Appreciation for talent as well as creativity

I really hope that it’s a long while before I do another entry like my previous one.
Man, I hate it when I have to be so hateful and fume/vent about every little thing that’s ticking me off… still are apparently.

You know things are bad when Kelly Ripa is backing “The Choice” as a legit form of entertainment.
I’d think we were done with the fakeness of the media. That it’d be confined to shows like The Bachelor[ette], any version of The Real Housewives on BRAVO and almost everything on MTV, E! and VH1 that isn’t counting down a list…

FOX isn’t always known for being the best network for airing tasteful shows either… I mean, it was controversial with a capital C back in its day… “Married with Children” and “The Simpsons” not being your typical, happy families. Everyone has their flaws but that’s why people loved them.

I’ve kinda come to realize that some other shows have their flaws too… American Idol I cannot even go into… now I’m starting to think part of it was my fault in that the night Skylar got eliminated, Hollie guilted me into splitting my votes… maybe Skylar could have won the whole thing if she didn’t come home that night…

but what do I know… she was in the bottom 3 maybe 3-4 times… Phillip, NEVER…
now I’m kinda wondering where the hell he’s been. With American Idol, they love having them perform on the talk shows… yet he’s been completely absent… haha, a lot of people will have forgotten his name by the time he’s well enough TO perform… at least I’m inclined to believe that he’d been under the knife and recuping and that’s why he hasn’t hit GMA or Kelly’s show yet

I’m hoping today I’ll at least get around to listening to Kris Allen’s new album… and fingers crossed that it’s something that I can really smile about… rather than hanging back, absorbing this and that and acknowledged it may or may not be a work of art rather than pop music…

that’s the vibe I got from John Mayer’s “Born & Raised” also…
there were only a couple songs… the reprise of the title track, “Something like Olivia” and his single “Shadow Days” that sound anything like his particular sound…
I’m starting to consider maybe getting another of his albums that has some of his best known singles… “Daughters” he won a Grammy for among a couple others

he’s not really an artist that has me jumping up and down or anything above chilling out… he’s a singer/songwriter type…

seeing Gavin DeGraw perform this morning, I’m getting to thinking that, yeah… there’s a difference between a bunch of these guys and their sounds despite them getting pigeon-holed into a single label: singer/songwriter

which could be any person who plays an instrument and writes their own music…
how is it that I consider Prince a musician instead of a singer/songwriter…

too many things to say, but he does more than write his songs and he doesn’t play A instrument… he plays several to really get the full impact these days, you gotta be fluent in guitar and piano… much like with a lot of people, you have to be fluent in Spanish or some other language to really get anywhere…

the question I meant to answer was:
how is it that I like Jason Mraz and John Mayer but I don’t care as much about Gavin DeGraw…

he and Jason have the same issue in that only one or two of their songs get regular radio play…
I got sick of “I don’t wanna be” after the 3rd version I heard on American Idol… end of story…

I guess I kinda like Jason’s laidback vibe and Gavin kinda bores me a bit :shrug:

then how is there room for Kris Allen in all this…
it’s not every day I get to pick an Idol winner… I got super lucky that he won over Adam Lambert, which I’d never hear the end of us…
it wasn’t just that… his vibe was something I hadn’t seen before… Scotty did somewhat of the same by making every song he did country… or rather, he “countryfied” his songs almost every week… but Kris was the first person I saw to this “making it your own” thing…

there were several times, like almost every week, when he’d do something that I was thrilled about because it was different… never saw anyone take that approach… the only place he kinda floundered was doing “Apologize” on the piano rather than getting out his guitar…

but luckily, he had three songs that day… and he picked Kanye’s “Heartless”…
which I thought would be like commiting suicide… killing his chances of making it to the finals (which I thought would never happen cuz, c’mon… Adam Lambert was unstoppable and Danny Gokey was very likable too)… I’d never heard the song but I knew Kanye was… well, somebody I could never really tolerate (although I’d been known to listen to his song “Stronger” in SMALL doses and whenever “Heartless” is on the radio, I’ll pick out bits and pieces that I wish Kris had brought to the performance but didn’t… )…

instead, it was, omg… THE moment of the season… one of my favorite moments on any American Idol performance show…
oddly enough, if I made a top 10 list right now, Phillip’s breakdown of “Disease” would at least make the top 10 cuz he finally gave me something to get behind… and it softened the overall blow of dull & boring winning

yeah, I’m really hoping I love Kris’s new album…
I pick and chose a couple things about his first album that I liked and could get behind… but it wasn’t what I expected with the stuff he did on the show…
on the upside, he’s got co-writing credits on EVERY song here… rather than just a mere handful on his debut

the way I see things in music…
I’ve seen a lot in my 25 years… most of which I saw in the last 5-7…

(btw, the whole bit of advice… “anything you need to know in life, I gurantee you learn by the time you’re 16″… RDJ, you’re not entirely right… most of the stuff I learned before I turned 21… in fact I still am, lol… 25 has brought all kinds of weird stuff to my attention too)

for anyone to impress me, they gotta bring something I hadn’t seen brought to the table before…

but for starters, they have to play an instrument and write their own music…
if they don’t play, they have to write…

and it helps if you’ve got a voice that stands out where you’re not lost in the jumble of some 100’s of similiar artists out there right now

even if I don’t write their own material, that’s why I give Clay Aiken and Josh Groban that shot… their voices are unique and absolutely beautiful to listen to…

we spent the past weekend at the shorehouse… of course it sucks being back I mean, there’s a sense of freedom out there… like the real world doesn’t exist, can’t touch you…
we barely have Internet and we only have a blu-ray player… no cable… so other than the occasional text alert and my dad’s laptop… I mean, someone important could have died and we’d have had no idea…

sometimes I still dread hearing that someone I really care about dies before its their time…
I think we’re done for a while because we lost three great figures in music: Whitney Houston, Robin Gibb and Donna Summer

but supposing its someone I really got behind and cared about… the devestation would be unthinkable… especially if they were someone I was aspiring to meet or considering the possibility of…

I’d been toying with the notion of going to my friend’s graduation party and I msg’d him on Facebook to let him know that I can’t gurantee I could make it… but I am considering the idea… since my folks kinda dropped a hint that I should invite my friends to the shorehouse to hang out…

downside about that is that they don’t really have means of getting there… although I’m sure Andrew still has a car and by all means, he could get there cuz he knows the parkway… and its close to where the school was… so he could easily… I’ll have to toy with the idea and ask them…

it’d be a little awkward if I got my other friend Kirby mixed up in this… when I haven’t spoken to him in over a year… before that I’d bug him like every 3-4 months with a voicemail message that he’d never return… every conversation would ask what I’m up to… I hate coming up empty with him…
I guess it goes back to school and how I always felt kinda superior to him because I got my things done on time and when he got B’s and C’s, I always got A’s…

not like I need to impress him 🙄 although in the back of my mind, the motive was there, I’m sure

now I’ve got nothing to really show aside from the fact, yeah, I can write realy well… hasn’t exactly got me anywhere… and this blog has done numberous discussion on it… the endless cycle

it was fun to fantasize and all that when my imagination had sick sense of humor (I hope I never dream about him again cuz that’s what started this whole mess and kinda finished it as well)…
but now that the secret’s officially out (as in, he knows that I know and I know that he’s known a little over a year)… it wouldn’t feel right to do so… I mean, any story I wrote about my college days would sound exactly what it is… wish fulfillment… not that I’d write about us getting together in the end, that’d be totally and completely stupid and idiotic

it sucks how I let one little detail get between me and people I care about

knowing him, if I told him this gibberish about me wanting to impress him and I feel like I can’t… he’d say that I already kinda do… and that’s not something I should be concerned about

oh yeah…
my “love thyself” new year’s resolution is SO not going well

I’ve met so many interesting people in my list… the majority in college cuz… I face this fact all the time, I didn’t have a whole lot of friends in high school…

the most friends I had at a single point was maybe 4-5 in 7th grade… after that, the numbers dwindled little by little because to a couple of them, I was a bit of an ass… I’ll admit, maybe even a bigger ass than I’ll ever realize

I’m thinking that as soon as I finish this post, I’ll break the news about Dave’s graduation party and see if something can be done about it… I’d been up here, it’s a good time to bring it up…

kinda stupid to fixate on one thing for a long amount of time…
you know things are bad when you’re listening to music and it’s kinda dwelling on that one issue that’s been bugging you…

as somewhat of a tradition, whenever we’re at the shorehouse, I listen to Wendy & Lisa before bed… cuz I got into their  music a lot when I was at college and it kinda keeps those visuals alive for me…
except when I listened to a couple songs the other night (tracks 5-7)… I was thinking about how I’ve kinda let my friends down and should really… you know… be there more than I have been…

finally I decided, what the hell, I’ll consider it… the worst they can say is “no” because the trip would be a long one… from the shore, it’d be 90 minutes

man… you know its bad when your life kinda feels like something out of “Twilight”
I kinda have a feeling it’ll go like this…

there’ll be an initial “no”…
then my mom will rally because I haven’t made any attempt to socialize with anyone for ages… and that’ll work in my favor most likely…

the last thing I’d want to do is become one of those people where…
oh, it’s all right for you to come visit me and I don’t want to bother making the effort to do the same

considering that one road trip they all had to get to my place… Sunday becoming Sunday night for their arrival… I mean, that sounded like hell… on my end, it felt like hel…
I owe them that much, right?

well, the shortest route would be an hour and 18 minutes… which isn’t bad… although it does go through Camden 😕 or rather towards, I should say

another route that’s like an extra minute takes White Horse Pike… so that should be all right, I guess…

and I’m sure I’d be able to make the trip myself IF that’s what I’ll have to end of doing… :shrug:

part of me is seriously thinking I’d be better off getting this conversation done ASAP before I chicken out of asking…

yep, I think I’d been inadvertantly conditioned this way for years… so used to saying no that the accolades build up and the negative feel of the adrenaline inevitably talks me out of what it thinks of as “going against the grain”

and on the upside, if I am making the trip myself, it’ll be still daylight by the end of it so I could make an easy getaway if that’s the case.

I think I’ll abandon this entry for now and get this over with…
and really, someone like me being at the age I am… this shouldn’t be rocket-science or something to stress out about… should be as easy as pie…

and while we’re on that, what the hell does that even mean? easy as pie… I’m confused

so I’m officially a maybe :facepalm:

and probably one of the worst friends on the planet…
I kinda feel like the average lifespan of a friendship with me is anywhere between less than a year to, at most…

let’s see… one of my middle school friends was maybe 2-3 years… before I turned into an ass…
another, maybe 2-3 years… on and off…

with Kirby it was about… let’s see… spring 2006… 5-6 years… though I haven’t been much lately
my oldest friends, as in the longest… since 7th grade in fact… was like… 1999, so 11-12 years… except I don’t talk to him as much as I used to… every now and then, we’ll have a good 15-20 minute Facebook chat, but otherwise, not so much…

Sam, I think we’re going into the 4th year of our friendship… Dave, a few less months than that…

so taking everything into account… the average lifespan of a friendship with me is about 5 years… before I lose interest in keeping up the relationship

and really, with these friends, I shouldn’t be so easy in cutting off contact… we got each other when I felt like nobody else really “got” me… they gave me another streak of insanity, but the good kind… something I needed…

don’t know what Sam was thinking when she got kinda persistent with me… like I’d be by myself at n-wing and she kept showing up and we’re randomly hanging out… it wasn’t something I was used to… then she became the keystone of my success in college… in that I was actually happy to be there rather than excelling with my grades…

I think we officially started hitting it off when my Holocaust course finally exhausted me and I was like “I’ve had enough of this”… “The Grey Zone” took so much out of me, almost like I’d lost the heart of taking the course…

luckily I read a really cool book during the last part of the semester that really made me secure in my writing and my overall creativity… like it was speaking my voice…

Sam was in my History class, not this class, but all the same… she was persistent and I was glad to give in…
some of it was cuz… well, excuses to spend time with Kirby, not that I needed it because we were friends regardless of our mutual friends… excuses to talk about him, absolutely…
but otherwise, it felt great to stay in n-wing after hours just talking about stuff

as some people call it, “shooting the shit”… :shrug: someone said that in a book I read recently

sometimes there’s nothing better than that…

I meant to discuss other stuff in this entry, but you know, every now and then, it feels good just to talk about myself without being negative… saying I have all these screws loose and stuff…

giving a little more to show the person behind the entries and if anything, I’m being more truthful about myself… that my friends were a great deal of the person I became…

we become who we are because of all these factors:

our families & upbringing
our education
the many friends who’ve made over the years

with me, I add:

my taste in books, music and movies… some of which came from my mom, Prince and RDJ simultaneously

Prince helped make me the writer I am today… or rather, the “blogger” I am today… he gave me a voice as a non-fiction writer, let’s say…
RDJ gave me more tastes in movies, but right now, I’m not as willing to give him credit for too much… a lot of what he had to work with was already here… if anything, his presence kept me sane and gave me boosts in happiness I so desperately needed

my dreams have made me who I am in a lot of aspects…
they got me started writing and now I don’t want to do anything else…
sometimes I’ll have these really strange dreams that kinda influence me in other ways…

a bunch of R-rated movies, “Black Swan” among others, finished what Prince kinda started… hipping me to discussing sexuality and stuff… something I didn’t ever want to write about because I didn’t want to necessarily sell out to the idea that, well, sex sells

if anything, my friends helped instill in me that sense of humor I have and kinda helped influence the rest of my blogging persona… whatever non-fiction I happen to write

I owe them for a lot of things and one of them is getting me outside myself…
yep, the more I talk about, the more I’m going to want to go… and possibly, the more devestated I’d be if I couldn’t

yep, as positive as I like to keep things with Prince on this blog he got me started on, I’d been raised to be very pessismitic… whether it was on purpose or not, I know it’s true

as I figured… I started on one train of thought, hijacked myself into another and have been stuck there since…

hearing about the incoming end to reality TV as we know it with “The Choice”… as in, “have we finally reached the limit of common decency?”

oddly enough…
Made me great that people like Adele exist in this world… people who exist in the entertainment industry because of raw natural talent and have humility about it

there’s so much fakeness and superficality that it’s nice to see otherwise… something that’s somewhat unconventional that works

if the Grammy’s and American Idol/The Voice (this being their obscene amount of reference to Adele and covering her songs) is any indication, she’s what’s big right now in music…

maybe not so much as a couple months ago when she swept the Grammy’s…

by any stroke of horrible luck, Nicki Minaj will be the talk of the music industry and shouldn’t be…

how I can be so against her and so supportive of Lady Gaga?

heck, the fact I support Lady Gaga and Katy Perry over her and Beyonce… some people will probably cry out racism… cuz really, everything’s about racism these days, isn’t it?

I don’t believe that for a minute…
I think that the Trayvon/Zimmeran case has been OVERBLOWN to be a case of racism… it’s totally ridiculous… it’s that this one guy who was claiming to be something he wasn’t (a legit neighorhood watch person) killed an unarmed kid because maybe he felt he had a superiority complex with this position he really isn’t holding…

ego might be in question here more than racism… at least I feel

it’s just that Minaj and Beyonce don’t do anything I deem as legitly music… they do R&B and hip-hop… and if anything, Beyonce’s vocal style annoys me to no end (btw, so does Christina Aguilera, talk about overblown) and Minaj freaked me out the one time I saw her perform…

plus it gets on my nerves that she has all these wigs… most of which aren’t natural looking at all…

although I do think that Katy Perry pulls off a lot of things… had died her hair blonde, teal, pink and purplish within an 8 month period… and I think Rihanna overdoes it with her inconsitent hair color…

with Rihanna and Minaj, the whole thing seems like a shtick to me… like something they do at the flip of the hat and don’t put a whole lot of thought too

Katy Perry’s a bit more consistent, like she’ll have one hair color for 3-5 months before changing it to something else and its just something she’s starting work with and it probably will stop doing after a given point

Lady Gaga’s done it her whole career… yes, of only 4 years, but still…
I rally because, yes, I know the reason for it and don’t bother to do the research on anyone else

I also accept the fact… yes, I bought Adele’s album AFTER the Grammy’s as my way of jumping on this outrageous bandwagon… I finally brought down and got the album cuz the Grammy committee liked it so much

I think 70% of it was that they adored her talent and rightfully so…
everyone else was probably uber-conservative and thinking “Thank God Adele came along, there’s no way I can vote for Lady Gaga to win album of the year because [fill in the blank]”

at least that’s what my feel was… “Born this Way” rocked my world and then “Rolling in the Deep” happened and of ALL people, Lady Gaga got upstaged by Adele

in a year of very few albums, “Born this way” was certainly MY album of the year 😎

I wanted a piece of Adele because that’s what everyone else was into… and usually I am a follower of trends… that’s how I got started in picking out my own music to listen to…
it was something that couldn’t be ignored so I did it…

the unfortunate thing is that it’s something I likely won’t be able to fully appreciate for a couple years…
Its kinda pointless to listen to an album that has half of its songs on the radio all the time… I want to appreciate it for the whole that it is and I can’t do that if I skip past all the singles
otherwise, it’s just a bunch of patches missing in the overall quilted design of the album

so where this is all coming from… I meant to write the entry on this rather than my own personal stuff, cuz there… who wants to listen to me go on about myself?

Adele had a concert special on the other night… about an hour long… split in half between her interview with Matt Lauer and footage from her performance at London’s Royal Albert Hall… the concert that’s coming out on DVD tomorrow

lol, I’m watching this seeing the people with their cell phones recording this… I’m screaming at the TV, “hey you idiots, this concert’s gonna be on DVD, you’re wasting your time”

I’d been telling myself a couple of times over the past two days… like talking myself out of tearing up over little things… there were a number of times watching this concert when I was genuinely moved…

the first song, in fact, had me almost on my knees… her voice commands that stage on its own without having a whole lot of instrumental back-up… it was there, but her voice dominated…
it was off her first album, I believe… talking about her hometown being one of the wonders of the world… and just wow…

you don’t often find such commanding vocalists like that and her voice is probably one of the greatest instruments I’ve ever heard

the crowd was also cool to see… a lot of them were women, but there were couples there getting very lovey-dovey to her music… she had the crowd help sing a bunch of lyrics for her and… again wow…

I’ll admit…
getting past her mastery and the majesticness of her vocals, she doesn’t do it for me nearly as much as a couple other people I listen to…

part of it is because her songs are overplayed… plain and simple

part of it is because her songs are kinda repetitive in that they’re all the same style… vocals commanding over all the back-up instruments and such… part of it is because they’re mostly yearning for something or depressing without it

but its a matter of personal taste and timing…
they’re mostly break-up songs and they talk about relationships… she’s only 24 yet I feel like she’s got a bunch of years on me with her maturity… it’s just out of the this world…

I can’t relate to a lot of her material because I’m not in love or dealing with love of any kind… unrequited and otherwise

simply put, she doesn’t speak my language the way that Taylor Swift and Gaga do… Taylor puts the simplest of things to words that I can totally get on every level of understanding… because I’d been there, done that… and even if I hadn’t, I know what it’s like to feel something about another person…

there are songs on her “Speak Now” record that I still can’t put a face to… people I think about each time I listen to them… and two of them are my favorites
“Sparks Fly” and “Enchanted’ and with the former, I doubt there’ll ever be a person I can directly associate the song with… I don’t feel as if it should be grounded by that lacking

Jesse McCartney was the same way in that I could see where he was going cuz his lyrics just made sense to me… like its my saying “that’s exactly how I’d explain this situation if I went through it”
now I just gotta wait for his album to come out… hopefully sometime this summer 🙄 would be nice…

Gaga and I are about the same age, but she’s about 4 months and 3 days my senior :shrug:
but she’s seen a lot of life already… most of which was her desire to make it in music… the trials and tribulations, etc.

Adele’s 21 album focuses a lot on one relationship so there isn’t a whole lot of diversity…

with Gaga, it’s not as directly relatable as it is with Taylor… but I get it…
in fact, I have a good feeling that years from now, she’ll become one of those artist that I could hear some songs a million times, even albums… and still be as crazy about them…

I still love “Just Dance” and “Pokerface” and “Bad Romance” will remain one of my all-time favorites

seeing her MSQ Monster Ball concert felt like going into a completely different world than what I was used to just listening to the music… but her monologues were probably the most special part of it… like I get her and a lot of things she talks about… she has a position on a lot of things and sticks to her convictions

lol… I forgot to mention that I saw her cameo on The Simpsons a few weeks ago and LOVED it… it was a little strange in parts where they showed her “superpower” to see when a random kid is feeling bad about themselves and such… in this case, it was Lisa…
kinda horrible the way it got to that point, though… I mean, Springfield Elementary was giving out awards and she got the award for being the least popular kid in school…

seriously, who does that?!

awards should not be given for negative things like that… ultimately when Gaga comes to town, she’s the last end of Lisa’s rope that she’s reached cuz all these people are trying to help her and it doesn’t do her any good… she becomes Lisa’s verbal punching bag because she finally lets loose and tells her about how she is part of the problem… of promoting self-esteem and such and saying things will be okay when they aren’t…

although I will say that some reality shows would be a lot easier to get through if people voted people OFF rather than keeping their favorites around…

yep, I’ll still fight that until the end even though there’s no changing it

Taylor Swift writes about love the way I would if I could write music and lyrics…

but Lady Gaga writes about almost everything… it’s not always about love, although a great deal is… it’s about self-belief, enpowerment and sometimes some risque stuff gets pulled into it…

speaking of that, I’d been toying with the idea of using a bunch of her songs to inspire chapters of my Nelly Furtado album fic…

the only danger I see is it becoming too convulated cuz I’ve got too many artists thrown in

most of the songs I’m thinking of are the risque ones… and except for one, they’re going to be filler… they won’t be key to the overall storyline…

some of these songs include:
LoveGame
Americano
Scheibe
Heavy Metal Lover
Govt. Hooker

most of which will be songs used on the VIP nights… where the girls otherwise dance for bids and such… speaking of that, I gotta research escort services to see if that’s kinda my overall point…

Americano is the only one that doesn’t quite fit in that scheme… and I’d also been considering the idea that maybe part of the story is going on during the World Cup… I mean, Scheibe has some German in it that may/may not be legit… Americano sounds Mexican or Spanish…

one song I’ll definitely be looking to use as inspiration is “Alejandro”…
which will be Talia’s” “break-up” song to the jealous boyfriend

I don’t even know if they’re really together a whole lot… he might just think of himself as her boyfriend when they really aren’t together… I figure that they perform together on stage sometimes, like he’s a singer she occassionally duets with and such (Nelly Furtado has this on her album with a couple hip-hop guys)…

I have the feeling that some times when she’s not performing, that self-doubt plays into things and she asks him to spend the night with her… kinda like friends with benefits except they’re not really friends…
she’s a strong female, so she doesn’t let him know that she needs to be with him and such… and by extension, she might have led him on early on in their relationship so that might have set her up…

but she’s not overly dependant either… that’s why she’s in the busines she’s in… so she doesn’t feel she needs to have any attachments to people

Alejandro might be a little uptight about his “competition” because she’s the star attraction of this venue that he’s going to inherit… and maybe she realizes overtime that he thinks of her as more than just an employee/partner and she tries to talk him out of it…
maybe sometimes she indulges him, sometimes she doesn’t

she’s kinda all about doing what she does and staying within that world…

btw, his competition’s name… whether that’s what it’ll ultimately be or not…

his name is Juan Paulo Esposito… for short, I’ll call him J.P. cuz it’s a little easier to write that numberous times rather than the other way around

I think the biggest question I need to answer before I start anything is this:

which perspective will I be writing this in?

Will it be first person POV that change from chapter to chapter?

Will it be in third person? and if so, how much am I willing to give away and how much do I want to leave up to the readers to figure out?

I’ll have to see… right now, I kinda doubt it’ll be from her POV…  and that’s roughly it

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