle the fangirl screams… he couldn’t have been any older than… let’s see… 2000… 13 at the time, same age as me… those adorable bangs, that lively blonde hair (which I believe was greased back a little too much for my liking on the “Live” DVD… I never could figure out the location of it, but I figured it was a small venue cuz the stage was microscopic… definitely not “The Garden” as Gaga called it)
he was so cute and his voice was just like the record, amazing…

yeah, I’m really amazed that I didn’t dream about any of them last night.
and I used to dream about them all the time… I had at least 70+ dreams about all of them, but 40+ of those were about Jesse or he was the primary focus… Chris was my favorite but even then, he was among the guys I dreamt about the fewest times…
I guess its destiny or at least hints at it (this was before Jesse even had a solo career)

I had finished my first fanfic and found myself a little disappointed…
there was a lot I wrote in there that I didn’t remember… plus I remembered specificially events that were occurring at the time that I wrote about… nowhere to be seen…

I had cut out A LOT of the first draft to make it a little tamer…
not only had I written close to 120 chapters for this (a lot of them were short, by the way), wow… I think I had the sequence of events running from January 24th to New Year’s eve of 2002

I believe towards the end of that period, I was writing Jamie’s story that spans for 4 years simultaneously with it… and some Pokémon fanfiction

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