Wanting 2b in mulitple places at once (with a twist)

Geesh… I got a podcast coming up tomorrow night and I’m not sure if I’m anywhere near being ready for it.

Eh… I’m sure I can manage it…

 

I’ll see first of all… shoot, I gotta put together a small, impromptu Christmas list… gotta string together 4-5 items for possible Christmas shopping… which will be going on during my folks being away at the shorehouse… supposedly πŸ™„

funny how I’m using all of these. org emotions and they’re not really to any purpose but to explain different actions…

anyways… my quickie list

Best Buy will come with two of the items, lol… as they’re exclusives

Taylor Swift- Speak Now World Tour Live (CD/DVD)
Lady Gaga- Monster Ball Tour Live (DVD)
Daughtry- whatever the new album is called (Break the spell)
Captain America (DVD)
Scotty McCreery… what the hell… Clear as Day

I gotta be specific or else it could prove problems…
that’s definitely a short enough version of my Christmas list… just gotta find something to write it down on

okay, all set… it does help to know where everything else, plus to keep a pencil nearby… that’s gotta be my motto from now on… and in case I don’t have my cell on me, I should carry a small notebook around to write down lyrics to look up later and whatever else I can think of…

:sigh:
well, to add to my left ear, which I’d been freaking out lately that I might be starting to damage it with my earbuds… I’ve got another possible issue I’m gonna have to deal with. Minimally for the next couple days…

I had definitely inherited the klutz gene from my mom (it exists throughout her family tree as well, we have proof, lol)… I’m just hoping that the pain goes away after a couple days…
bumped my knee into a coffee table and OMG… I have a high tolerance for pain in general, but it was SO painful

perhaps the worst part of it is that whenever something like this happens (I got back to messing up my shoulder once or twice on this as an immediate example), nobody is around or at least nobody who thinks that I’m seriously hurt or whatever…  “the boyfriend” was there, asking if it hurt… or something like “i’ll bet that hurts”… not in a joking or sarcastic way…
I might be being a drama queen about this, an attention-seeker, whatever… but it’s almost as if I have to be bleeding out pints of blood or coughing up a lung for anyone to take notice when I accidentally inflict pain on myself like this…

so if I bend it a certain way, it really hurts… but I’ll try to limit the mobility for a while and see if it heals or gets better on its own. I’ll see tomorrow morning whether or not I have a HUGE bruise on my knee where the accident happened

the strangest part was that first I heard the deafening bang, wondering what the hell that was… and then the moment I look down, the pain reaches my brain… I’m not sure if it was that “repression” psychology thing or it literally took a hop, skip and a jump for the pain signal to get to my brain…
that’s almost freaky, actually…

to add insult to injury, if I do officially lose my hearing in the future, I definitely gonna want some of the blame to go on my folks…
whenever we have the car rides and they play music on the stereo, it is loud enough where I have to crank my volume up so I can hear what I’m listening to… and these days (as in the past 4-6 years), I’d been more interested in what I’m listening to… its gotten to a point where I gotta disappear into the music. If I have it planned ahead of time that I want to listen to this, nothing is going to deter me from that…

I played 2 albums… one of my iPod (“American Idiot”) and I brought Taylor Swift’s “Speak Now” on CD so I could crank up the volume on my headphones instead of my earbuds… might be a bit safer…

during a jazz album, there was a particularly loud number when I got to “Wake me up when September ends”… which I HAVE to hear without question… its a great song and an important one to really hear to really get the fun enjoyment out of it… the rest of “American Idiot” is pretty loud as it is so I was find with the rest of it… πŸ™„ go figure its always this one song

then when I finally got around to playing Taylor Swift, on my favorite (well… I’m not even positive on that anymore… it’s very close between two songs) song, the one I sang for a YouTube video, I couldn’t enjoy it cuz the music was on too loud in the car, couldn’t pay attention to any of it…

so I was afraid the whole album would be lost cuz of that…

I’m gonna have to go with a resounding “no” on that one

“I gave her a ring for her birthday, its an engagement ring but it wasn’t sized right so its on her middle finger… yeah, we’re engaged”

the strangest Downey quotes creep into my mind sometimes… (that one did around 4-5pm today)
with it being 11:45 my time, I’m not sure if I’ll have time

It’s also fitting πŸ™„ that “Iron-Man” is playing tomorrow night prior to the Planet Earth podcast… fate’s trying to confuse me, give me the run around…

but hell, I’ve got “Home for the holidays” coming on Saturday morning… plus “Shawshank” tomorrow afternoon so I don’t think I can do too many movies tomorrow anyways

I also decided, on a whim, to play through all of “Speak Now”…
in general, I skip three tracks… four… I didn’t upload four of them to my iPod

“Dear John”… which she wrote about, it’s popularly believed, John Mayer… kinda says how he’s bi-polar in relationships, other people warned her about him and how he didn’t stop to think she was too young to be messed with…
It’s a really long song, I think it runs close to 5-6 minutes… the length and the sleepyness of the music… but actually, I might have had a change of heart tonight… the lyrics are great, really poinent… and sounds like one of those ultimate “flaming” tracks where she calls someone out.
Like I could totally see myself singing along to it when I’m really angry about something or at someone

“Grow up” is touchy-feely… but to the point where I can’t really get into it… “The Best Day” is guilty of making me cry more times than I can count, never has a song been so difficult for me to sing along with during some points (mainly the last few lyrics of the chorus, lol)… I figured I’d listen cuz she said on 60 minutes that she wrote it the first night she spent in her new apartment

“Innocent” I have yet to figure out what its about, lol… I gotta read into the lyrics more

“Last Kiss” is very sad… its a good song, but aside from the emotionality of it, it runs very long, gets kinda sleepy…

I think the greatest fault “Speak Now” has is that the pacing is very slow in places… some songs are harder to get into than others… it’s amazing how a lot of the songs run long… 5 minutes is not uncommon with a lot of these…

and actually, I think “Enchanted” runs close to 6 minutes long

I started to… at least attempt to start, putting together a screenplay for what I’d see for a music video of that song. I’m on a bit of a time crunch now because I’m interested in the concert tour footage of her newest tour, which means I’ll see her vision of it and might lose mine entirely…

I started to listen to it and the images were getting convaluted… I thought everything was going to be a big jumbled mess… but into the 2nd verse, things started to improve… bits and pieces of images were coming, two signficiant enough that I was in a rush to get through the rest of the album to write them down before I lost them…

a transition to the inevitable dream sequence… Taylor’s “pacing back and forth”… the camera goes down, showing her feet, then down to the first level where she runs to open the door

then there was this beautiful, light airy meadow that came into my mind… beautiful green grass, white and yellow wildflowers everywhere…

halfway through, I realized “oh shoot, this might not work…” the chorus clearly starts with the words “this night”… it has to be a nighttime sequence and it was most definitely daylight

oh… and the very ending of it, I have him show pebbles at her window and she looks down to find that he came to find her…

I remember bits and pieces of it… “Speak Now” was a tough ride for a while. Because of the dizzying length, I couldn’t remember too many of the songs… the title track was signifianct, I remember sparks flying instantly with the 2nd track…
there was a moment listening to this album. We were driving in the wintertime to one of my relative’s (can’t remember which)… I shut my eyes in general while listening to the music… I had just realized this time around as I started to listen to the lyrics… I was totally getting the fairytale/”Love Story” vibe and it became like something out of that genre… simply fell in love with it after that… plus vocally, it is a HUGE challenge, that high note Taylor hits, my voice just scraps the edges of breakage

there have been a couple of moments like tonight… I’d get this or that out of the song, but maybe due to that final image I got from it, I was teary-eyed… it was just so beautiful

Lakoda Rayne’s departure from X-Factor was extremely disheartening, but luckily I was caught off guard and desensitized at the same time so I wasn’t a total mess…
I gave some votes to Drew after she killed Demi Levato’s “Skyscraper”… I don’t even like Demi Levato… I mean she was great in “Camp Rock” when she was the mousy, shy, artistic songwriting type… her song there was great… but her voice isn’t that strong and it scraps worse than mine when doing the song that was written for her specifically

Can’t believe LA didn’t know that was her song… he thought it was old… WTF? I thought he knew stuff in the music business (and yeah, I know that Disney artists don’t really count, but still)…

I was really touched by that performance, especially when she dedicated it to her bestie, Shelby… I ended up listening to Taylor Swift twice that night… “You belong with me” after Lakoda Rayne did it and “Fifteen” after Drew sang… because Taylor wrote that about her bestie and it turned out real well….

 

this is a prime example of what I’m talking about… kinda wanted to do a discussion on… well, I can still manage it, but I need to dim the lights cuz my eyes are starting to go a bit

I’d hate for my conversation to go in one direction so I neglect the rest of it just as easily…

I stuck around tonight for Gaga’s Thanksgiving special… which was part performances, part interview and part cooking, lol

her Italian family comes up so much when she’s speaking… she and Art Smith (some celebrity chef I don’t believe I’d heard off… wasn’t on food network, lol) were making fried turkey and waffles… its kinda cool she knows how to cook… and man, family is a huge thing with her. I guess its an Italian thing too…

Family is among the first things that influence who we are… I’m not super tight with mine the same way, but we are tight in our own way too… we know each other’s quirks real well… although a lot of the time I feel misunderstood cuz I don’t feel cool with expressing certain parts of myself

I could care less if I’d heard it dozens of times recently… I would have loved “Judas” to be one of the songs she did… she’d only performed it once live…

I think she did Born this way, Bad Romance, You & I, the edge of glory (which she revealed to have written for/about her dying grandfather… it could definitely be interpreted another way entirely, lol), her duet “She’s a Tramp” with Tony Bennett, two Christmas covers and Hair…

aside from the Art Smith segment, she did arts & crafts with grade school kids from her school and was interviewed by Katie Couric

I’d seen her perform “Hair” on GMA, which definitely set the bar for tonight… it was a very intimate performance… just her, the piano and dozens of wigs on top of it… I think she said on GMA that people used to make fun of her wigs and she said that she loves them because they let her be so many different people… that’s a quirk I absolutely love

she spent some of the time talking about how she used to be one of those kids in school that had nowhere to sit, nobody who wanted to sit with them. And more or less dedicated the performance (and the final teal wig she put on her head in addition to two others) to anyone who, in school, wasn’t comfortable with showing who they were…

I swear I almost lost it at that point…

I really do love some of the artists I listen to today, especially getting to know them behind their music. More and more, I see how they’re just as human as the rest of us… but ones who have been lucky enough to have the successes that they have…

In general, it’s easier for me to just call her Gaga when I’m being asked about something or I’m referring to something to do with her… one term’s easier than two… and maybe “mother monster” is a little excessive in mixed company. I am most definitely a “little monster” though πŸ˜‰ no doubt about that

ever since seeing her on Ellen, I suppose that’s where it started, whenever I see her listed in the information as appearing on some show, I’m interested in seeing what’s what… whether its a performance, interview or what… the interviews are what I really get into because so much comes out. I find myself confronted by a lot of things that I’d known for years and/or that I’d been running away from

more or less, I said to myself “omg, that’s me”…
heck, I’m still not comfortable with being myself around other people, not even my own family. In high school, it was mostly me beating myself over the head with my grades and being infatuated with the people involved in the school musicals…

I didn’t really have a sense of identity except for my writing, but that came about because I had no choice but to go into self when I wasn’t making friends… most of my friendships derived from coincidences, random occurrences… they were there at a certain point and since then, we were in each other’s lives for that amount of time that followed

traded papers with one in math class in 5th grade
did a project with one in 6th grade- went separate ways and befriended the next year
“David” and his friends came by my empty lunch table and he insisted they sit down as to not hurt my feelings by leaving, which would imply that they didnt want cuz of me

Kirby found me at n-wing after we went to the same biology lecture about aquaculture
Andrew offered to drive me to the field station for our seal study
Sam was in my history class and she started looking for me soon after, interested for whatever reason in being friends, lmao

you know, life is all about randomness, I think…. that’s how people run into each other… (oh yeah, I’m so not going to be able to watch any YouTube clips tonight, Im getting tired)… “we are mysteriously guided towards these people we get to dance with”

Robert’s seen a lot of life and therein lies lots of wisdom that he most definitely gives creditability too… that’s one of those things for sure…

I do believe that he did a lot more good for me after randomly becoming a huge part of my life… not so much these days… but yet, I still manage to give him a mention in almost every entry I do… makes me sound like I don’t have a life (and I really didn’t even before he came into it), but its all for good reason… he’s helped me acknowledge that there are things about me that I don’t like that I wish I could change… but in the most dire of times, he was like an angel to me for making me feel better, helping me get through the difficulities, at least in the mental part of it

when it comes to whomever becomes part of me, it ends up getting to me through the roundabout route… I tend to wait for certain moments to happen before I fully commit to something… but with that last case, I couldn’t help it… I HAD to commit after what I witnessed… it was a huge pill to swallow, but at least I gave myself the time to attempt to figure out some of what went array with him

 

then in the interview with Katie Couric, Gaga said how great her parents were, how they encouraged her and didn’t make her change who she was or what she was about…

I’m not about to say anything against my parents… they are still great people, love them to bits as always… and I was encouraged when it came to a lot of things…

I think my biggest gripe is that as much as I was encouraged and praised for my writing, to everyone else but me, it’s only a hobby… nobody in my family ever told me to go for publishing, that I was as good as anyone in my genre…

I was told in my sophmore year that nobody makes money writing what I write, that I can’t make a career out of it… I was told that I couldn’t major in creative writing and to go into the sciences… which is where the money is… supposedly…

neither realm has given me that much help with any of that… no science around here and nobody wants to help me get published… granted, I’m still in the editing bay with my story and I’m just getting my writer’s blog off the ground, but still…

would it hurt for my folks to once to me tell go for it… telling me that I should look into pubishing my work… deep down, that’s what I want to happen and… it’s frustrating… always has been, but to this day, I still write, though not always what I used to.

whenever I get rejected by an agent/publisher, that’s the… ahh… word please…. extra push I need to return to writing, editing or whatever else…

I think I might be close to maybe someday soon write another short story… I’ll see how good inspiration is to me

the way it seems is that I’ve got one story that I want to publish (the only one that I see going first) that I’d edited dozens of times in the past several years…
I have another that I was in the middle of editing and I think I cut out halfway through, lol…
one that I was going through with track changes and I cut out halfway through when I started writing other stuff

and maybe every other story I have, I got through the first draft and was finished with it. Several years later, I failed to go back to them to see if they still hold water… which I kinda doubt they do… especially the ones I had to edit to revamp the presentation of it all

and now its 1am… time flies, but its just ridiculous how it does…

I’ve got so much to talk about, so many different people and areas I want to cover, but I don’t have the time to get to all of them in equal amounts

 

anyways… gonna do a Planet Earth Podcast with the Purple Knights tomorrow night at 10:30 and again, I’ll post the link on my blog once it’s all finished

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