4 hours writing DVD commentary [“Twilight”]

One thing I noticed as soon as I started watching the movie last night… I went into somewhat of a panic… I was afraid that I wasn’t going to be able to do anything… that I’d have to take off the DVD commentary correctly running (a three-way between director Catherine Hardwicke and stars of the film, Rob Pattinson and Kristen Stewart) or just plain have to write another night.

There is a slight chance that I will rewatch the movie without the commentary to make more notes… I know most of the script by heart, but not nearly as well as I do “Purple Rain” where I know it backwards and forwards… or “The Breakfast Club” which is 2nd in that capacity

but in the end… I DID manage to write my own commentary for the movie… it runs 10 pages, I started at 11:35 and ended nearly 4 hours later to the minute…

I am quite surprised that I am not in a worse off state right now… because Carlisle was going to be on Regis & Kelly the next morning (Peter Facinelli… and for that matter, I realized right away that I really didn’t want to see too many scenes of the movie, don’t want too much to be given away… I want to be pleasantly surprised all of the movies have been very pleasant surprises… Eclipse especially because it was so much more interesting and exciting than reading the book… which notoriously takes me a month to read… I think my fastest time several months back was, I dunno… 1 week, 2 weeks at most… I am just so close to the original book that I feel the need for an overall, revamp, etc, etc.

so let’s see… I could only get about 6 hours of sleep, not even… and luckily, I was awake so I could turn off my alarm… kept me waiting until 9:47… the things I do for these actors… and actually, Peter gives off the impression of being… I guess that’s me putting him on a pedestal… I spent part of the night with the guy, so of course, I was used to the familiarity. Except for his natural dark locks, he looks just like he does as a vampire 😎

 

just before I launch into my commentary, which I’m sure I’m going to copy/paste and then, while I’m reading through it, I’ll add more notes in this blog…

what was yesterday… my sister’s now 22… my favorite age that I’d ever gone through and here’s hoping she has as good as time in it as I did (25 has been very strange to me and so far it’s been kinda depressing, kinda “what’s the meaning in my life” thing’s been going on)

we went to the mall, for maybe the first time since March… no kidding… it looked so different in there. Like there was more room in the hallways, different shops… FYE was one thing that never changes… although I thought the music was louder than I remembered… it was clouding my judgement at first, leaving me unable to shop.
by the by, I finally managed to cash those birthday checks… I figure I’ve got plenty to get me through Christmas shopping next month

I was looking around a few different areas… hoping against hope to see the likes of Chances are, The Singing Detective, Two girls & a guy and Air America in the store… and I would buy them on sight I realized after the fact that I forgot to look for Less than Zero…
and based solely on… whatever I’ll explain later… it’s just as well…

I’d compare it to PTSD… shaken up by the insuination

I saw “Sweeney Todd” for $10 under musicals… where I guess I was looking for The Singing Detective (pretty ridiculous to look there, he only sings a little bit in the end so no way is it a musical)… but then I managed to get back on track… I knew I wanted that.
I looked under Action & Adventure, not sure where to go… then I remembered to look for Lethal Weapon… I’m lucky I found it at all… every other film in the series was there except the original… found it used for a STEAL of $4… I’ll have to watch it within the next couple days to make sure it’s perfectly okay (my track record with FYE’s used merchandise has been flawless to this point)

then I looked under music… I was looking over The Bangles… and decided to come back for it later… had to see if anything else caught my eye. I didn’t get around to looking for Scotty’s album, though I did think about it. I found Christina Perri’s which has “Jar of hearts”…
I turned around to see the end of the aisle…

I had a pure OMG moment when I found the soundtrack for “Suckerpunch”…
the adrenaline rush was amazing… I’d forgotten to look for it completely and now I finally found it… so my running total was:

Sweeney Todd- $10
Lethal Weapon- $4
Suckerpunch soundtrack- $14
The Bangles hits- $8…
so my total was about $38… I gave $40, plus change… that was a real adrenaline rush that followed… I love shopping for these type of things in general… but rarely can I say that I am HAPPY with my purchases… that I spent my money wisely… I thought about all my decisions and… bam, best $40 I spent in a long time with no guilt attached

I listened to “Hazy Shade of Winter” last night just to make sure all was well…. I’d heard of different versions hanging around, that some didn’t sound like what was used in the movie…
but yeah, it does shake me a bit when I listen to it.
my mom likes the word “foreboding” and that kinda sums it up. and maybe even way back when when I was obsessed with the music video, had it on repeat once or twice… I knew it was all for a reason
rehash the way it was used the movie and we’ll be even 😎

we also went out to dinner at a Ruby Tuesday’s type establishment called Garfield’s… it’s a sports bar type of place and we’d only been twice since we moved here… the 2nd was my birthday in 2006, so quite a while ago…
the food was AMAZING… great boneless wings with great crunchyness and sweet BBQ sauce… the burger was really good, the bacon was crispy… and I was a little ambitious, ordering a mudslide which had Stoli vodka, Kalua (spelling?), Bailey’s Irish cream and a few other components… in this huge cocktail glass…
it tasted so good, but I was careful not to overdo it 😉 very careful in fact… I balanced with a glass of water as well… life doesn’t get much better than that…

we’re gonna have company this week… my dad’s coming back from Ohio on Thursday, same day my aunt, the boyfriend are dropping off my grandma for a couple days while they visit one of his girls in New England…
we’ve got a few items for different receipes including black bean soup, which I LOVE to make… and chicken parm which just sounds good, first time we’re all attempting to make our own

that’s exciting in itself

and Dancing with the Stars was really good… JR (aka: Brot Monroe from “AMC”) and his partner Karina got not one but two perfect scores for Waltz and Jive (an instant jive no less… everyone got their music 20 minutes beforehand)… the first perfect scores of the season and at least the Waltz, I believe to be the better dance… was really worth it… it was to Burt Backarack’s classic “what the world needs now is love” 😎
I knew this song initially from its use in Austin Powers… Mike Myers definitely is a Backarack fan

I’ve got about… a while… 40 minutes or so to get some of this entry off the ground… I’m hoping to catch “Coming to America” on HBO… another Eddie Murphy movie I’d been meaning to see… right behind it, of course, is 48 hours… which was like his coming out party, his first starring movie role after he spent time on SNL

a few notes about the commentary… I’d say it might be among the weaker commentaries I’d heard and I’d heard a small amount… Purple Rain half a dozen times, Tropic Thunder twice…. Kiss Kiss Bang Bang once… (there was some goofing off there too)…

they spent more time goofing off here than talking about the movie, why this or that was there… what this wasn’t… there were a couple of nuggets of useful information but very few…
a few things I did get…
Rob Pattinson (I am so biting my tongue to keep from saying Rob Patz cuz that is apparently his new nickname among fans… but I’m thinking it) has a… well… hilarious sense of humor in some parts, I had no idea
Kristen definitely brought her A-game to this and the more I think about it, the more I believe she believed she was giving her best interpretation of the material

I can only wonder now (thanks to “Suckerpunch”) what the movie would have been like if Emily Browning was Bella… being Stephenie’s first choice (that worked out as well as Henry Cavill, who I just found to be her first pick for Edward… aw hell no… nobody but Rob could pull this off )

I’ll say it again; I never interpreted Bella as the “suffer on the inside” angsty type… okay sure, she banished herself to Forks, unhappy with her decision although she stands by making everyone else happy but her (her mom and new husband Phil get more time together with his minor league baseball career… and Charlie, who gets to have her under his room for the first time in YEARS with any sense of permanence)… but other than that, I didn’t see it that way…
I saw her as the shy new girl who was afraid of not fitting, afraid of being seen as a freak because she’s new in a school where everyone’s grown up with everyone else

Kristen occasionally does bring Bella’s wit and sense of humor to the plate, but it’s not very often… certain scenes were darker than they should have been… a couple others, I miss the lightness of it… they captialized on some items, some details that didn’t need to be capitalized. In fact, they reinforce the reasons, in cases, why there are a lot of people who don’t take the franchise seriously

Bella has been labeled by many as a character who is very passive, the dasmel in distress type that give or take a metaphor… couldn’t tie her shoes without Edward around :shrug: dependant is another word… make that overally dependant

she has a couple of occasions where she thinks about other people first… in the movie, that’s kinda cut down to two different areas… she moved back to Forks for the reasons I explained… and when she believes James kidnapped her mom, she strikes off on her own to put the whole thing to an end. The former was handled very well… but for the latter, it was minimalized for time constraints… she finds out what happened and she goes off to face James… those not fans of the series or just unfamiliar have to take time to think about what isn’t entirely explained

I realized later on that I have a couple of things that might be extremely flawed in my version of how I would have liked the film to be written from the book… aside from it being an total ego trip, me believing that I need to do my own version because I didn’t think the original was good enough (I’ve written on Facebook and Tweeted about the guilt I feel on that)…
it might be too dialogue-heavy, too much to keep up with… there are conversations I really liked that I would have liked to be kept intact or in the screenplay…
and… okay, three things…
the flow is going to be off… spending too much time in certain areas where an unfamiliar audience would get bored after the first couple minutes (I’m hoping that my ideas of revisions will make it more comedic that it is… at least cutting out a lot of the drama that the movie drowns in)…

and plain and simple, when I get through with it, I think it’s going to be too long… the movie is about… looking 2 hours and 2 minutes… I think I might end up making it 2 and a half hours, maybe three if I really don’t watch myself

:rolls eyes: It’s not like I’m going to reshoot an entire movie of this, but at the utmost level, I’d like to write a screenplay, script and storyboard, going scene by scene, chapter by chapter… literally taking the book from the pages and giving it more visual implications

one thing I definitely noticed was how much Catherine Hardwicke liked to use shots of scenery for transitions or extending scenes… there is something magical about the way it looks, I’ll give that… but reading the book, Bella kinda paints Forks as an “alien planet” because there is literally green everywhere… with the lighting, the trees look evergreen and I read it as a mossy green instead with light trying to, but can’t filter through the thick rain clouds

I’d really hate to cut out all that beautiful scenery, but that’s the not the direction I want to take with it… scenes like where the lullaby is playing, Edward and Bella are hanging out in a tree with a spectacular view… that I didn’t really see the point of… there should be a really nice scene like they had with Edward playing piano, which could run for… I dunno… about a minute… things like that

there was a very small scene with the meadow that was all instrumental… no dialogue… and there was all kinds of conversation there… as glad as I am that its in the movie, I was disappointed that it wasn’t used to to its full potential
there are quite a few scenes that I definitely want to cut and I found myself in the case of the last half hour… from the baseball game to the end… I liked a lot of how it was handled that I really don’t want to change anything.
what can I say, the baseball game lived up to my expectations so much that I can overlook the teams being different here than they are in the book :shrug:

I guess a big thing as to what I’d like to keep and what I wish could be redone…
it’s about “less is more” and “need to have more”…

there was plenty of Alice and Carlisle… not enough Esme. Emmett, I’d have to liked to get a bit more screentime… Jasper, I’d like one or two more good lines of dialogue from him, stuff I miss from the book…
and not because I don’t like her too much… I’d come around when it comes to Rosalie… but she only had a couple of lines in the book. Why does she get more in the movie? Her disdain for Bella is pretty clear (“less is more”) and I feel like she was given more to do, things that Esme did in the book (in the commentary, they made specific note in the garage that Esme [rather one of the Cullens] is not in this scene…) she had a bigger role in the book

some could say that too much character development for too many characters gets confusing… but then again, they could have easily not bothered with the nomads, introducing people at the diner… small roles, yes, but for any amount of screen time they get, I’d like to transfer to the rest of the Cullens

I am kinda aware that, yeah… the book is from Bella’s POV… so she wouldn’t see anything about the nomads until the baseball game… it works really well for Eclipse because a) anything to make the movie more interesting than the book, I’m all for and b) scenes in it were written into the novella “The short second life of Bree Tanner”

there is a very brief mention of the nomads from Carlisle to Edward when he brings Bella home to meet his family… but other than that, they aren’t mentioned or seen until chapter 20 something… quite aways into the book.
sure, for a movie, it makes more sense to build up tension, foreshadowing and all that… but I’m so sold on the way the book brought it to the forefront… like all of a sudden, gears shift and it becomes a matter of life & death, the fact Bella is running with vampires

I guess I will have to wait, after all… until later to go through my commentary… but there is no way I’ll be staying up super late like last night. There are few occasions as it is where I stay up that late for anything

 

I’ve noticed a couple of pitfalls just waiting to ensnare and hold me for all eternity.

I know the book really well… though not quite cover to cover
I know the movie well… my likes and dislikes

roughly for each time I had read the book, I’d seen the movie… with the exception of when it came out in theaters or on DVD, or whatever… usually whenever I read the book, I feel like watching the movie directly if not a couple days after the fact

it’s natural for the two entities to wrap up into one.
therein lies the crux of all this

as any reader does with any book, we have our own interpretation of the material. We see ourselves in the narrator if it’s a character in the book… they’re our eyes and ears into their world so of course we feel a connection to them

I hate sounding like I know better… or that I wish I could just scrub the film and put together my own spin on the book. It’s not that I’m ungrateful for the book being made into a movie.
Plain and simple, in a lot of cases, I say “that’s just not the way I would have done it”

there are two sides to this, though… like a knife teetering on the edge and too much one way will make the whole idea collapse

I guess I’m borrowing this logic from someone else… if I get too control-freakish about this… leading myself under the impression that I’m running the show (Robert has said something to this effect a couple of times… if he doesn’t put himself under the impression, he can function with a lot more balance, with a clearer head… if he thinks his word is law, then he gets complacent, especially about things he ought to have more humility about)

and of course the other one is where I’m…
I saw myself doing this and caught myself doing this later on in the show… came to the realization that I’m using the movie as a crutch… I’ll say I want to keep this or that just as it is… it becomes a very muddled revision of the film, just muddled with several of my haphazard ideas as to how it SHOULD be

another thing I’m getting to thinking is that I ought to get all of this done or at least go as far as I can, lose interest and move on to something else… because I can’t revise my own work while reading this. The next thing I know, Jonas will borrow several of Edward’s mannerisms and… I’d hate to infuriate any Team Edward fangirls by making my character eerily similiar sounding to Edward

to my own confidence, I know that they’re two completely different people… and it goes past the simple fact that Edward is a vampire and Jonas is a reincarnated angel that stood for good and defeated the epitome of evil

the only similarities I see are the fact they’re mysterious, little is known about them… and to a degree, their speech patterns are similiar. Polite and proper, precise language and all that

Edward is like his family… they choose to keep to their own company because they come from a different walk of life. The only way he is different from them, aside from the fact he’s the only mind reader, he hasn’t found his other half yet

Jonas really has nobody… aside from one friend he had several years before for one school year, he’s always been alone. He isn’t related to the man who raised him and while their relationship is good, it’s isn’t great either. He finds little in common with him and although I might have to look back into it (whether or not it works)… feels somewhat of a resentment when Peter puts on the impression that there is a similarity there, trying to make himself relatable to him… his only companions aren’t human. Thanks to his special gift (shoot… I forgot to mention the mind-reading similarity… which is all coincidence… it goes with the psychic abilities… in essence, though, Jonas’s telepathy is a combination of Edward and Aro’s abilities… touch is required and the only things/thoughts he can intercept are the ones being… well, thought of, at present… Aro needs touch and can see every thought a person has had)… anyway, because of that gift, Jonas has a very close bond with his animal companions… and yes, maybe part of it is the fact that they served him in a previous life

It might be nothing, but I can’t help but be paranoid sometimes that my character won’t be taken seriously because he seems similiar enough to a pop culture phenomenon that has as many lovers as haters.

I can say that certain things in the movie I want to keep… and that does apply in some cases.
I think what I’m gonna end up doing is watching the 7-part “the making of” documentary and crawl into bed for the night… I’m fading fast here and I’ll copy & paste the rough cut of my commentary

but in the end, I don’t want to piggyback on several ideas from the movie and add my own elaborations… the majority of it has to be my ideas, my interpretation (word of the day, apparently, lol), it has to feel like it came out of my head… if I mix things up, I’m going to feel self-conscious about it to the point where it just gets to be too much… I might abandon the idea completely and just say how much I wish I hadn’t even tried.

I’d like to get something out of this, for sure. Then maybe I can stop cringing over bits and bits of the movie that didn’t quite work for me.
what I WILL do, though… is that I will read this through… highlight the items that I want to make note of for better or worse… highlight them in my own going document, of course 😎 more on all this as it develops… and yes, all of the comments below date back to last night.

Twilight

 

My own DVD commentary

 

Start time: 11:35pm

 

 

  • Omg, I just wanted to say this is going to be really hard to put together today. It’s been a while since I’ve seen this, so of course, I’m totally getting into it. Plus, I decided to put on the DVD commentary to see if anyone gives any reason for certain things being out of place or whatever else

 

  • A couple scenes to comment on; replace the deer sequence with shadows of a scene featuring James… Bella’s voice over will be directly from the Preface of the book.

 

  • Maybe keep the initial narration as well, but maybe add a few more details… the song in the beginning is really good, love it

 

  • The conversation in the car should be more relevant to what’s going on in the book. Maybe something about the truck… but at the same time, I kinda like the interaction between Bella and Jacob the first time too… it’s so hard to pick things I really don’t want to keep in there

 

  • As it goes in the book, Bella meets Eric first but under different pretenses entirely: He offers to escort her to class. She comes with him to the lunch table where he introduces a bunch of people she can’t seem to remember… maybe because she’s got her eyes on the Cullen table??

 

    • the banter about the school paper is good, but I’d already kinda steamrolled the idea of Eric wanting to use her for the feature… seems a little ridiculous, even in a small town for it to be about a new student

 

  • I realize the “dramatic entrance” is for movie purposes, to make it more exciting… but it just seems a little too cliché… plus Rob Pattinson just looks too ghostly in that shot, too unnatural, even for a vampire

 

  • The nonverbal language between the vampire couples is really good, so I do kinda like their grand entrance… just not Edward’s, just doesn’t quite fit right, like he’s totally god-like or whatever

 

  • This scene’s a little too short, maybe for consistency… but the way I read it was that Bella isn’t turning her head to look at him, they’re at one corner of the cafeteria and she sees them looking straight ahead… will definitely have to hammer this scene out a bit

 

  • Biology with Professor Banner (lol): WTF with the fan blowing, that’s just ridiculous… could use the wind wafting in when Bella comes into the office at the end of day, but not like this, that’s a little too much

 

  • This scene is very nonverbal… mostly the way Edward looks at Bella… his acting is perfect, but maybe more clenching of the fists (close-up)… then when he walks out of the room, I don’t think her expression is quite right… confused is more suited for this point and maybe when she goes into the office, she could be more upset… maybe after the office, slamming the door of her truck and driving away with angry tears in her eyes… just after the confused shot, Mike can make his entrance and they can talk

 

  • She’s cooking steak & potatoes here instead of the diner… this is to introduce a Quileute that gets killed by James’s coven later on… nothing more… but there was a deleted scene here when Bella asks Charlie about the Cullens and he says people like to gossip about them, but they’re a nice family

 

  • have Bella read the erratic emails from her mom, she reads them aloud until finally she breaks down and calls her (it’s interesting how Renee does email, but in the movie, they have this running joke that she repels technology until finally she’s texting in the hospital scene at the end)… where maybe she gets the hint that Bella’s annoyed/upset about something, that conversation might be good to keep in

 

  • montage follows: I’d prefer to keep any mention of the nomads until after the baseball scene… I just thought it was selling out to the movie industry to bring background that wasn’t covered in the book… I like the way it jostles things up later on, really bringing a crux into the plot… strange, I usually think that foreshadowing is a good idea, here I don’t agree with using it… during the montage, maybe have a few scenes, a little less on the anticipation of him being there even when he’s not (the biology scene was pushing it)

 

  • would have LOVED if they kept it snowing here like in the book, WTF… have this scene start with her looking outside, scowling at the snow on the ground… maybe being nervous driving the truck over… then realizing when she gets there that Charlie had put chains on her tires

 

  • Bella sees Edward again at lunch FIRST… it just seems very random that he’s back in biology when she clearly had lunch beforehand… before all this, have the entire day be faced on everyone talking about the show, Mike doing snowball fights… the Cullens looking like models from a magazine, shaking the snow out of their hair

 

  • Edward’s first line of conversation after introducing himself is “too bad about the snow, huh?” for the most part, the conversation here is good… make the comment about his hand being cold when trying to grab the microscope… Bella gives her life’s story about her mom remarrying and she wanted to live with her dad to give her mom and Phil space so they can be together… lots of good dialogue

 

  • It seems very abrupt for the “almost accident” to occur this day… just after Edward returns and they reconnect in biology… this is supposed to be the next day when it goes down… this scene is WAY too short for dramatic effect and everything… I like the conversation between Edward and Bella here… he tries to ascertain that he was right next to her and she keeps asking him how he got over to her so fast… he slips away easily enough

 

  • At the hospital, Charlie doesn’t show up until later on… the nurse is looking after Bella, she’s talking to Tyler, he’s asking how she is, keeps saying he’ll pay her back… then Edward comes in and says he’s come to spring here: ala Carlisle

 

  • Bella should get the pretense that Carlisle is in on “the phenomenon”… but then again, the fact Charlie steals the scene is classic, love him here, being the cop that he is

 

  • In the book, the discussion in the hospital between Edward and Bella goes on for a few lines longer… in the commentary, they point out that here he openly admits that he did what he did after she called him out on it by saying “no one’s going to believe you”

 

  • The next chapter is all about damage control, keeping her mouth shut about what really happened between her and Edward… nobody knows he was there anyways… Eric and Mike ask her to the dance… then Edward blocks Bella in to give Tyler a chance… she’s furious at him of course, but he seems to be toying with her at this point

 

  • Of course… the whole fact “Blood type” is edited out completely and replaced with a field trip… I’m still very sore about that. That’s one of my favorite chapters… kinda reveals a bit more about Edward, I figured that would be a good detail along with the speed and strength and beauty… all we get here is that Mike asked Jessica out to prom (she calls Bella later and tells her about that) and Alice talks to Bella here, which doesn’t happen for several chapters… maybe, let’s see… ½ an hour in, we are 8 chapters into the book

 

  • The scene between Bella and Charlie also seems pretty random… he says her mom called again and something about Phil having a good influence on her

 

  • The next chapter is “theories”… Bella asks Edward to go with them to La Push beach and turns her down… I definitely like the shot here with the apple because it’s from the book cover and everything. Plus the disappointment on Mike’s face is really good… but he should be the one talking about the beach trip and the fact its going to be really nice that day… Edward makes the request for Bella not to fall into the ocean because he’ll be away in the mountains

 

  • I expected the weather to be a lot nicer than it was… like sunny and stuff… I think we’re in February/March in the book at this point… having two different groups, hiking vs. non-hiking groups… Bella comes back and the Quileute kids come to hang out… then she sees Jacob the first time and decides to get him alone to get information out of him after “The Cullens don’t come here” line (Quil and Embry are with Jacob here and Embry says the line that Sam says in the book)

 

  • Okay… why the hell didn’t Jacob just say werewolves and vampires here… all to make room for the dramatic reveal later on, which really should have been a teaser trailer, something to promote the movie but wasn’t actually IN the movie… I feel it has no purpose other than selling out to Hollywood

 

    • He goes into more detail about the fact the Cullens don’t hunt people… the line is good when he says “maybe they moved back”

 

  • In the next scene, Bella shuts herself in her room… drowning herself out in Linkin Park… really dramatic expressions on her face… doesn’t make for great film making, not very interesting… maybe a few quick flashes of her shutting her eyes, gritting her teeth… then her head hits the pillow really hard and she has the nightmare where the wolf lunges towards Edward and she cries out of fear for him
  • In the movie, the next scene officially introduces the nomads Victoria, Laurent and James as they kill the man from the tribe (I don’t feel up to keeping their footage in, like I said)
  • Don’t remember how she gets the idea for Port Angeles here… she decides to go with her girlfriends because of the bookstore obviously… she wants to read the book to see if there’s any truth to what Jacob said… she decides against getting the book, getting lost on the way back… decides it doesn’t matter what he is
  • It is true in the book as well that the Cullens don’t show up Monday or Tuesday because it was sunny outside… the way Jessica explains it is good
  • I guess taking the date between Mike and Jessica out of the movie is good for pacing issues… but because Edward is nowhere to be found, she decides to go to Port Angeles with Jessica and Angela to get her mind off things… plus to check out the bookstore or just look for bookstores in general (she says there isn’t a good local library in the book)
  • The dressing room scene is good, especially with the guys in the shot (the ones we end up seeing later)… but in addition to that, they go shoe shopping during which Bella asks Angela about the Cullens (huh… I said I liked Jessica’s explanation, but I also liked the conversation here… decisions)
  • They decide to keep shopping while Bella decides to check out the bookstore
  • The “herding” scene could be extended a little bit to bring forth tension…
  • Then when the groups come together, it just makes Bella look too vulnerable. At least in the book, she holds up her purse either to use as a weapon or to throw away from her to throw them off
  • Omg, I just love how good he looks in this scene, I hate to comment too harshly…. I wish it were longer, actually… [the commentary is hilarious… here she’s telling him to slow down and Rob keeps saying “I’m going 2 miles an hour, I can’t go any slower”]… he pulls over at some point, trying to breathe… tells her to prattle on about something nonsensical to distract him… I guess that means there should be more talk or screen time featuring Tyler because that’s one of the things she discusses… might have to murder him so he could feel less guilty about the “almost accident”
  • Jessica and Angela are perfect here in this scene… maybe make a comment about Edward wanting to stay with Bella so he’d be less tempted to go after her “friends”
    • Omg, the entire commentary, they’re talking about licorice a million times (in a lot of scenes) and how Kristen doesn’t eat anything… a few cucumber slices in the entire movie and she makes the comment after he says it “yeah, I should eat something”
  • Bella makes facial expressions about the waitress, but they never bring up the fact she was CLEARLY flirting with Edward
  • They get very hypothetical with the mindreading in the book… him coming out and saying it, I guess kinda works too
  • Not sure what happens when he’s driving her home… he gives her his jacket to keep her warm… they cut away to the police station to bring in the side-plot about the nomads :groan: …but it just seems really random, the only thing that they come away with is how cold Edward’s skin is (which is mentioned several chapters earlier)
  • On the way home, I believe its when she comes out and says she thinks she knows what he is… and says it doesn’t matter… something he stammers over many times, he can’t get his head around it
  • Obviously, the next 10 minutes after Edward and Bella (well, Bella has dinner)… I want really nothing to do with, I don’t agree with the direction taken in any of it… really don’t… its just too abrupt a climax
    • She googles the phrase “cold one” and finds all of this vampire material… the only shot I REALLY like, that maybe I might keep in the scene with the blasting/blaring headphones… or after… when she’s on the bed and he’s putting her neck
  • This was meant to be a weekend of another dance… Edward asks Bella to spend it with him… and he instructs her how to get to the place he wants to show her (in their conversation at/after dinner, he dispels the myth of burning in the sun, says he’ll show her one time… but also tells her that she won’t want to see him hunt, which is what he was doing during the sunny day… over dinner, he says she hasn’t asked him about his diet (“aren’t you concerned about my diet” I think is the line)
    • I’m not sure if all of this is going to be enough… the commentary is cutting over most of the dialogue. Although I thought I did, I do not know the movie forwards and backwards like I do “Purple Rain” which made it so much easier to do commentary for
  • I do like his expression when he reveals himself… makes him look very god-like (I imagined getting to the meadow by this point… a circular plain of grass full of wildflowers, enclosed by trees on every side)… then he gets a little overdramatic in the movie, for dramatic effect again :roll eyes: and it’s a little off putting that Bella seems so okay with all of it (“I can’t care” despite the fact she looks freaked out a bit)
  • Edward has so many good lines here… I feel so bad that most of them got taken out of context here compared to what’s in the book… the only part I really don’t like aside from Bella saying “I’m here, I trust you” (that’s pushing it a little too much)… is when he says “you’re like a drug to me, my own personal brand of heroin”… she makes the comment about her being his brand of heroin… he goes into food and drug metaphors to explain to her why her blood “sings” to him
  • The words on the back cover are at the end of the meadow scene in both cases… I kinda would like that to be the end of that particular sequence of shots, rather than the next day… either that, or I’d change the way that was shot just by the slightest
  • I don’t remember in the book how Edward discussed his origin story. They officially come out as a couple at the school and this entire time, he’s going into his history, his family’s history, how Alice has another ability (forgets to mention Jasper… :sigh: ) and explains how her visions are subjective… I’m just not convinced of all this being the right way to go about it. Explaining it all in one random scene they have together doesn’t feel right to me
    • Alice explains the mechanics of the change to Bella later on… so there’s no need to really discuss it here
    • I believe Carlisle stole Edward away from the hospital and bit him on the roof, not in the bed… seems kinda odd
  • Shoot… I paused it and forgot what I wanted to say… he says “I don’t want to be a monster” in the book, but it’s before all this… its under a different context, feels false in how they’re just summing all of this up.
  • I’m not sure when Billy and Jacob show up… probably directly after “the meadow” scene… he spends all weekend with her… coming into her bedroom that night and the next morning, he suggests going to his place (“how do you feel about meeting my family”)
  • In the movie, they just talk about the murders, but there’s supposed to be a pretense that Billy saw Edward… and Bella is doing damage control, trying to make sure that Billy doesn’t leak anything to Charlie (Jacob should mention a couple of times how superstitious his dad is, brought up a bunch of times in the book)
  • Charlie’s supposed to be at the house or coming back to the house at this time: he makes a comment “I better not have seen you behind the wheel, Jacob”… he’s supposed to be driving… like WTF, Billy’s in a wheelchair, how he driving that truck, makes no sense… but when he gets out of the car, his expression should be uneasy towards Bella… Charlie makes his comment, which breaks up the tension
  • Things are a little backwards here… Edward spends his first night in Bella’s room before he takes her to meet his family!
  • I’m not quite sure what it is… maybe me being unhappy that some of his scenes of character got cut out (maybe this was put in to make up for that)… I think I’m crushing on Emmett, lol
  • The scene starts with Carlisle and Esme waiting in the lobby to meet her, Alice and Jasper make their entrance very similarly to this (all the lines are great)… Bella then notices the piano and Edward plays while everyone disappears to give them privacy (Rosalie and Emmett aren’t seen officially meeting Bella until the baseball game)
  • Gotta keep the graduation caps scene… that’s so cute and inventive… plus one of the few occasions Bella has her sense of humor as she has in the book
  • For some reason, I imagined Edward’s room being a bit bigger than that… for some unknown reason, the large window is left there wide open… as if suggesting the fact they’re about to go outside… all of the whimsy and wonder that takes over the following scene with the lullaby plays in the background… they could have just left that for the meadow… it segues into the piano and everything, but it just seems unnecessary to add that extra-ordinary bit
  • The scene where she says “I’m not afraid of you”… he attacks her… and makes her change her mind… then Alice and Jasper come in
  • It seems rather abrupt to go back to the real world real quick… the fantasy world seems to be kept up for a while… then Bella goes home for a few hours to hang around the house before Charlie comes home, as the thunderstorm is going to be that night
  • Mike’s line about Edward looking at her like she’s something to eat and Charlie asking if she’s interested in any of the boys in town… both happen earlier on… as the book progresses, there’s more time spent with Edward as if leaving the human world behind… they show the nomad scene real quick so Charlie can bring it up… again they’re at the diner
    • Why the hell didn’t they have Bella cook in the movie? She cooks for Charlie all the time
  • She’s talking to her mom here and kinda tells her that she’s seeing someone… then Edward comes into her bedroom… makes me wonder how long it has been in the book since the last time Bella and her mom talked
  • This scene seems really abrupt, comes out of nowhere… which is very Hollywood and I kinda like it, but it’s not how it was done in the book
  • He talks about liking to watch her sleep… she should get very self-conscious about that, wondering what he overheard (“you said you loved me” as well as the first couple of days, she hated the rain, missed her mom and it was “too green”)… this is very dramatic here as well with the first kiss, but c’mon… the kiss happens around “the meadow” scene… after when he’s taking her back to her truck, says he thought on the way over about something he wanted to try
  • I’ll have to check into the first night they spend together… if I can find the right line to end on, the silent discussion between them might actually be good to keep in this scene… just as long as there isn’t any important dialogue that should be mentioned somewhere, it just might work
  • Note: there is a lot of scenery shots… either in some of the stuff I want to cut out because I don’t like how those scenes are done or in the transitions… I like the scenery but not nearly THIS much
  • I love Charlie in this scene… he brings up the pepper spray, which he gives her in response to what’s going on with the nomads… I’d hate to cut out that remark since it gets brought up twice after he gives it to her “all right, bring him in”… gotta keep this back and forth, for sure
  • Oh wow… this is the day after the meadow, still the same day as when she met the other Cullens… he drives the jeep to a certain point (actually see it in front of the house, I was about to cry fowl of an error but he was supposedly already there by the time)… then he runs her all the way up, they banter back and forth about her being afraid of him hitting trees, then he laughs really loud when she follows (love that conversation, wanna keep that in there)
  • It seems that Charlie is a bit more calm and levelheaded than he is in the book… when he hears Bella has a date with Edward, he flips out, but that’s before he knows which Cullen it is… I like it here better, his unintentional sense of humor here is so good
  • Bella and Esme have a conversation on the way to home plate where she talks about what happened to her, how she thinks of the others as her children…
  • Omg… LOVE the baseball scene… it’s one of the most anticipated scenes in the entire book that I’m betting all of the fans couldn’t wait to see… keep everything exactly like it is! That’s probably the single scene I don’t want to touch at all
  • Not sure about Alice’s vision, though: should or shouldn’t we see the three vampires… we’d seen them the entire movie, but if I cut all of those extra scenes out, would it be too random… I think after the baseball scene, Edward joins Bella, asking what she thinks… then they see Alice, he notices something’s wrong and she gasps, making her comments about seeing vampires coming their way… that might just work
  • The book talks about them coming out of the mist a couple of yards apart… that might be a little more dramatic than coming together… then James has Laurent shift in front of him to bring a false pretense about him being the leader
  • I like the tension in the scene, but there’s nothing about them hunting around here. They discuss their different ways of living… though James being set off seems a little… well, duh, its supposed to be abrupt, coming out of nowhere :sigh: as much as I like the baseball discussion between Jasper and Victoria, I might have to take that out in favor of bringing more drama to James’s reaction
  • eeee… I really hate Bella’s line “what, now he’s coming after me?”… it just sounds really… doesn’t sit well with me, doesn’t feel right… like she came to that conclusion way too quickly, she keeps asking “what’s going on, tell me what’s going on”… I love the conversation they have with Emmett and Alice here… oh why didn’t they let them come along for the ride too, that would have been so great
  • the scene with her and Charlie is really good until a certain point… he submits a little bit, saying that she wants to leave because he’s not that fun to be around… the excuses were random, the flat screen and diner… dude, if she was cooking this entire movie, that wouldn’t be an issue… after saying “I just got you back”… she goes on to say “It didn’t work out, I really hate Forks” before shutting the door in his face (to have him grab her arm to stop her like in the book just seems around Billy Burke’s personality for Charlie, so that doesn’t quite feel right here)
  • the Laurent conversation explains everything, it’s good
  • make for more of a scream from Bella when Emmett shows up, Edward claps a hand over her mouth
  • they formulate the plan in the garage, but Alice helped concoct this with Bella on the way to Charlie’s… and the thing about killing vampires, Edward explains to Bella on the way back to the house
  • the goodbye happens differently in the book… there’s tension in the kiss… then Alice offers to carry Bella to the car
  • the montage scene is really good between leaving the Cullen house and getting to Phoenix… the only thing is that Rosalie doesn’t take the clothes to put on to leave the trail, its Esme (she refuses to take the clothes… so WTF, why change characters for this)
  • Carlisle, Emmett and Edward in the hunting party… so where’s Carlisle in all this?
  • Bella doesn’t know if its morning or evening… she comes in… or maybe Alice comes in… anyway, she has the vision around this point, just like it happens in the movie
  • After Edward calls, she asks Alice if the phone is safe and she leaves the message here for her mom… then later on, James calls back
  • All of this comes way too quickly… but I think it might be best if they go straight to the ballet studio instead of her house first… makes things go quicker than having that extra scene there… but they’re supposed to go the airport to meet Edward and the others… Bella keeps up the pretenses, though she knows she has to leave her friends behind… she loses Jasper at the restroom in the airport… makes it down to the lobby and hails a cab to Scottsdale.  It just seems way too easy for her to slip out the hotel entrance without Alice or Jasper noticing… there was discussion before going to the airport that there was no way the Cullens could protect all of Bella’s loved ones… she’s so uptight about the whole thing and they think it’s going to be okay… the way she thinks of others is definitely lost here
  • There are little tiny details that I want to either add or take out of the big confrontation/showdown between her and James… Kristen’s acting is maybe a little too much in one or two shots early on (“Edward has nothing to do with this” seems extremely forced as if it took her a while to think of how to remember her lines)… James could say something about Alice here… he says that he [wow… it is really late… my computer just started clicking and flashing for whatever reason… :sigh: I’m up doing DVD commentary until 3 in the morning… and I could possibly be doing this for another half hour]… James makes a comment about Edward not having the strength to turn Bella… he could go on to say that years ago, he was in a similar situation but that vampire did what Edward was too weak to do… discusses the mental hospital and she realizes it’s Alice… says he was surprised to see her in the clearing, but in this case, they get her, and he gets Bella
  • Most of the fight scene that follows can be left as it is… only nit-pick… Edward doesn’t show up until the point James bites her… and he does so because there is so much blood that he cannot help himself… he does away with the camcorder and bites her just as Edward gets there
  • [geesh, I don’t know what my computer does at 3 in the morning… but its just making the process slower]… I was going to comment that Edward is the first one to talk to Bell after she wakes up… but again, if there’s anything of consequence that I want to keep in there, I might have to do the scene the way I want it… there’s commentary about Alice that I don’t want to lose in the storyline at all (I really do hope that they go into Alice’s past a bit more in the final movies)
  • Another scene I really cringe at every time I see it… I’d only gotten an emotional response out of it maybe twice… and the first time was seeing the cameras shooting the scene, not the actual scene… Edward brings it up abruptly anyway, but he says that if she goes to Jacksonville, he has to stay in Forks… I just think Kristen gets really overdramatic here, and its supposed to be, but the way she does it is off-putting… saying all of these lines at once… and the “you can’t say stuff like that to me” just feels false… one of those reasons why some people hate the series… it seems she’s overly dependant on him being there, which is true, but this really does show that
  • [okay, computer’s back at normal speed]… the chapter called “Impasse” is about Bella wanting to become a vampire so she can be equal with Edward, that is avoided completely and left for prom… it’s hard to tell whether I want to keep the scene with Charlie or not… he isn’t around for the scene at the end of “New Moon” so why does he get this one… maybe having a voiceover here would be good, saying Charlie has been disagreeable towards Edward, blaming him for the situation… the epilogue begins with Edward driving Bella to prom and she’s not sure until Tyler shows up what the occasion is
  • It’s tough deciding whether I like the scene with Jacob here or when they’re dancing in the book… I think it kinda works here… I would like some comments from Bella about it being a horror movie, the vampires murdering the townspeople and she’s with them, lol
  • Hey, wait a minute… in the book, they said that Forks was such a small town that the gym was the largest structure they had to throw a dance… this is a completely different venue (sorry, nit-pick, though not terribly important)
  • There is a little bit more conversation here that I miss a bit… maybe something about him asking “where did you think we were going”… then she says where and then he says “you thought that was a black tie occasion, did you?” then they launch into this conversation about aging, wanting to be a monster, etc, etc.
  • I think the shot with Victoria was merely there for continuity, to allude to the fact that isn’t the end… but I kinda like the way the camera pans into the reflection and it should fade out at that point… the way that prom is set up looks amazing, I’m not sure if I’d want to change any of it…
  • So I’ve come to the end of my DVD commentary… it’s a 2 hour movie… and it took me until 3:35am to finish it… so roughly… wow, almost exactly 4 hours… oh boy… I don’t think I’m gonna be able to get a good night’s sleep tonight, I’m gonna be so tired in the morning and Carlisle is going to be on Regis & Kelly…. In approximately 6 hours, give or take 10-20 minutes… how the hell am I able to stay up so late to do these things anyway? It’s like the typing is keeping me awake or me thinking things through… just insane not looking forward to later in the morning

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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