American Idol: Conflicted on dealing with disappointment

:sigh:

I think that if things ended differently, the title of this entry would have been something like “It’s not a man’s world anymore” or “Teenage diva wins over boredom” or something like that… I don’t know…

I’m seriously conflicted on this.

Usually when it comes to speaking my mind, I do it… I don’t keep in the back of my mind that I might hurt someone’s feelings with the stuff I write or that I go too far with stuff…
I mean, I can be MEAN on this blog because it’s my daily venting space for whatever…

somehow with Phillip, it’s kinda different…

I could throw up all kinds of things and reasons why I don’t like him, I’m so pissed that he won when so many people I liked got eliminated before…

but I seriously feel bad about it…
and yeah, part of it is the fact that he’s been combating some unknown illness all season, which one Yahoo! comment suggests is kidney-related where he might be heading to the hospital for surgery right after the finale

part of me was kinda worried when he walked off stage that he was going to collapse. He did, just not in the way I expected

In a way, he kinda ruined a tradition… which is the American Idol winner being overcome with emotion and still do their damnedst to sing through their coronotion song… once the emotions caught up to him, in a WHIRLWIND if anything, he stopped singing… stopped playing guitar… he took off for stage right, took off his guitar and collapsed into the arms of his family

being from… I believe Georgia… I mean, when it comes to the south, the families seem to be extra close and that was an example of that

I dulled myself down a bit by spending the next couple hours watching the Sisterhood of the Pants…
meanwhile for the first 10 minutes afterwards, I was in a toss-up between being very pissed (though not to the point where I wanted to scream or throw things), extremely disappointed…

right now, I almost want to curl into a ball and cry myself to sleep 
and that ol’ lump in the throat’s coming back…

I almost feel like over the past couple nights, especially tonight, there was a lot more focus on Jessica than him…
I found it a bit of a conspiracy that the past two Ford music videos, he wasn’t in them at all…

part of me figured he was maybe stuck up about it, thought he was too good for it or something…
but I started to think that maybe he wasn’t well enough to shoot them

I’ll have to keep posted via Twitter to see if I can get any details on this mysterious condition… and sure, probably a week from now, I’m going to find it wasn’t as serious as I figured and I’m being too nice to him for nothing

I feel like I’ve got plenty of things to be pissed off about… and actually, I think I’m more pissed at his fangirls than I am at him… the only reason he was there was because the same people kept voting him in week and week…

not even seeing the bottom 2/3… the closest he got to being eliminated… his audition even, if the judges hadn’t given him another shot to perform with his guitar, he wouldn’t have gone through… all the way…
the closest he got aside from that was when it was down to him and Holly in the final 4… and deciding whether he or Joshua would go to the finale…

that doesn’t necessarily mean that Jessica got the most votes that night or that he got the 3rd most votes after Joshua and Jessica the week before that…

Joshua came on stage for a number, one of a couple Elton John songs I’d been coming across this week… never heard that one… and I thought “that’s what the missing ingredient of this finale is”…

duality plays there… like
a) omg, am I so unimpressed with the final 2 that Joshua is refreshing or
b) it took him to go to really appreciate him

and I always kinda did… I just didn’t appreciate the judges pumping him up and saying basically everything he did was golden

so he was amazing…
then Fantasia came out and it all went to hell…

I’ve got such a headache right now that I’m working to null with some pain-killers… maybe cuz I was closest to the TV with the volume up at 58 or something like that cuz I couldn’t hear it as well

I’m kinda worried that my earbuds are messing with my hearing a bit… like the eardrum on my left side didn’t feel quite right for the past couple days… or just the inside of my ear didn’t feel quite right…

adding insult to injury, Neil Diamond was one of the guests and “Sweet Caroline” continues to be another bane of my existence…

you see it all the time with teenagers that are embarassed to be anywhere with their parents or being out in public with them and they’re trying to act like they’re cool… that sort of thing…
all of that is coming down NOW apparently… because…

I can’t even explain how much that song annoys me… and I might have found it perfectly fine if they didn’t insist on adding their own back-up vocals to the chorus…
sure, that’s probably how they did it in the concerts and such… or rather Neil Diamond did and his cheering section would do that…

that’s where I draw the line in wanting to follow along the path of my folks…

meanwhile they barely acknowledge there being anything good since the 80’s… I still think the 80’s is KING when it comes to pop music… but I wouldn’t discard the current stuff completely. there was a time where I was more than happy to, but I’ve got stuff that I can lay back and enjoy…
quite a bit of it

and yeah, part of me is conflicted on whether or not I want to get Phillip’s record when it comes out… to see if he could prove me wrong in not believing he’s worthy of the title…
I’m torn between whether it’ll be a pleasant surprise or I’m going to be bashing my brains in because there’s no melody in it at all

I’m pissed that the judges had nothing but good things to say about him last night…
even said that his winning song was better than Jessica’s… as in, it got a standing ovation while with hers, they’re like “that’s not the right song for you, I didn’t like it”

I seriously wanted to flip all of them off and said that it’s better than a lot of her performances… I felt something when she sang that song… ahhh… it was like listening to “Bleeding Love” and “I can’t make you love me” when Hollie did them and they weren’t as emotional as I was… I don’t know why I felt like I did with those songs or what I was thinking about… it was just a fact that they made me feel something

if I were to nit-pick on things with Jessica, yeah, she wouldn’t be an American Idol I’d get behind either… kinda like how everyone thinks so much of Jennifer Hudson because apparently she has this big recording career (which I never heard a single song of on the radio), won an Oscar (meanwhile actors who’d… I’m not even gonna try that… a losing battle… stupid idea to even try)

one thing I didn’t get was how the judges were saying that Phillip’s song was something they’d never heard before or there was nothing out there like it…
uhhhhh… it wasn’t a completely original sound, guys

the first half was like Johnny Cash…
the second half was like something out of a Coldplay song, particuarly in the later albums

you know things are bad on American Idol where the guest stars get you more excited than seeing the actual results… the past couple finales kinda felt like that too…

let’s see… we had the likes of:

Rihanna (who actually gave an amazing performance, caught me completely by surprise)

Jennifer Lopez (stuff I couldn’t get out of my head, lol, though the rapping was kinda pointless, didnt understand a goddam word of it)

Fantasia (MOVING ON…)

John Fogerty… who sang with Phillip for a couple of CCR songs… that was a good combo

Jennifer Holiday… of the Dreamgirls… who sang with Jessica, in somewhat of a promising number that got REALLY awkward after a while where I’d just about had enough… I mean, Jennifer might even give me nightmares, she looked like she was suffering from some sort of mental illness or something 😕 nah, that’s a little insensitive and unwarranted speculation, but she didn’t look completely there at some points… her facial expressions were like something out of a horror movie (maybe one too many facelifts?)

Chaka Khan, who sang with the girls… or rather she did a bunch of long, high notes, but didn’t sing a single word… I don’t know who’s to blame for this cockamayne mix-up… did she forget the words to her own songs? or did the producers ask her to come in just for some diva-esque notes to throw in there…
I honestly would have loved hearing her sing actual lyrics… mainly cuz of her association with Prince and all, but still

Reba McEntire who sang with Skylar… in a pretty cool duet, although I thought that Skylar’s hero/idol was Miranda Lambert… Reba, lol, unfortunately made Skylar look like an amateur by comparsion… she just has this presence that I can’t even wrap my head around…
speaking of that

Aerosmith gave the last performances of the night… I said it was like my mind exploded in all kinds of places cuz I couldn’t comprehend how awesome it was… kinda makes you wonder where music’s gone to these days

Hollie sang with… Jordin Sparks… can’t remember the song… but a choir came out, there were fog machines… it was ridiculously cliché… and it came and went… I felt like there was more to be desired…

the guys did a tribute to Robin Gibb (I expected the girls to do Donna Summer but I guess that was a little too ambitious for this show)…

I’ll get right to it…

my greatest disappointments of the night…

in the past, the previous contestants have gotten a couple of numbers, solos… like there’d be duets and all that…
the duets only went as far as the top 5…

I felt like I got ripped off, honestly…
between a couple of tweets I thought Colton and Elise would get solo performances that turned into duets…

maybe he was talking about doing a duet with Haley from Paramore on his record…
and maybe he was offering up Pianoman and Everything for the first song he does on tour, or asking what the best performance of the season was for him…

Elise I would have expected her to get a number with… I dunno… doing Led Zepplein with Robert Plant… I mean, that’s ambitious, sure (apparently so was the idea of getting Dave Matthews to duet with Phillip… I SO thought they were gonna make it happen… apparently he’s too good for the show, but the show wasn’t too good to get Phillip through all the rounds that could have kept him away from the inevitability of the votes…

Colton was a key part of a lot of the numbers with the guys (where Phillip was conspiciously absent… although Jessica was from the girls except for one or two numbers, maybe)…
but I felt like too much time had gone by and the connection I had with him was gone

I was waiting until the last minute for him to get a moment to shine all on his own… but it never came…

tomorrow, the next day and so on, I’ll keep going with the belief that with all these songs he’s written, he’s going to be this season’s Daughtry and see more records than Phillip… maybe even Phillip and Jessica combined

but tonight, I’m hurt, I’m pissed… now I can’t stop cryin’

I know life has been good and all that, but I’m so sick of getting f-ing disappointed all the time…
I got the Giants winning the SuperBowl, but every other competition has let me down… the person I picked to win didn’t win…

at least with American Idol, it wasn’t super close…

I was vacant through most of Dancing with the Stars this season… but of what I saw, it should have been Maria Menundos and Katherine Jenkins as the final two…

I was vacant because of The Voice… which let me down…
cuz my girl Juliet fell to 2nd place

meanwhile, Donald Driver got the Mirror Ball over Katherine… which I completely attribute to that freestyle number… which almost always decides the winner… she was consistent throughout the whole thing and while he’s much more talented than Kelly Monaco, who beat out the consistent John O’Hurley in season 1… that wasn’t the way it was supposed to go down… I mean, Katherine was professional almost the entire way through… how is that not worth winning the whole thing…

by completely coincidence, Clay Aiken finished 2nd AGAIN… although I think I’d gotten over it within 24 hours, thankfully

part of me wants to say to Colton… you threw yourself under the bus by being something you’re not on a Lady Gaga, you’d better have a successful recording career or else you’ll have no one to blame by yourself…

I’m for sure one to give a little tough love… except for maybe once or twice, I never faulted Colton for anything he did on that show…

supposing he hadn’t gotten that week… I don’t know… I haven’t the slightest idea if he ever had a chance because apparently Phillip got caught up in this unstoppable whirlwind of votes

I know I shouldn’t be blogging when I’m an emotional trainwreck… but somehow this kinda feels like some of the most legit/honest stuff I’d done in a long while

I just got so sick of being mean to Phillip… I dunno… out of how many weeks of competition… he gave me at least 5 performances that I could stand by and say I genuinely liked…

Hard to Handle
Give a little more
Still Rainin’
Disease
We’ve got tonight

unfortunately only 5 out of maybe 15 performances in total, including the audition… that’s not the best track record dude…

now that’s something in my head that’s telling me something kinda makes sense…
I’ve discredited him for being DULL and BORING… but yet I’ve acknowledged that he’s his own artist and all that

meanwhile when it comes to the girls, I haven’t been looking for the obvious kill… and actually, the big voices are a turn-off for me… especially when its all a person is, that they have no personality aside from that…

that’s why I never got Pia and why people liked her so much and were crushed when she was eliminated prematurely…
yet I got Hollie majorly because she had a great personality, crazy about her…

that’s why it took me a while to get Jessica because she was nothing more, for a while, than this big voice… although you gotta kinda acknowledge she could sing that Whitney Houston song better than a lot of people before her… and got me to kinda like the song more than I did… where I’d say “NEVER AGAIN”

then when it comes to the guys… I think I’d been seeing… omg, a million shades of gray and I’m not talking about Phillip’s wardrobe

:facepalm:
okay, I’m going back to that… where I could easily make a book of insults in relation to him…

this is where I suffer from bi-polar disorder and say ‘I’m growing a conscience and yeah I’m being too hard on him”

:facepalm:
the phrase: don’t hate the player, hate the game

comes to mind…
dammit… that really annoys me, especially when that quote entered my sister’s vocab from a commercial of the latest Chipmunks film…

why the hell did that come out before Sherlock 2, they were released on the same day…
I’ll be waiting a good 2 weeks to rectify that situation, but moving back to the topic

it’s hard sometimes to be hard on Phillip because he just entered a competition :shrug: he didn’t ask for this explosion to happen the way it did… he was just a guy… with a guitar… doing music cuz he loved doin’ it

I’m sure I remember this right… he sang, the judges didn’t quite get him, he says he could try again, playing something on guitar… he breaks down Thriller for them… and bingo, ticket to Hollywood

its almost like how they talked Colton into auditioning when he was just there to support his sister…

the week Skylar went home was when Phillip gave his most awkward performance EVER… even more horrendous than every Phil Collins/Genesis cover he did… he should have gone home that week

this is where I’d say: I’ll take anyone here… but not him…

the only time he really struck gold for me was last week with that Matchbox20 song that nobody liked…
how is it that I’m not even on the same page with judges on these shows anymore… we used to agree on a lot of things…

they like what I hate and they hate stuff I really am crazy about

with Jennifer Lopez possibly leaving, there are rumors but I don’t know how true they are…
we need to see who’s gonna fill that judges table…

we need someone like Simon Cowell who was brutally honest…
I tell ya… if Simon was around, Phillip wouldn’t have gotten as far as he did…

heck, my dad took apart plenty of Colton’s performances… Simon might not have gone with that flow either… or maybe he would have because he gave Adam Lambert his stamp of approval… even with that eardrum shattering screaming

the furious part of me honestly wants to boycott the franchise from here on out because the first person in… wow…
I guess David Cook kinda counts as a yes at the time of… I stood by the fact he won even though I was disappointed Archuleta’s fangirls didn’t come through for him…
many years… I haven’t disapproved an Idol winner since Taylor Hicks… so… I guess 6 years…

4 of those were where the person I couldn’t get enough of was the one that won…

I’ve had pretty much every reaction in the book when it comes to this show…

Kelly Clarkson: I was thrilled cuz Tamyra didn’t win and I really did like Kelly a bit
Reuben: I claimed it was fixed and refused to acknowledge him as the winner, still do
Fantasia: MOVING ON… omg, that season was painful to get through, I really didn’t like anyone
Carrie Underwood: I was thrilled… end of story
Taylor Hicks: I figured of him and Katherine, he was better, but didnt mean I supported him
Jordin Sparks: I was thrilled… and glad Blake finished 2nd although I was crazy about him too
David Cook: already explained it
Kris Allen: I was THRILLED… also that Adam Lambert didnt win despite all the signs saying yes
Lee DeWyze: I woulda been thrilled a few weeks previous, then I started to wonder on conspiracies
Scotty McCreery: I was THRILLED… wouldn’t have minded either of them winning

Phillip was the least likely contestant to win of this year’s top 13…
-he had next to no personality (now I think he’s just a ridiculously shy, somewhat sick guy)
-his stage presence was awkward and that’s the best compliment I’ve got
-there was nothing exciting about him cuz every week felt like the same goddam performance, almost

I’d said I’d rather pay to watch paint dry… now I feel like I wanna throw my head through a wall or have the priviledge of smashing my head against a wall until I can’t feel anything anymore…

and he could have just stood there, not sung a note, and he’d still be in the winner’s circle

it’s a conundrum because aside from maintaining his individuality… now I lost my train of thought on what the 2nd part of that sentence was

also we had a first… an Idol proposal… courtesy of Ace Young and Diana DeGarmo

man, now I really want to smash my head into a wall

…what the hell did people see in him, seriously?

I just don’t get it… I wouldn’t go as far to say my intelligence feels insulted…

but it’s like… did I miss something… did I miss the boat of a trend or something that other people got…

the easy answer to that would be: HELL NO!
he won because he got the teenage girls’ monopolizing his phone lines…

he at least has something of a brand and individuality and can play an instrument and likely write music…

like with the arrival of rap & hip-hop, I was wondering what the hell my generation was thinking in liking this stuff…
Phillip kinda feels like that, but I dunno…

he was by no means the best person for the winner’s circle…

aside from Erika Van Pelt, nobody in the top 13 really stood out enough to establish themselves an artist…
Jeremy, Heejun, Deandre and Shannon… I saw nothing super special about any of them… I liked Heejun, but don’t think he’s quite there enough to establish himself in the music business…

aside from the way it ended… which is probably the worst ending an Idol season I’ve experienced since Clay Aiken came in 2nd…

this was my favorite season of probably all the seasons because a lot of people left impressions on me that made me want to buy into them…

Elise was a rocker girl who could bring the 60’s and 70’s back to the up & coming audiences… might even be able to usher in a new golden age of music where solid gold is retro

eh… of all those, Jessica was the only that I wouldn’t have been able to stand by… I mean she slowly won me over week after week… but she’s not the type of artist I get into… pissed me off when they were saying how her song was too poppy and how she should do more urban…
dude, that’s why I didn’t like her for the longest time cuz she was doing stuff more like Beyonce, which should just… I don’t think I could even send it to Pluto or through a blackhole… I’m so annoyed with her music that I’d have those airwaves permanently removed from… the air… 😕 I’ll come up with something

Joshua was R&B with a LOT of gospel… tonight was probably THE time where I felt like he really shined and set himself apart as an artist… where I truly believed in him…
the finale was missing that extra ingredient which resulted in it being less than stellar…

going thru my line of logic, I don’t know necessarily why I thought Hollie was special compared to a lot of other singers… maybe cuz my fellow purple knight was such a fan that it rubbed off on me… but I dunno, she had a spark that I wanted people to see… meanwhile I hated the judges being how they were with her: condesencing like she was 5 when she’s 18… they just didn’t get her or seem to want her to succeed, it felt like

what did the judges accomplish by using their save on Jessica….
well… she made it to the finals and lost…
they saved the finale from being an all-guy’s affair?

I’m willing to bet that if they hadn’t used the save on her, they would have on Colton… should he have still screwed up the following week and then some…

Skylar was the rockin’ country girl to the point where it kinda felt like ‘love at first sight’… the first time I really noticed her was during the semi-finals when she sang “Stay with me”… that was a MOMENT… and since then, I’d been a mega fan of hers… she didn’t deserve to get the shaft, seriously… just didn’t feel right

meanwhile I’ve said a couple times that I have more than enough guys’ in my record collection and everyone coming out now is pretty much old hat… I’ve got something of theirs somewhere but in someone else’s name…

against all odds, when I was looking for a girl to win this year… Colton surprised me again and again with these performances I absolutely loved… I felt he could do no wrong… as much as a kindered spirit as was the love at first sight thing with Skylar… which was not quite so…
but man, he just got me on his side almost immediately… kinda snuck up on me like I couldn’t wait to see what he’d do every week…

and man did I appreciate every moment he had… soaked it in and would blog for pages the next day… much the way I never took a moment from Elise for granted either… even her worst of moments, I still looked forward to seeing her every week…

yeah, I still don’t quite get why my birthday twin (+3 years) didn’t get anyone’s votes… some thought she was maybe stuck up? thought she was too old (which can’t be a good reason because she’s only a couple years older than me)… maybe its a generation thing, she does older sounding stuff and the people who vote aren’t into all that…

anyway… so many awesome people they could have picked to win… most of them women…

at the end of the day… I think I still would have picked Joshua over Phillip and Jessica combined… the show fell completely flat without him and it was just… you know, business as usual, nothing left to say… much fewer standing ovations, that’s for sure

for the most part, I think I’ve calmed down… and I sure hope I have… I’d hate to crawl into bed and be overcome with grief all over again…

I’ll be keeping tabs on Phillip for at least the next couple weeks to see if stuff arises about his condition or if that song will hit the radio…

but to the voters who backed him up to win,

you could have had Elise Testone
you could have had Skylar Laine
you could have had Joshua Ledot (strangely enough, I believe that now, lol)
you could have had Hollie Cavanugh
you could have had Erika Van Pelt (hey, I’d have been interested in a few more weeks of her)
you could have had Colton Dixon

but instead, you picked possibly the blandest contestant ever to win American Idol, during my favorite season ever, no less…

I’ve got 4 words for all ya… 5 words… no 4

you guys fucked up… MAJORLY

okay 5

:throws hands up:

I honestly don’t know what else to say…

except for maybe you’ll be sorry when you find that he goes on to sell less records than Lee DeWyze…

okay, maybe not that bad…
he’ll give Reuben a run for his money as to who had the least impact on the music industry as a whole… eh… you could say that about every Idol winner except for Kelly & Carrie, lol…

here’s the bad thing… I’ve got a lot to say, but after that… it’s just that I don’t know if its in anyone’s best interest, mine in particularly, that I did…

I feel bad for putting it in black & white like that

but what I can I say… I’m just very disappointed in the way things played out and as long as I have to, I’ll hold onto that notion that any/all of my favorite contestants this season will go on to sell more records than Phillip Phillips

if anything, this goes to show that this show has become a goddam joke

…and yeah, I’ll be sure to post whether or not I plan on watching next season after this… I’d hate to say it, but I don’t know if it’ll get any better than this… and by extension, any worse than how I feel right now

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