“I believe in creating your own reality”

I have no idea who said this or even if that’s the right quote. It could have been “I believe we create our own realities”… but whatever

That’s what I tend to do… well, in general these days… although my idea of reality isn’t very realistic, but it sure as hell makes more sense than the worst of Reality TV like everything on BRAVO, MTV and VH1… not to mention “Survivor” which is likely to never go away… you gotta run out of exotic far away locations at some point, right?

Up next: Survivor Antartica where the trick is coming back alive…

fwhahaha… that’s almost as sadistic as an actual Hunger Games and I’d still be game for it… cuz a lawsuit from the families of the contestants would take down the entire show and I’ll never have to hear about it again.

heck, to 1-up my fellow purple knight in a discussion, I’d say that if he breaks his TV, do it with Phillip Phillips’ head…

I know, I’m just way too mean to that guy, but he’s getting on my last nerve…
and he doesn’t even have to try… his mere existence on American Idol has become a thorn in my side, a lump in my throat… you name the epheunism (if I spell that right, I’d be blown away), that’s what he is…

on the plus side, though, he’s got me voting now… but I wish there was an option to vote OUT contestants…
if that were true, Joshua might see the door first… the people on the Yahoo! comments should just vote for the girls so they have one less thing to complain about. They hate Joshua, but its like… I don’t see you guys voting to get rid of him.
Not that I’d want to cuz that would make Phillip a shoe-in, if he isn’t already… if you get what I’m saying…

ultimately, if I spend the night Powerdialing for Hollie (and later Jessica if it comes to that), I can blame everyone else but me if things go SOUTH… and I mean SOUTH

The only upside about the final results of The Voice was the fact that Tony Lucca didn’t win… he was the last person I wanted to get the big prize at the end…
but it really sucks that I had to settle for my 3rd choice.

It was a super close race, so close in fact that Tony & Chris Mann were separated by about 1% point… and first and second was decided by 4%…
Can’t blame myself for Juliet not walking away with the grand prize. I voted

I’m willing to bet that Jermaine Paul won because he sang the most convincing cover of “I believe I can fly” I’d ever heard… that was the only time the entire season where I really felt like I was behind him…

and to be fair, I didn’t like a lot of Juliet’s song choices… they didn’t showcase her range as well as they could have… heck, that’s the problem, they couldn’t… it looked like she was going to rally and walk away with the prize, but nope…

Pisses me off… I’m so sick of my reality shows disappointing me… I don’t think I ever had PMS this bad cuz I’m crying about something almost every frickin’ day… I’ve had enough of being screwed up like this

Almost feel like I might throw myself off our deck if Phillip gets through another week, even if Hollie doesn’t have the votes to keep her out of the bottom 2… that’s how much everything feels like it sucks.

The only saving grace I really have is getting lost in my music, thinking up ideas for my Nelly Furtado album pic and of course spending time with, I believe to be, my current celebrity crush…
but sometimes it feels like more than that… cuz the fact I’m delusional πŸ™„

I knew things were bad this morning during Live with Kelly when they had this mother/daughter thing where they had to get the right answers to the same questions…
I couldn’t even pick my favorite TV show…

a couple weeks ago, I could have said “American Idol”… ol’ reliable has been letting me down so much lately, I don’t even know what to do…
that, and the fact all my other shows are now on hiatus… New Girl & my 2 broke girls… love all of them dearly and will miss them until Fall season comes around… GREAT shows…

Psych’s on hiatus until this fall… I believe… always feels like it goes away way too long sometimes

I can only imagine how many days of Glee I have left before that goes away on break too… despite the fact they just came back, they’re building up to the finale little by little. They’re going to nationals next week… and after that, it’s just graduation and that’s it…
although there might one show devoted to Kurt waiting to hear back from that theater school in NYC…

It really does suck for Rachel to choke on the biggest audition of her life because she’d spent her whole life building up to getting to Broadway and it looks like that’s not going to happen…
she’s gotta have a plan B come to her aide in a couple weeks to end things on a good note

actually, what really worries me is the fact that it looks like almost everyone is graduating… I mean, all of them went to senior prom, they all went on senior ditch day… I thought it was just the three main characters who were going away…
great, now I’m gonna cry over that

then again, it looks like Kurt’s graduating, but Blaine will be around for at least another year… It was so funny seeing Blaine without his hair gel at Prom… everyone was kinda freaked out, but I kinda liked it… I mean, I’d seen worse trust me

man, that’s gonna be so depressing… I thought it was bad when Kurt transferred to Blaine’s old private school… I don’t think we necessarily hit it off right away, I thought maybe he was a little stuck-up, a little pessimistic, but I dunno… somehow I just became one of Kurt’s fangirls…
not to mention the fact Chris Colfer is an inspiration to the gay community, being very open about his sexuality and making such a difference…

probably some of my favorite Glee moments are when he and Rachel duet… they sound incredible together… I think they did a cover of a song from “Wicked” once when they were in New York for last year’s nationals…

it was a thing of beauty… as was when both of them did “Don’t Cry for me Argentina” simultaneously, she suggested it to Kurt as an audition song for the private school’s Glee club The Warblers…

Kurt Hummel will be sorely missed when he graduates McKinley High… that’s for sure….

last night was kinda funny in a way because Rachel started singing that Fergie song “Big Girls Don’t Cry” and I was ready to gag and just dismiss it completely…
then Kurt and Blaine later joined in, and yeah… I miss hearing Kurt sing, he hasn’t had as many numbers since Blaine transferred to their Glee club

love, love, love him

The cool thing about Glee is that it’s kinda like a soap opera where my mom and I can watch it and we openly discuss the characters by name and stuff like that…

makes me wish “AMC” was still around, but it’s not… and I’m glad to have moved on from that as well…

I like Grimm a lot… it’s a great show, very interesting stuff, although it does get a little scary and creepy at times… naturally the fact that David Guilotini is totally cute, he plays the Grimm, Nick Burkehart who happens to be a Portland PD detective

“Once upon a time” is about to go on hiatus too, the finale is next week…
things have gotten better over the weeks when I’m not screaming at the TV as much as I once was… ugh, Regina really got under my skin a lot of times cuz she’s just unbeatable. It’s insane…
at least now there’s a little bit of a possibility for things to turn around…

She used her last bit of magic to intercept her poison apple from the other world and put it in a turnover to give to Emma Swan… except her kid Henry totally saw through it and took a bite of it to prove a point… so now he’s kinda in a coma and might die πŸ™„ It’d be dreadful if he does, but Regina really has nobody to blame but herself… cuz if she questions Emma and says something like “this wouldn’t have happened if you ate it b4 leaving town” cuz that would have proved her guilty to trying to kill her in the first place…

I must say though that I’ve really come to admire/respect Jennifer Morrison in this role. I mean, she was great in House (and actually will return for the finale next week), but here, she’s just so good in this role… plus I actually buy her as a blonde where it took me a while to kinda get used to it

Celebrity Apprentice will have the finale next week and I’m hoping that Aubrey isn’t part of the final two… omg… she’s definitely gonna be towards the top of my list of most hated reality show alums… and I mean HATED…

she kinda makes Phillip Phillips seem like a cake walk and he totally is… I’d like to stage a cat fight with her and I could probably take her down

heck, she’s even worse than Omarosa, who was the very first villianess of the Apprentice franchise… she just wouldn’t go away and she got under my skin quite a bit…

Aubrey O’Day… ugh, if I was that kind of person, I’d totally put her on my hit list…
what would I do if I had the chance to set her straight πŸ™„ I’d make it a cat fight first, very physical and then I’d try to school her in ways of respect…

not that I have a whole of weaponry to come after her with… I can barely string a sentence together to save my life in an argument…

Her charity is Glisten, which is an anti-bullying campaign… makes me feel bad for the way I feel about her, but at the same time, I find it extremely hard to believe she was ever a victim of bullying… if anything, she probably deserved it for being the bitch that she is, thinking that she’s above everyone else…

she’s maybe 2 years older than me, but it just… ahhh… she disrespects a lot of the older contestants in saying that they’re OLD… like she has called Arsenio Hall senile in the confession booth even though he’s probably only in his 50’s… and of course dissing Debbie Gibson when she was on… not just the fact she said she was a Tiffany fan, but just zero respect… I mean she sold a lot more records than you…

can’t believe she even had a career… another reason that I’m gunning for that Diddy character… wouldn’t have to put up with her if he didn’t take a chance on her

I’ve kinda learned with a lot of these shows that if a person is in that particular mold and rubs people the wrong way and thinks they’re the beginning & end… they don’t make it all the way to the end because of that particular character flaw…

Lisa Lampenelli was let go last week because John Rich and Marlee Matlin thought that she was too emotional and you can’t mix emotions with business…
and she’s the queen of mean when it comes to comedy

my sister couldn’t stand her and was overjoyed when she was let go last week…
she’s kinda that “love ’em or hate ’em” type of person… she told it like it was and 90% of the time, I totally agreed… well, maybe a little higher than that…

unfortunately things look like they’re going that way…

the only critisms that Aubrey got was that she seemed nervous going into the interviews and that they didn’t completely buy her genunity when it came to her charity…

John Rich looked like he was gunning for Clay Aiken because he didn’t volunteer enough times to be project manager…

screw you, man, not everyone can do it every time or raise as much money as you πŸ™„

and to be fair, John Rich, there weren’t as many fundraising tasks this year, so you can’t go on and say that nobody made as much money as you did, they didn’t get the chance

there’s been a bit of a conflict between Aubrey and Arsenio that started developing when they were put together on the same team…
in fact, he was the reason she nearly walked off the show…

dammit… and she just had to come back… she totally deserved every criticism she got from him

….actually, maybe I do have a favorite show…

I think over the past month or so I’d become a Big Bang Theory addict… well, I watch it almost every day… usually 7:30 after Jeopardy… so that might be my current favorite show… why didn’t I think of that sooner?

I had the funniest thought yesterday watching the show… the only thing that’s worse than Sheldon would be if his character was female…

a female Sheldon would be INSANE… I mean, he’s got a routine down to the most miniscule of details… it’d be to the point where every now and then, a comment would be made about… girl stuff… oh god… what a nightmare!

I know the show’s been going on for a while now, but I got to thinking that despite the fact they’d been together for a little bit, broke up and remain close friends, Leonard & Penny will get together at the end of the series…

kinda like Ross & Rachel did in Friends… but that was even more insane… it was the most ridiculous on/off again relationship in the history of TV that’s not a soap opera

I don’t have a whole lot of nerd guys in mind… but Leonard would be in my top 3 along with Seth Cohen from “The O.C.”
Zooey Deschanel’s Jessica Day had the term coined for her “adorkable”… but somehow I think that Leonard might have owned that before she came along

and for the record I can’t think of who my 3rd nerdy guy is on this top 3 list :falloff:

… I swear I was getting to something earlier and now I can’t remember what it was…

yep, totally lost it…

getting back to the title, anyway… I feel like that’s kinda what I have to do when things don’t go my way…

like with my reality shows, I just gotta have contingency plans and hope for the best with a bunch of them

I make up for my favorites not winning by investing in the people that didn’t but should have…
a lot of my music has come down to that very principle, if not with reality TV, then with the trends in music in general… I find my own path if there’s nothing out there that’s appealing to my tastes…

for that reason, I waited around for a while for Jesse McCartney’s solo career to kick off because that’s all I had to look forward to… nobody else was doing it for me and I was just surrounded with so much crap…

I got very involved with Prince’s music for similiar reasons, but it became about so much more than the fact mainstream music did nothing for me

because Clay Aiken didn’t win American Idol, I invested in his records… it didn’t always work out for me, but I still did my part because I believe in his voice so much

because Chris Daughtry didn’t win American Idol, I kept an ear open for when his band got a record out… my perservence paid off with that so well… in fact I think I love their new record even more than “Leave this town,” which was great, but it wasn’t excellent in so many ways like this one…
like almost every song is a good song and I listen to most of them

even though I did my part by calling in 74 votes for Kris Allen over the course of 2 hours that final night, I don’t necessarily believe I’m entirely responsible for the fact he won…
I hate to say it, but I have to thank right-winged America for that… I’m pretty sure that Adam Lambert lost because of his sexuality instead of the fact his screaming was to the point it almost caused me physical pain… I don’t understand how anyone else didn’t see that

then again, people said that Skylar Laine and Juliet Simms screamed a lot of their songs without really singing them…
Juliet, I understand that, she’s a rocker girl

Skylar… I didn’t hear what they meant by screaming the words, she always sang, and did so quite well

the strangest part is that I got behind Kelly Clarkson and Carrie Underwood when they won, but I never bought any of their records…
Carrie, I should probably invest in the album that has “Before he cheats” on it because that’s a GOOD song…

Kelly, on the other hand, we have her “Breakaway” album… which is good, but I heard the songs on the radio so much that I got sick of them…
“Because of you” always kinda depressed me, maybe it’s a little too close to home for me

I am looking into her “All I ever wanted” album, but I’m shopping around for the best price.

If I can find it for less than $13, we’re in business

when it comes to my favorite Idol winners, though, if I really do support them and are thrilled that they won, 9 times out of 10, I will buy their record…
I just have a little trouble reciprocating after that… I considered Jordin’s “Battlefield” album but I might be better off borrowing my sister’s copy to see if I really like it.. I do love the title track, only downside is that commerical is planting images in my head I don’t want to be there

Kris Allen, I’m so on board with… I believed in what he did when he was on the Idol stage… the album wasn’t entirely what I expected, but I made what I could with it because I just enjoy listening to him

The reality of this Season 11 is so not shaping up the way I expected it to… it started out amazingly where I loved the majority of the top 10

Erika Van Pelt
Heejun Han
Deandre (ehhhh…. didn’t like him THAT much… I never bothered to learn his last name)
Elise Testone
Colton Dixon
Skylar Laine
Joshua Ledot
Hollie Cavanugh
Jessica Sanchez
Phillip Phillips

Phillip has only impacted me twice in a positive fashion…
actually, I think I’d KILL (figuratively) for Heejun to be in Phillip’s place… at least Heejun had a great voice, Phillip just… he barely even sings, singing relies on actually being in a key

I’m actually surprised that Joshua got as far as he did… I thought he was going to be so fast…

Jessica has won me over between the last two weeks… but I don’t think I’d ever buy her record… I’d have to hear her first single to know for sure if I’m interesting

Hollie is kind of the same way, I love her all-around persona and her voice, but I’m not sure if I’d necessarily buy an album if she did win… again, I’d have to hear the first single

Erika, I liked a whole lot and thought she got the short end of the stick… especially when she went so far as to change her hair color to get noticed and it fell completely flat (her Idol career and her hair)…

another of my pet peeves lately is these girls with blonde hair that I’d almost kill to have dying it brown… I think Juliet started as a brunette, but went lighter for several weeks until this one… but I loved her “channeling Florence [of The Machine]” look last week

I’d love to dye my hair blonde at least once to see if it makes any difference in general, but meanwhile they’re getting rid of their blonde locks for, this or this…

now I’m kinda in a sucky situation here…

like with my model from the last night…

Hollie is my only chance for a completely joyous win… if she’s gone, I have
Jessica… who I’ll only get behind completely if I have no other girls to get behind… if she gets voted off… after [hopefully there will be] the riots stop, I’d back Joshua…

but it’d be a very unpleasant situation if it was two guys in the finale… AGAIN…

heck, I think there’d be a mini travesty on our hands if it was the two guys in the bottom this week and Joshua went home… I mean, Jennifer’s jaw would be on the floor…

very likely, this will happen…

Hollie goes home, Jessica gets her votes
Jessica goes home, Joshua/Hollie gets her votes
Joshau goes home, Jessica gets his votes

I don’t know who the hell Phillip’s votes would go to if we actually got that lucky…

I think his millions of fan girls would give up the act altogether if it came to that…

without a doubt, though,

I would buy albums from Colton, Skylar and Elise… because I’m crazy about all of them and they’ll bring something new/fun/interesting to the music industry…

on the plus side, things are moving on for Colton because he’s been working on music, even collaborating with Jason Wade from Lifehouse, which is kinda his group of inspiration… I’d never felt more certain that he’s going to be more than fine…

with Skylar, she’s got the Nashville, country community behind her… just like Kellie Pickler, she’s going to be super fine 😎

then Elise… I don’t have nearly as much to back her up, but I’ve got a good feeling she’ll be around as well

also with last season, I might have given up on the prospect of James Durbin…
wasn’t too crazy about his performance and I’m almost certain that Colton went home because he got the crazy idea to try a similiar stage set up for his cover of “Bad Romance”

come to think of it, I don’t know if I’d even heard that song since he went home…

I’m just so grateful that I’m able to believe that he’ll do well where it really felt like he didn’t stand a chance…

Casey Abrams, on the other hand, I will definitely be keeping a look-out for… I love his whole sound and persona. 😎 man… I think he’ll be a good artist to groove to

Gotta look at the positives with these things, but sometimes it’s insanely difficult…
American Idol was my go-to show, but now it feels like a nightmare I can’t wake up from

actually, the thing I was going to go into earlier…

talk about being bitter about things…

it’s prom season… they just had their senior prom in Glee…

meanwhile there’s a story on the news talking about quote “the best prom in the country”

Pennsbury, PA… f-ing Pennsbury….

I’m so tempted to just let loose a barrage of f-bombs on that place because I’m so not pleased with them…

with them, it’s a whole event… they have a parade at the beginning of it where everyone and their dates arrive on different floats and methods of transportation… plus the school gets all decked out with decorations that can put up as easily as taking off the walls… the decorations are hanging out behind them…

they have the coolest looking set, they have an amazing gym, AND they got John Mayer to perform for them maybe a year or so before my senior prom…

that was, of course, before he was SUPER famous and I’d become a fan… but still…

I could almost pull a line from The Breakfast Club
“you know what I got for Christmas, a pack of cigarettes”

to just display how much acid is in my throat when I even think about how f-ing furious I am at Pennsbury…

it was only two districts away from my high school too…

everyone who went there kinda knows that Neshaminy sucks… I haven’t been since I graduated, necessarily… supposedly we got renovations done and all that… but ahhh… it was so unfair

they got to hold their prom at their own massive gym…

we had to cross state borders for the Princeton Hyatt… not that it was a bad venue, necessarily… not to mention they had great parting gifts (I still have that really soft red fleece blanket they gave away that had an embordered letter N on it)…

dont know why I’m remembering this now, but I had this strange dream where these four people were the contestants of a contest/competition and it was kinda like The Voice where I was thinking about contigency plans… the bottom 2 were eliminated and the two people left… either to be class president or come to the school or something…
were Tim Tebow and Steve Rogers… like the actual character from Captain America/Avengers…

I think it went to Steve Rogers… but the pickings were good on both ends, really

dont know who the hell Tim Tebow got in there…
:sigh: oh wait… I know… one of the suggested videos at the right hand side of the screen when I was watching an interview clip was titled “RDJ tebowing” and it was the Oscars…
O M G… I think I picked that up when I saw him at the big event, but still totally insane

… so anyway…

we had to go to a hotel to have our prom… our school wasn’t good enough to hold it there…

for the most part, we had the same sucky DJ we had at our other school events… played all this stuff I really don’t listen to, but somehow Bohemian Rhapsody and Shout always go in there… I don’t know HOW… plus Bohemian Rhapsody annoyed me to no end cuz everyone but me knew all the words…

I think I made the connection just recently that Wayne’s World had something to do with it…

my generation has sucky taste in music, but they know Bohemian Rhapsody… one of a few reasons it took me forever to win me over

we weren’t good enough to try to get a professional band or even someone in the music industry… I don’t know who we COULD have gotten, mind you… I wasn’t listening to all that much back then… but we could have done better than a low-par DJ

despite everything I can say about this or that… I don’t think Pennsbury could have prevented the greatest wound to my ego that I’d ever endured

and for some odd reason it seems like berries downstairs


the fact that nobody asked me out to prom… not a single person asked me… I eventually decided to go because I would hang out with my friends…
and to a point, yeah, it wasn’t all that bad… everyone, even some people that don’t talk to me cuz we existed in social spheres that never touched, said I looked great… something I don’t get to hear all that much, really… actually, I’d compare it to Hermonine arriving at the Yule Ball in the 4th Harry Potter book/film… everyone sees her as this savvy, clever book-smart girl who does nothing but study all the time… but their jaws drop when they see her dressed up

yeah, I’d say I did feel a little bit like Hermonine in that moment… :sigh:

I wouldn’t have had a chance at a grand entrance at Pennsbury cuz nobody was going to ask me to come with them, there were a few floats that had several couples on them…

Despite everything that I might moan and groan about, nothing has wounded me more deeply than being stranded on the dance floor with no way to get off while everyone slow-danced to Steven Tyler’s “I don’t wanna miss a thing”…

for that reason, I cannot stand that song cuz it brings back that horrible memory…

supposing I was in a movie and that happened, I could have broken away and I would have run off crying out of the room, maybe outside… and then someone would come after me and ask me to dance with them

except I didn’t get that… there were a couple of moments where the few friends I had were preoccupied by whoever they came to prom with… around those times were when I felt the most miserable…

High School is certainly one of those things that can scare you for life…
I poured myself into my writing where it was among my most imaginative and original… because I had very little else to be celebrate… I created my own realities in my writing because I had nothing else…

aside from academia, the only thing I had were crushing on the wrong guys and everything blows up in my face because the feelings aren’t returned… plus my junior year where I was the fan… mostly of that Mr. Broadway-bound… and I looked forward to concert choir and the stage productions for that reason…

The unfortunate part of the human condition is that people are conditioned to their beliefs systems in part because they care too much about other’s opinions of them…

the unfortunate part of my life’s story… aside from being the most inactive protagonist you can imagine…
based on what other people thought of me or so I believe what they thought me…

I never felt like I was good enough


sometimes I really hate writing these entries… most of the time I regret it long after the fact and you know, once it’s online its there forever… I really don’t care… I mean, I could wear my wounds proudly, if you can even call them that… and one day I’ll look at life and not feel so negative and pessimistic about things…

that’s kinda why I’d been focusing more on my writing than other stuff because writing makes me happy… making focus on the good things I’ve got going for me rather than the stuff that isn’t…

speaking of that…
I swear they’re spamming commericals for this business school McCann, which sounds almost as legit of the University of Phoenix… just to spite me… all this week, it feels like I’d seen all three versions of the goddam commerical within an hour…
I’d rather stomach the same politicial ads over and over again… heck, the Tim Holden stuff wasn’t nearly as bad as this…

like they’re throwing it deliberately in my face…
oh, you’re going back to school, you’ll start that new career, I’m taking classes I need rather than the ones I don’t need…

that’s definitely one of the main forms of torture… sooner or later, I feel like the flashlight’s gonna be on me, people rolling their eyes as if I’d missed something obvious…

not that anyone’s really on my back at the moment, but at the same time I wish they’d got off my back with all the thoughts in their heads about what I should do…

My words are all I’ve got, all that I want out of life… making a living with my words… hopefully one day being admired because of those words, no matter if they’re in fiction or discussing real life subjects I really care about

with American Idol tonight, I did what I could… I dialed Hollie’s number and got thru so many times that I lost count after 50… most of which were after 11pm, which wasn’t too bad, I guess…

so if she gets eliminated tomorrow, I’ve got nobody to blame but Phillip’s fangirls…
and he was actually kinda good this week… didn’t have me raving, but closer to that than last week or the week before and then some…

the judges just seem very pro Joshua and Jessica, and anti-Hollie today…

Jessica’s undeniably talented, yes… I agree

Joshua did a somewhat uninspired version of Josh Groban’s “You Raise me up”…
sorry dude, Chris Mann beat you to the punch of the emotional express… I felt less than nothing, nowhere near as good as the original…
then he did “A Man’s World”… which had me flipping out again cuz Juliet killed it… He killed it, but her performance was much more memorable…
as predicted, they gave him a standing ovation for that one

Hollie did Journey, thankfully it wasn’t “Don’t Stop Believin’…” cuz I just had a terrible flashback of James Durbin doing that the night before he was eliminated… in the top 4… and I couldn’t get through a single time, like my phone wasn’t working or something…
which was good, not nearly as powerful as I’d have liked

then she covered “I can’t make you love me”… where I was shocked that the judges didn’t feel anything at all…

there were two duets in addition to this… and a group number to “I’ve been waiting (for a girl like you)”… which was good…

the guys did Maroon 5’s “This Love”… I was kinda singing along, so I really didn’t hear them :falloff:
but it ticked me off how they didn’t get the girls covering “Eternal Flame”… it was a different feel than the original, but I still liked it…

then the guys stole the show cuz they got on the swings they set up for the girls when they were being critiqued… :falloff: it was just so goofy, they were a couple of dorks, but it was funny

so anyway… “I can’t make you love me”… I don’t think I’d heard the original yet… I heard Alison Iraheta do it on American Idol a couple seasons ago and she did real well…

Hollie did it and jerked a few tears out of me… but it was a good cry… cryin’ cuz it was just a thing of beauty and she made me feel thangs… don’t know what, but I felt ’em…
the judges were giving her nothing… πŸ™„ I don’t know what to tell ya…

I’ll end this entry… finally… with a little discussion I’d been having with myself over my Nelly Furtado album fic…

I’m still trying to figure out where the jealous guy fits into it… what kind of relationship does he have with my heroine… I’m starting to think that he might not even be the boss in charge of the operation… but he mentions a couple times to her before lover boy arrives that he hates it when other men oogle her and spend time with her… she insists that it’s just part of the profession she’s in and there’re no emotions attached…

then again, I don’t know if their relationship is even that emotional between the two of them…
emotional as in they run the bases and actually enjoy each other’s company

with the choreography for their numbers, I think with some of the tracks, maybe one in particular, I got to thinking about the “Sex Shooter” choreography…

then I picked a couple other songs… got stuck on “G-Spot” for a bit… I dunno what it is, but I totally dig that groove…

I went to Gaga for a bit… went to “Paparazzi” just to kinda feel for the similarities between it and “Say it right”… then I made the inspired move to listen to “Alejandro”…

I really do believe that that song could be a good source of inspiration…
but in what way… is it one of those songs she performs to a crowd, but targets a guy in particular who’s been pursuing her…

it’s something she performs every now and then… but only the guys that are getting dumped know what she’s really on about… like I said, still trying to figure out a lot of details

I might also be thinking about “Moulin Rouge” to a degree too… like how that rich dude feels very possessive of Nicole Kidman’s character…

I need to kinda accumulate a bit of a collection of songs to go from for inspiration… sooner or later, the pieces are going to start to click in all the right places

the first piece to the puzzle is figuring out the backstory for my heroine and what her relationship is to, for the sake of argument, “the jealous boyfriend” archetype…
still have yet to figure out how much of a relationship is actually there…

I believe that behind closed doors, she and the other girls working at the club/bar/whatever sleep with clients… she has sex for money… and despite that and it’s part of the business, he feels that he’s entitled to have time with her as well…

as if she responds to his beck & call… I mean, it gets kinda deragatory in my mind and I don’t know how the ideas get here… might be my own idea of torture… he’ll tell her not to accept any invitations some nights because he wants her all to himself… his ego needs to be satisfied πŸ™„
yeah, kinda my way of saying how guys want it more or at least they’re portrayed that way in the media. I mean, how often is it that men get raped by women… it rarely makes the news and if it makes anything, it’s shows like Dr. Phil or Jerry Springer (which isn’t really around anymore, come to think of it)…

eee… kinda gives me chills in the wrong places recalling a couple stories going on during one show of Dr. Phil… about couples that got trapped into marriage… as in unable to get divorced because their spouses take advantage of them when they’re sleeping or deliberately don’t use birth control and all that…
I think that’s one of those things like domestic abuse and rape that really bothers me to a degree…

little old naive me… who really hasn’t seen the light of day in her life… just maybe too afraid to experience life cuz that stuff is around a lot of corners…

at the same time, they’re a powerful tool for writing… just not always the kind of thing I like to share with people, particularly people I’m close with

I’m sure if written the right way and it’s as truth as I can manage… god willing that this story actually formulates soon and I can get started on it and find a start, middle & end… it’d be the kind of thing I would share and talk about

Advertisements
This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s