so much for Positivity [regarding Prince]

I often name my entries after the current thought running through my head. Before I decided to take a trip over to .org and pretty much fell victim to the place’s negativity, writing a reply to a thread that wasn’t entirely flattering of my favorite musician.

had I started this entry sooner, it’d have a name like “Asthetic Distance and hugging cactuses” in response to my complete 180 yesterday

after seeing “Meet the Spartans” and “300” back to back nights, I started to have a sneaking suspicion of something I really hope doesn’t come to pass.

I know that the “Scary movie” people are going to write a sequel to “Vampires suck”… something I definitely don’t want to buy into again. The original was good to a degree, I just took offence to one too many things which sucked (haha, very funny) the fun out of it… if there was any to be had

I’m really, really hoping that they don’t do a spoof of “Suckerpunch”… as if it’s bad enough that none of the critics really got it, I don’t need an entire movie or even a reference to it being a poorly engineered piece of filmmaking…

I don’t believe that’s at all true…
then again, I’ve got good reason to believe that somebody in the next year or so will write something that spoofs “Inception”… and really, I think it and “Suckerpunch” are very similiar. The only difference is that “Inception” had Leonardo DiCaprio and Christopher Nolan, which gave it that A-list boost.

Both movies are about tripping into alternate realities. Inception is through layer upon layer of dreams. Suckerpunch is purely psychological, which I assume is part of the reason some people didn’t quite get it.

and yeah, I’m more liable to get Suckerpunch just because it’s about female enpowerment and I could relate to it to a degree, especially at the time.
though I can’t quite say that it inspired my writing in any way, as of yet. Besides, this year was more or less dominated by one particular person inspiring me and it went a degree beyond the two years before… “Remember me” making me go patriotic for 3-6 months, however long that story took to write and Alexis Grace’s stint on American Idol was something that was heavily on my mind for 3 months

the thing about actors is that they play different people and those different people definitely had me inspired in a couple ways… even if I’m writing about the same two over and over again

boy, if that doesn’t say obsession, I don’t know what does…

umm…
actually, the fact I originally got my iPod as a place to put all of Prince’s music in one place, now that’s obsession… and dedication too, lol

since last year’s trip to Australia, that went clear out the window. so I wouldn’t have to bring my CD wallet or player, I put a lot of my favorite albums on my iPod along with the purple music. Little by little, it has become an endangered species on my iPod and nearly extinct on my playlist of 25 most played

as a result of perhaps 30 listens to The Futurist, yeah, that kinda trumps a lot of things. The majority of my top 25 are taken up by those 10 songs, 7 of Wendy & Lisa’s (which I’d listened to 30+ times over the course of 2-3 years), a couple by Maroon 5 and Taylor Swift

I’m gonna miss my “Office” calendar. It’s been so fun waking up with a different quote from one of my favorite series.

a year ago around this time, I didn’t know if I was going to make it through Australia without The Office, lol… I’d come to really enjoy the series so much, so much so that I can’t even remember what got me starting to watch it. I tried it once and didn’t quite get it, but maybe Rainn Wilson had a tiny bit to do with it. Dwight K. Schrute is one of a kind as far as anti-heroes go

I have strange taste in men, clearly… I never go for the conventional, that’s what I’ve kinda learned over the past couple years.

but yeah, in Australia, I got by in watching The Office on the flights over and the frequency of cricket at the pubs had me thinking about the world of “Fantastic Mr. Fox” and the sport of Whack-bat

gotta love it… I love life’s moments of randomness.
my next entry, not this one, will be about 2011 in summary… the majority being focused on pop culture, but I’ll add a little of this and that. politics (local & international), sports… but mostly my list of movies that I saw this year for the first time (therefore, I think its in order to go through my long list of movies and put all of the new ones towards the end, just so I have them all in one place… my current guess is that I saw at least 250 for the first time this year… that might be too much or it might be as many as 300, I don’t know or have any way of knowing yet)

yeah, this blog was originally started to discuss Prince and even now that I have him in the title cuz he was the first thought in my head when I clicked the “new weblog entry” button, I’d completely sidetracked myself

ultimately, the story is that I went over to .org out of curiosity, as I tend to do once a month or every couple months… the only one of my friends that I’d been talking to on a regular basis happens to be the one huge Prince supporter I have in my life, even then we’d found plenty more to talk about aside from him…
mostly its our own flaws and insecurities, a lot of which we share to the point its scary

I commented on one post, asking if there were any albums that you had to play all the way through… couldn’t skip a single song cuz it was all really good together…
Prince made me an album person, someone who likes to take the entirity into account rather than skipping to the singles. Thanks to that renewed mindset, I’ve enjoyed many of my favorite artists because I’ve taken the liberty of listening to their entire albums

so far I’d only listened through Daughtry’s new album… and right now, my reaction is cautiously optimistic that I’ll like it better than the first one, but definitely not more than the previous…

the way I go into Daughtry or found myself going into it… I would immediately judge a song or would pick up on it, moving closer to my stereo to hear it better, based on the opening notes. Maybe its something that got programmed into my head without my knowledge after my experience with “Leave this town,” which was pretty remarkable. Certainly not as forgettable as of the debut album was.
But all of my favorite songs have in common the fact that the beginning grabbed me right away, that it sings a beautiful set of notes that reminds me of why I love the medium of music as much as I do.

There were maybe 6-7 songs that had that intial reaction with me and I believe all but one delievered on the promise of what the opening 10-15 seconds held.
I got the deluxe edition for Christmas, which is great… I don’t mind extra tracks at all.

After listening to it, though, the fact that it was 16 tracks long… that played tricks on my mind, making me believe it was a lot longer an album than it was… it was a little less than an hour. I think “Leave this town” was close to 48 minutes and I don’t even listen to the whole thing a lot of the time… I usually skip one of the singles in the beginning, sometimes both (“Life after you” never really did anything for me)… and maybe two other songs later on (“Lessons Learned” and “Tennessee Line”)

the fact of the matter is that the extra tracks on this deluxe album… I just felt like they were filler, a waste of CD space… the final track of the original 12, that was really good, I enjoyed it. And then after that, I don’t know what happened. They just didn’t pack any punch and the last track was so short and acoustic that it didn’t have enough time to impress anything on me that it was barely a blip on the radar

anyway, the second thread I wanted to respond to, I ended up not really giving my usual Prince rant… I didn’t go deragatory or overally negative or anything where I was calling Prince out… I had trouble even writing that he was a jerk… I couldn’t so I substituted it for
“being a musical genius doesn’t excuse you from being a man without humility”… something like that

the question was that was Prince’s attitude the reason he isn’t heralded as an musical artist…
yes and no, definitely

I put the blame mostly on lack of promotion… I buy my music based on what’s playing on the radio and usually I need a couple good singles before I pick up someone new… and with everyone else in my collection, if I liked their previous album a lot, I’m guranteed to buy the next one…

a lot of the time, I’ve found, the 2nd album is a disappointment after the first…
Michelle Branch and Ryan Cabrera were among those… Ashlee Simpson was yes and no, I like the 80’s edge of “I am me” but the fact I didn’t listen to it for a whole year after getting it for Christmas

sometimes I can be so terrible like that. getting albums for gifts and I shelve them for a long time because other albums, some old, some new, keep me distracted, so why bother with anything new?

speaking of which…

I think for the majority of my recent purchases, its pure coincidence that these artists became renowned for being very talented…
Taylor Swift, I checked into because I liked one song… just one song was enough and luckily I decided to get “Fearless” on the merits of Love Story & You belong with me because it opened a lot of doors

Lady Gaga, I ended up breaking down and getting because… why the hell not… she has a bunch of different songs on the radio, I enjoy a lot of them, what’s stopping me… so after maybe she’d been on heavy rotation for a year, I bought “The Fame”… and for a while I was satisfied with that…
“Born this way” was a really catchy song, but I didn’t really note the significance of it right away… “Judas” was the song that made get the album, I just had to have that in my collection

between the two albums and how much I loved The Monster Ball on HBO, “The Fame Monster” was next… because of the heavy rotation, all the talk and hype, I caved in and wow… never thought it’d get to this

Katy Perry, I bought into because her song “I kissed a girl” intrigued me to no end… and I loved the 80’s vibe of “Teenage Dream” so I had to get that album too

now I’m just depriving myself of things to talk about tomorrow 🙄

my point was that Adele is an artist that is getting a lot of discussion, a lot of props lately… and yeah, maybe the fact she could potentially be a shoe-in to win a lot of Grammys…
I made a point in saying that I rate new artists on the radio based on their singles… one song is sometimes enough for me to make my decision… Taylor Swift & Katy Perry were true to that

but with others, when the first single isn’t quite something that had me jumping up and down, I wait around to see if anything else catches my interest.
But with Adele, I want to kinda get in on that popularity, that streak of prestige, just so I could sell out to popularity yet again

at the same time, though, I really haven’t been up for the idea.
“Rolling in the deep” is a great piece of work, but it took me a while to get into… I believe “Someone like you” was her next single, but there might be another one… either way, I really don’t like “Someone like you,” in fact I hate it… maybe its just too overdramatic, her voice gets on my nerves, I dunno… but yeah, I’m not very interesting in her album.

but I had just heard them playing on the radio, I think its called “Fire on Rain”… something like that… phew, that was really good, it has me intrigued

on the other side of things, Nickelback has proved the opposite effect of this idea… buying albums because of singles…
the singles are the only good songs that they really have 😕 everything else is just too heavy on the hard rock, too heavy on the profanities/obscenities… it’s hard to explain exactly what’s such a turn off about a lot of their music… there’s profanities, but it’s not like gangster rap where there’s an obligatory curse word every 2-3 words…

speak of the devil, that was another one of their singles

I’m probably going to regret it, but I’m considering making the same mistake again… “Stay Together” is a really catchy song that I just can’t get out of my head after it plays on the radio
but I know that if I buy the entire album, I’m probably going to get let down again… I guess I should wait until the next single comes out before I decide

I love Chad Kroeger and his boys and what they do with their music, but its a red flag that I own 3 of their albums and I never listen to them…
I bought “Silver side up” strictly for “How you remind me”… everything else was just… not as good, the replay factor was way off

given the deragatory language in the last album “Black Horse,” I might like it a little bit more now than I did initially… seeing as my mind and writing has experimented with that state of mind…

there’s also a song on there that kinda… I don’t even remember if it’s this album anymore, I’ll have to check… it worked out pretty conventionally that I have all three albums next to each other on my almost full CD rack

hmm…
actually, the song I’m thinking of… there are two very similiar tracks, subject-wise, on both albums…
“Black Horse” might have… dammit, it’s “Dark Horse” it’s been a LONG time… the song I’m thinking about… its talking about a guy with a drug addiction and the title is “Just to get high”

phew, I don’t know what the two songs could put my mind through considering what I’d experienced over the past year… oh boy, that’s definitely bargaining with a lot.
as if it wasn’t enough that Katy Perry’s “Circle the Drain” gave me chills, it was eerily similar to what I had in mind at the time

3 doors down, I was lucky enough that Best Buy released a singles album that had 4 songs I loved to hear on the radio…

there are literally a dozen… well, maybe half a dozen, excellent songs by Rob Thomas’s group… shoot, what was it again? Matchbox 20… that I’d gotten to appreciate more because I enjoyed his album… still haven’t been able to find his first solo album

that and Debbie Gibson’s “out of the blue” have eluded me for years

the only thing is there are great singles, but they are scattered over 3-4 albums. I don’t want to go through the fuss of getting all of them just for a couple songs… I might just wait for their greatest hits, which can’t be too far off… I mean, The Backstreet Boys have only been around 10 years and have only released maybe 5-6 albums and they have a greatest hits

in the future, Matchbox 20 and Avril Lavigne will be two greatest hits albums I gotta have in my collection

Avril is a trip. I love her music, the songs I hear on the radio all the time, but I don’t like all of her singles and again, I want to save myself some money.
now, if “With you” was on her 2nd album, I’d have no problem… but it’s on the first album alongside the overplayed “Complicated” and substandard “Sk8rboi”… I’d rather wait for a greatest hits than linger with mediocrity

sure, over the years, and knowing someone like my friend Kirby made me appreciate “Complicated” more than I did when it first came out… but that can only get me so far… I’m sick of the fact that when the DJ says Avril Lavigne is coming up next, it’s almost always that song… enough already

“Nobody’s Home,” I have on mp3… via illegal download, lol… aside from that, I liked “Happy Ending” when it first came out, it was an example of good music still being around in a bleak 2004

“Keep holding on” is the last song of her third album… I think when it was first released or a week beforehand, Yahoo had a free listening party avoidable. it was there I listened through it and Elliot Yamin’s album… neither of which impressed me enough where I had to run out and get it

long story short… dammit, why do I have to talk so long to come to my conclusions, I’ll bet I lose a lot of readers that way…

when it comes to Prince, I only hear a small selection of his songs on the radio… except for D&P, all of them are from the 80’s… 1999, Little Red Corvette, I would die 4 U, Raspberry Beret, Kiss and When Doves Cry…
it doesn’t do you good if people don’t think you’re still around doing stuff… Bon Jovi at least has it right to a point, his newer songs don’t get a lot of airplay, but they do occasionally play them…

and people know he’s still around doing stuff… heck, he’s one of those musicians that became philanthropists which does wonders for their image

my impression of Prince is that he’s only in it for himself, always has to do things his way… no man is an island, as much as he can multi-task, he hasn’t shown himself, at least not in the past couple years, as being capable enough of being solely responsible for the promotion of his music and his image…
he could become as lucky as Van Gough and he’ll gain the appreciation he deserves when he isn’t with us anymore, but I don’t want it to have to come to that. I’d like for more people to appreciate him and talk about him as if he is the great musician I know him to be… not for him to be a punchline or be called one of many 80’s has-beens…

he has the talent and the stage presence to back it up, but as of the past couple years, he hasn’t done himself any favors.
I went so far as to say in that thread that the fact he went up against his record label was something that may have ended his career… at least in being the indestructible force of adaptation and innovation that he was in the 80’s… they blocked his attempts to oversaturate the market with his music because he was at a rate of churning out an album a day at the time… overally prolific with no means of controling himself, and really, who can bottle up talent like that?

but without a major record label, his records aren’t getting out there in places that people can purchase them. It’s a major red flag when you have to go through various Internet websites in order to find Prince albums that aren’t sold in wrecka stows… and even then, the pickings are extremely slim. Music shouldn’t be that hard to get a hold of in this day and age, and only the people with connections can access his newest stuff…
20TEN, I got via download via email and I’ve only listened to it a couple times… there just wasn’t enough in it to impress on me how good it could be potentially

another red flag is that the few times he does go on tour and keeps his dates as they were a couple months ago, he doesn’t promote his new music the way any artist ought to… he plays the singles of old… and yeah, his fans come out to hear the songs they grew up with, but it’s not helping him stay relevent…

except in the small circles of his supporters, Prince is only going to be known for a handful of things for the next couple decades… he was big in the 80’s because 1999 and Purple Rain, he changed his name in protest of his record label and really hasn’t had a major single on the radio to do well since “The Most Beautiful Girl in the World”

I’m sure a lot of die-hard fans are disappointed with the fact I’d found disappointment in:
when he separated from WB, he said that he was free to churn out as much music as he pleased… he really didn’t back up that and I’m not talking about the fact his latest records have been mediocre at best. I’m not going to question the legitamacy or quality of his output, that’s another story entirely and I’m not taking that into account

hmm… I’ve been up here for quite a while today. we’re expecting company in a couple hours and I guess I want to get my alone time in before I have to “entertain” the masses… after a while, that just gets me and I lose the energy to put on an act for everyone

I guess this is ultimately my chance to really be honest about how I feel about Prince and as of late, with the exception of how much I enjoyed Planet Earth the last time I listened to it, he really hasn’t given me a lot to write about… certainly not enough inititative to write about him as much as I used to.

I still have the utmost respect for him as a musician and all that, but I think I’ve run out of good praises to give him that I haven’t already said.
might as well stop before I get too negative on the blog I created specifically to talk about him

but unlike him wanting to strike out on his own so he could write what he wants to write at the rate he wants to, this blog has freed me in more ways than I could have imagined to write down my daily thoughts

thanks a great deal to RDJ for giving me things to write about because it has helped keep this place afloat…
that and the fact I’m now a movie junkie

yesterday was full of ups and downs… the downs were just that I was feeling miserable, unsure about whether or not I’ll be able to think of him the same way again without the negatives clouding my judgement

this is true with a lot of people, but a great deal more truthful when it comes to him… I’m hugely into watching a person’s eyes, whether its in a music video, TV show or movie (makes up for the fact I’m sucky with eye contact when I’m in the same room with a person)…
in watching every Robert Downey performance, when I’m not taking the whole screen into account, usually on his close-up only, my eyes are studying his eyes… and in some strange cosmic sort of way, part of me believes that my conscience intercepts certain things that only the windows of his soul can tell me… most of which without any words… it’s intuition and a feeling

I didn’t get a chance to say this the other day cuz I forgot…
the beginning of “two girls and a guy” was interesting in that he didn’t have any screentime until 15 minutes in. during that time, the two girlfriends are setting up his character by talking about what a slimeball he is, all the negatives and also what made them fall for him in the first place.
so through what they say, you’re set up to believe that this guy isn’t as great as he proclaimed himself to be via first impressions

…naturally, knowing me, the moment he comes on screen, I forget all that and judge him for myself… word of mouth is one thing, but its true with a lot of things, I like to judge people and things for myself before I let anyone else direct me otherwise

and I’m not just making excuses simply because I watched this strictly to see what he was going to do and what he was going to bring to that material he was given.

I think I spent a lot of the movie, asking myself “how’s he going to talk his way out of this one”… and yeah, the parallels to reality were glaring
maybe that’s why it was so hard for me to disgust… the fact I know the background of how the project came about and what it was supposed to prove/teach

I needed about half a day for me to get my head screwed back on the right way… where I could forgo all the negativity and focus primarily on the positivies

I had a couple of plans for last night in order to get myself back on track… as far as the blocking out and getting past the past…
the Charlie Rose interview was a given… the last time I accessed the site, maybe I didn’t get any update or whatever, the video wasn’t working so I had to watch it downstairs…

this time it worked and in case I lost my connection that night (I didn’t), I used realplayer to download it… only problem was that it only downloaded part of the interview… it actually intercepted an earlier interview that took place on the same show… so really, of that 23 minute download, only 8 minutes were with him…

an utter disappointment that left a bad taste in my mouth for a couple hours

I rewatched the only two scenes from “Two girls and a guy” posted on YouTube… and I guess after “meet the spartans’ completely took my mind off things, the separation worked for me… I didn’t feel hollow or whatever else inside while watching it… it was just like watching an archive of something

not that I can fully condone all the faces he was making in the mirror in the 2nd clip… it got to a point where I was thinking “okay, seriously dude, is that necessary”…

well, addiction is a dirty business… there is some truth to all of it

the next clip I decided to watch was with my better judgement, rather than against it…

while accepting his latest award (that really long one I have no means of being able to spell out), he was backing up his buddy Mel Gibson… wow… in addition to the fact he looks so different and so amazing now compared to his 32 year old self…
wow, so many words of praise from his part and he was speaking for experience, no doubt about it

lots of great moments of humor in there and of course there was the talk about “hugging the cactus”… which is what Mel used as a metaphor for embracing the ugly part of yourself and accepting it

so…… with that in mind, plus the fact Charlie Rose was in part talking to him about The Singing Detective, I finally caved…

two years ago, the movie was uploaded onto YouTube, but all but 4 parts were blocked indefinitely cuz of copyright infringement… I wasn’t going to watch any of it until I was sure I could see the whole movie, but yeah, I had to do it just to see what was what

and it would seem that “The Singing Detective”… he does sing, but it isn’t his voice singing… he sings a lot actually… and it is very R-rated…
it’s almost surreal and unreal saying this, but I don’t think I’d gone a single day this week without coming across a single sex scene in some movie

there was one in Wall Street, there was one in 300, there was one in Two Girls & a guy, and now this…

sex is clearly everywhere and a great part of it is in part to the fact… I just have to see some of these roles he’s playing just to really get an understanding of his range as an actor… none of it was intentional, but needless to say, my mind has offered curiosity a couple times recently.
my stories have certainly been showing that coming into light

my initial reaction was the opposite I thought I was going to it…
I was nearly in stitches watching the 2nd part (first clip) on YouTube… first there are a bunch of doctors surrounding him, talking to him about his condition (which is extremely painful, I didn’t have a full understanding of it until… again, looking into the eyes)… then they just spontaneously broke into song, the scene dissolved into an orgy :falloff: sex was happening everywhere, though not a lot of nudity

I know all of this is him hallucinating as a way of escaping his really painful reality and this goes deeper than what it seems to be… I really hated the fact I was laughing through the majority of the clips I was watching, but I was… I just couldn’t help it

as if that’s not bad enough, the next scene, Katie Holmes is his nurse and she’s there to give him a full body massage with skin cream and all that…
after saying she needs to get to a certain body part… after him spending a couple of minutes in mental dialogue trying to distract himself so he doesn’t get too excited :falloff:
the room dissolves into a dream sequence played to “Mr. Sandman”…

the way it ends is pretty much unavoidable… to spare myself going through details in a fit of discomfort, I’ll just write what Katie Holmes said “we don’t need to talk about this, do we?”
and I’ll leave it at the fact that he didn’t master any means of self-control

some things just… can’t… be controlled :falloff:
now I’m totally blushing

in the next scene he goes to see the new therapist, played by Mel Gibson (who is most definitely unrecognizable, lol), talks about reading his book (which apparently nobody bought and he’s very bitter about that)… there is definitely a tension there, as in Dan Dark really doesn’t like this guy very much…

the therapist asks him about one passage in the book that made no sense compared to everything else… it plays through his mind, which I assume is a personal flashback that inspired part of the story… as a kid, he sees a man (not sure if its his father or not) doing it with his mom… and actually, there was a split second where he was reading the passage aloud where he was disappearing into another reality where… well, he’s the one getting into it with a woman…

okay, enough of this business… there’s only so far I’m gonna go before I get too uncomfortable to discuss any further…
can just see him reading this now “oh yeah, well how do u think I feel” or some BS like that.
my utmost apologies

as serious of subject matter as this movie is supposed to be, the transcending between reality and fiction (for the character and for the man playing him)… I was in stitches watching it because it was just so out there… a honest to god mindf#&k

before I completely move on, I’d seen this one scene multiple times where this one nurse is asking him about what he believes in… but never to its fullest… that was extremely hilarious because he just has this overally sadistic sense of humor… and I mean sadistic… Robert described him as a man living with a delibating disease, who’s miserable and making everyone around him miserable… and by the end of his conversation, the nurse walks out on him, extremely offended by his negativity

all of it was just outrageous… and no matter how many times I come across it, it’s never the same experience each time…
truth of the matter is that RDJ plays such strange characters who get into the strangest of sheninigans that really do push the limit as far as how much I can endure before it makes me uncomfortable. And I think I have gotten comfortable with a lot of this stuff that I would have turned the other cheek to a couple years ago

it’s one thing for Prince to write hundreds of songs about sex, making love… for lack of a more approriate word,… …. fucking

omg, I cannot believe I just did that, but it’s true… that word came to mind and there’s really no other way to approach this because that is the truth…

it’s one thing he writes all these songs about it, going so far as to use that word, MF and every other curse word that are somewhere in my mind in part because I’d heard his songs so many times…

as receptive as I am to music, I’ve found that this year, being provided with the visual aspect of it in all these movies… that has really had my mind reeling a lot more than his music ever did.
the lack of comfort I felt in the beginning felt like a 7 out of 10…

geesh, how do I go about comparing that to a couple years later, right now… am I more open to seeing the visual aspects on film, yes… but I guess my judgement is based strictly on how much coverage there is and the length of the scene…
the general philosophy in my case is the longer the scene combined with the less the coverage, my comfort zone gets breached a lot faster and I’m more in a rush for it to end or just to cover my eyes :falloff:

yep, I’m ridiculously naive at age 25, but what the hell… I’m at least starting to challenge my normal limits… and perhaps by doing that on my own first, it’ll be much easier when it comes to experiecing it in reality, being that intimate with another person

as a general rule, I’d like to keep the profanities and inapproriate language to a minimum because I don’t want to make my merits on the fact I challenge what is considered approriate language… I don’t think I’ll ever quite be comfortable enough with going graphic with human anatomy and all that… but definitely the couple of times I’ve let these words onto my blog, they were for good reason

they fit my mindset at the moment…
I leveled it with myself that, yeah, that word came to mind and it had to be said to fully address the issue… :shrug: it’s the truth

and I will most definitely have to give credit for Mr. Downey for challenging me to use a little more language in my short stories… Julian just begs for me to use occasional curse words because that’s part of his personality
there’s nothing more to it

I’ve come across the Charlie Rose interview several times… along with 3-4 of his movies, I’ve had them on heavy rotation where I had to watch them at least once a month for the first several months… I’ve been showing more discretion as of lately and only when I’m really in the mood for certain movies, that’s when I break down and watch them

usually that works out pretty well… I don’t burn out as easily on any of these things and all the more to look forward to the next time

there have been a couple of times where I’d watch the interview and have trouble getting to sleep because I find something unsettling about it… :SIGH: actually, the unsettling thing about it is that I question myself more than I question him or feel sorry for him or whatever the hell it is

that was certainly the case the last time I watched the interview, was feeling very unsettled by me feeling like I’m not getting anywhere in my life right now, it sucks, etc, etc.

it was quite interesting to go in after watching a couple scenes of the movie, having those things in mind while watching and listening to the discussion

speaking of which, two things came in the conversation that I didn’t quite understand. I was unfamiliar with them… I think it’s about the sensation of “taking up one’s bed and walking”…

there was actually a quote in the movie that I felt really put a certain something to help better explain Robert’s condition of addiction…
he’d accepted the fact that there is something wrong with him, but he wasn’t taking initative or action to change anything… much the way that Dan Dark had surrendered to his painful condition rather than embracing it or writing something about it that helps him cope with it, making peace and all that

the two things were:
Tuesdays with Maury… which I might have heard of, but know nothing about… and
Campell & Moyer’s… a name I heard him say at least half a dozen times… well, each time I watch the interview, he mentions it (well, duh, that’s obvious), but I never quite understood it…

he grew up in a different generation, exposed to a lot of different things that I had no experience with or any means of knowing anything about them…

The Power of Myth… whoa, that’s really deep…

no wonder Robert was going into mythology and astronomy to discuss the means of his condition…

the god he associated himself with was Dionysus… he wasn’t sure of drunkeness or ecstacy… I think it was ectasy, but then again, maybe it was both… the guy did know how to party (Dionysus, I mean)…
and he said something like “if you don’t get off the track now, astronomy says, not astrology, that in 7 years you’ll get another shot”

ultimately the thing that was keeping him from finding and embracing recovery was that there were a lot of different factors that contributed, some were always there, some weren’t, some was obvious, some weren’t, but they weren’t firing at the same time and it took a while for everything to come together

so strange how I get something new out of him every time I watch these really pivotal/important interviews (and I can’t believe I’m still up here writing this entry, wow, gotta cut it short in half an hour or so)… but I got a LOT out of this interview

definitely things I will have to put on post its and paste around my computer desk so I can see them (alongside his quote about the optimist and pessismist)

as if “two girls and a guy” was the missing ingredient in me really getting a handle on the matter of his condition… one movies doesn’t necessarily make me believe I’m an expert now… as if I wasn’t very knowlegable about it before…

the first time he had a shot at recovery, he said that he stepped back into the dark corner again because of a number of things… or at least I think he was talking in the general sense as to people in general…
saying because of ignorance and immaturity

with Diane Sawyer in talking about his album, he referred to their previous interview in 1996 as him being “full of crap” during his “cry help” days… I could definitely see it in his eyes (yet again), between that clip and the movie, I could definitely see the difference in there and just the energy surrounding him…

the ignorance was definitely there… being thrown in the LA correctional faculty helped him get somewhat of a grip on the situation that he didn’t quite have before, but it wasn’t completely the wake-up call he needed… it just gave him a second chance to succeed that ultimately burned out…

immaturity was definitely a key thing that I noticed about him… I could just tell in a lot of his dialogue in the movie that he handled the situation in an immature way, didn’t quite embrace it or learn the lessons that needed to be learned to get better…

phew, I’m getting really deep with all this, but discussing it is good… I doubt I can ever structure an entire story with all this in mind, I’m hesitant to discuss a character who’s an addict that has been in and out of jail and rehab for a number of years… that story’s been taken and lived by someone else and there’s no way I can really address it without deliberately mirroring his reality (can’t quite saying “in homage to it” because you don’t pay homage to something like that… he takes care of that by just letting his past experiences take their shape in small parts of the roles he’s been playing recently)

maybe someday in the future, if I’m really bored and if its still posted, I might check a little bit of Campbell & Moyer’s discussion of the Power of Myth… out of curiosity :shrug:
its not like that’s any different from taking interest in Charlie Chaplin’s films because Robert just happens to be the most knowledgable actor about Chaplin…

hmm… he said a lot of things that really had more of an effect on me this time than any of the previous times, but my memory is starting to fail me a bit here… can’t quite remember anything else of signifiance and there was PLENTY…
there were several moments where I was like “wow, this guy is DEEP”… when given the opportunity, he is deep and I like to listen to the knowledgable tone in his voice…

excuse my spelling, its “Tuesdays with Morrie”

I think there was maybe two other sentiments he said that left impressions on me last night, but I can only remember one… and that’s what I’m [finally] going to end this blog with

“it serves a part of your soul to blow it all up because if you survive it, there are forces, ones that you might never fully understand, that have your back… and they’re fairly forgiving”

oh right… and

something like “you need to accept the fact that the universe gives a damn”… in response to hopelessness being the big thing for him and how he spent a lot of time feeling sorry for himself and part of his recovery was due to realizing that fact

it’s all very complicated, but little by little, I am starting to get a hang of it all

I guess it takes someone as eloquent as Robert Downey Jr. to really explain the nature of addiction, using a lot of philosophy and psychological to explain why it was so hard for so long to break free of it… just a really long list of things that he’s kinda come into contact with that helped him make sense of a really senseless situation

truly incredible stuff, phew

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